Are you kidding?! I’d rather take a shower with my mom than watch this crap. Only an idiot who knows nothing about life thinks that being married or unmarried has anything to do with happiness. You’ll be just as miserable either way, albeit for different reasons. Read more →
Author Archive: Hostile Witness
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Anyone who REALLY likes one or more of the following: The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy Tom Clancy Golf The Big Lebowski Beer (bonus points if you call it “brew”) Las Vegas Boating KISS Skiing Frank Zappa (bonus points if you just say “Zappa”) Their own abs When Harry Met Sally… Mitch Albom Maya Angelou Read more →
Overheard
HER: Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful. HIM: I hate you because you’re a bitch. Read more →
A Few Blocks from Home
Police received a call around 12:30 a.m. June 14 about a man hanging from a fence post in front of an apartment complex in the 800 block of South Baker Street in Santa Ana. Later identified as Hipolito Tapia Bravo, the 26-year-old Santa Ana landscaper was pronounced dead at the scene. He was just a few blocks from home. — OC Weekly They say most homicides happen within a few blocks of home. Especially if your home is in Santa Ana. Or is that traffic accidents? Read more →
Personal Preferences
One of my son’s friends, his parents split up some time back because his dad, as it turned out, was not really attracted to women. I met the gentleman for the first time last night at a school concert. How he was able to convince anyone, including himself, that he’s not gay is a mystery. “Did you notice they’re opening a new restaurant at South Coast Plaza?” he said in a voice as gay as Christmas. “They’ll be serving only locally grown food. I was on my way to the Apple Store . . .” Now I’m not saying that every man who cares about where his food is grown or owns an Apple product is gay but . . . “I own an Apple product,” my son says. “Yeah, an iPod,” I reply. “That’s okay. That’s mainstream.” Read more →
Judging Books by Covers
They say you can’t make judgments about people based on what they look like but of course that’s nonsense. You don’t think so? OK — our office building is right next door to the Orange County Social Services Agency. Once in a while, someone drives into our parking lot and causes me to say to myself, “That person has got to be looking for Social Services.” Because they look like someone whose kids should be taken away from them. And in every case I’ve been correct — the person goes to the Social Services Agency! Put that in your juice box and suck it. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Marty Allen – comedian Ed Ames – actor Lauren Bacall – actress Roger Bannister – runner Ben Bradlee – editor, The Washington Post George Kennedy – actor Ralph Kiner – Hall of Fame baseball player Jake LaMotta – boxer, middleweight champion Shirley Temple – actress Updates Marty Allen – died 2/12/2018, age 95 Ed Ames – died 5/21/2023, age 95 Lauren Bacall – died 8/12/2014, age 89 Roger Bannister – died 3/4/2018, age 88 Ben Bradlee – died 10/21/2014, age 93 George Kennedy – died 2/28/2016, age 91 Ralph Kiner – died 2/6/2014, age 91 Jake LaMotta – died 9/19/2017, age 95 Shirley Temple – died 2/10/2014, age 85 Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Barbara Hale – actress Hal Holbrook – actor Celeste Holm – actress Carl Reiner – actor, writer, director Eli Wallach – actor Updates Barbara Hale – died 1/26/2017, age 94 Hal Holbrook – died 1/23/2021, age 95 Celeste Holm – died 7/15/2012, age 95 Carl Reiner – died 6/29/2020, age 98 Eli Wallach – died 6/24/2014, age 98 Read more →
I’m All About Safety
The woman in the car next to me was talking on a cell phone while driving. I was so incensed, I ran her off the highway. Her car flew into a barranca and exploded in a giant fireball. I’m a stickler when it comes to traffic safety. Read more →
Bon Voyage, Captain!
‘Deadliest Catch’ captain Phil Harris dies at age 53 — USATODAY.com Never saw his TV show but he was great as the voice of Baloo in The Jungle Book! ♫ Look for the (clap) Bare Ne-cess-ities . . . ♫ Say hi to Bing Crosby in hell! Read more →
So Long, Thrillseeker!
Sharks kill man kite-surfing off south Florida — Reuters Some people say life is too short. I say if you’ve got time for inane activities like kite-surfing, your life has already gone on way too long . . . Read more →
Do Not Disturb
Most of us at work have offices with doors. People close the door sometimes for privacy, but mostly when they just want to work uninterrupted for a while. So today I had a brainstorm of an idea: I could just close my door and go home! People would marvel at my new work ethic! “He’s in there working all day and night,” they’d say. “He doesn’t even come out to use the bathroom!” Read more →
Tyler Enters Rehab
LOS ANGELES (AP) — Aerosmith front man Steven Tyler says he has entered a rehab clinic to treat an addiction to pain killers he has taken to cope with 10 years of performance injuries. — Reports: Aerosmith’s Tyler enters rehab – MSN Entertainment News I hate to say I told you so . . . well, okay, I don’t hate it . . . Read more →
A Good Hire
As my son and I were driving past South Coast Plaza, we saw a woman holding a cardboard sign that read “UNEMPLOYED AND DESTITUTE. Any Help is Appreciated.” “She’s got a good vocabulary,” I said to the boy. “Someone should hire her.” Read more →
Girls Will Mess You Up
Tiger Woods and Chris Henry are just the latest examples. “Your role model,” I say to my son, “should be that guy in the Miller Lite commercial who saves his beer and lets his girlfriend drop off a cliff.” Read more →
Regarding My Behavior at Last Night’s Holiday Party
I was somewhat drunk and somewhat belligerent — although in my defense, I’m somewhat belligerent even when sober — but I did not get so drunk that I wound up vomiting on the host’s front lawn like some people I could mention because really — aren’t we all getting a little too old for that kind of thing? Read more →
Anne Frank
Five years ago, I wrote a post about Anne Frank. Today a young lady named Max added a comment: In my 8th grade language class we just finished watching the Anne Frank movie, and we have also been studying Anne Frank and the Holocaust for about 2 weeks now. The story made about 3 girls cry. Me, my friend Jade, and my friend Kierra. There may have been more but i didn’t see. There are now over 400 comments on this post, many of them very poignant, and I’ve enjoyed reading them. Thank you to everyone who’s contributed. It has continued to amaze me how many people around the world have been touched by the life of this one girl. R.I.P. Anne Frank Read more →
Diversity in Practice
This is how “diversity” works in practice: Intellectual contention is drowned out in a sea of emotion, much of it phony. Members of designated victim groups respond to a serious argument with “pain” and “shock” and accusations of “hate,” and university administrators make a show of pretending to care. — Best of the Web Today Read more →
Answer Up or Die
Sometimes I’ll say something to my son, who’s 16 now, ask him a question . . . I know he’s heard me but he doesn’t answer. So I wait or I ask him again, and when I do get an answer, I can’t understand it because he’s mumbling. Someone was telling me that she works with a boy whose mother shot all of his siblings. Why didn’t she shoot him too, you ask? I don’t know — out of ammo? To be sure, killing your own children is taking things too far, but I’ll bet you that boy answers up promptly when his mom says something to him . . . Read more →
Love and Money
My son and I are watching a TV commercial for Love Happens, which seems to be about a man forced to choose between financial gain and the love of a woman. This is one of those “teachable moments,” because the boy, who’s 15 now, may someday find himself facing the same choice as the guy in the movie, so I look at him with love and hard-earned wisdom and with a voice of great sincerity, I say: “Take the money.” Read more →