I’d Like to Be Invited

28 Jul 2014 /
Rickie Lee Jones

I want to be invited into other people’s lives. I’ve lived a life secluded and sequestered and now I guess what I’d like to do is be invited.

This might not happen.

This might not be my spirit. Maybe I was sent here to go at it alone, and maybe where I offer inspiration and have power is alone.

But if you ask me, I’d like to be invited.


Darth Vader for President

28 Jul 2014 /
Darth Vader

People are so fed up with the gridlock and dysfunction in Washington. Congress is unfortunately unable to even agree on the most obvious kinds of things. I think Darth Vader looks pretty good to a lot of people.

— Former secretary of state Hillary Clinton, on CNN, responding to poll results showing voters say they prefer Darth Vader, the fictional villain in the Star Wars films, for president over her and several other potential candidates.
  1. Are people fed up with gridlock? I’m not. I love gridlock. It’s when those meddling idiots actually do something that life gets worse for everyone.
  2. Jokes aside, I think Darth Vader would be an exceptionally good president in some respects. Imagine him, for example, in an Israel-Hamas negotiating session: “Whose trachea do I have to crush with my mind to get some peace around here?”

Books, Writers, Bookstores, Libraries

27 Jul 2014 /

You Could Be Someone Special

27 Jul 2014 /

Thanks for pushing me and always preaching to me, “You could be someone special, if you really work at it.” I took that heart, pops, and look at us today.

— Frank Thomas, induction speech at the Baseball Hall of Fame


Airlines Headquartered in Strip Malls: Another Reason I Prefer to Just Stay Home

26 Jul 2014 /

Here’s a photo of cameramen standing outside the headquarters of the company that owned the Air Algerie plane that crashed earlier this week . . .

http://news.msn.com/world/wreckage-of-air-algerie-flight-found-south-of-malian-town-of-gao-state-tv

MY GOD WHERE IS THAT?! It looks like a strip mall, or a trailer. CANCEL MY RESERVATIONS!


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

25 Jul 2014 /

People who say “I don’t take myself too seriously.”

Let people make up their own minds about whether you take yourself too seriously. If you think anyone’s interested in your reflective insights about yourself, then you take yourself too seriously.


The Softball Waivers

24 Jul 2014 /

Our company’s having an in-house softball game tonight, hosted at a field across the street at UC Irvine . . .

Three-Quarter Century Softball Team

Members of the Three-Quarter Century Softball Club: St. Petersburg, Florida (Photo credit: State Library and Archives of Florida)

That’s not our actual team in the picture, the difference being that the players in the picture look like they may have been athletes at one time.

I’m not playing because I have a piano lesson tonight. (Actually, I wouldn’t have played anyway because I can no longer do things like run and see that used to serve me so well on the diamond all those years ago. But the piano lesson is a convenient excuse.)

Everyone who is playing had to sign a waiver provided by UCI. Good move. Company softball games are rife with injuries. I picture a scenario like this:

Dear UCI Parents,

We regret that your students are not able to graduate on time, but as you know, we’ve had to cut back drastically on our course offerings since the infamous softball lawsuit of 2014.


Horrific Ziplining Accidents: Another Reason I Prefer to Just Stay Home

24 Jul 2014 /

Ziplining accident


How to Not Cry at Work

24 Jul 2014 /
Top LinkedIn posts

The most read post on LinkedIn today is “How To Not Cry At Work” with (as I write this) 241,549 views.

The second most read post — and a very distant second with 101,906 views — is “It’s time to stop using recruiting agencies.”

That can’t be good. What does it say about the American workplace that the most pressing issue is how to avoid crying?


One Thing I Can’t Tolerate is Intolerance: Tony Dungy Edition

24 Jul 2014 /
Tony Dungy

“What’s your beef with Tony Dungy?”

He said he wouldn’t draft Michael Sam. He’s not showing the requisite level of tolerance and inclusiveness toward people who are different than he is.”

“Isn’t Dungy himself entitled to tolerance and inclusiveness?”

“Oh, no. No. Absolutely not. Because he’s being different in a way that’s totally unacceptable.”

“So you’re not against intolerance as a matter of principle, so long as the ‘right’ people and groups get ostracized.”

“Right.”

“I don’t remember anyone until fairly recently saying that having openly gay players in the NFL is a good idea. Now that we’ve reached a point in history where everyone in America has a breezy indifference to homosexuality . . . everyone knows people, works with people, has people in their family who are openly gay . . . every single TV show and movie has at least one gay character — NOW people like you are ‘brave’ enough to support the idea, for the same stupid reason you never supported it before: because you don’t want to be on the wrong side of public opinion.”


Overreaction

23 Jul 2014 /

Missing Teen

Her parents must be pretty strict. They reported her missing just because she wasn’t home by 9?


The Last Minute of Your Life

22 Jul 2014 /

“You should live every minute of your life as though it’s your last.”

“You’d spend the last minute of your life giving other people dopey advice?”

Tags: ,

Forgiveness

20 Jul 2014 /

“This article says that lovers are more willing to forgive a partner for infidelity than for leaving dirty dishes in the sink.”

“Just so you know, I wouldn’t forgive you for either one.”


Lightning Got a Personalized Pup Cup

20 Jul 2014 /

When I go to Starbucks on weekends I always get a pup cup — a short cup of whipped cream — for Lightning. No one ever asks me about it . . . I just place my own order, ask for a short cup of whipped cream, they write “Paul” on both cups and serve them up.

Today the Starbucks girl was puzzled. “You want a short cup of whipped cream?” she asked.

“A short cup of whipped cream, right.”

She still had a puzzled look on her face. Maybe she thought what I really wanted was cream.

“It’s for my dog,” I said.

“Your dog likes whipped cream?”

“He loves it.”

“What’s your dog’s name?”

“Lightning.”

“Lightning?”

“Right. Like thunder and lightning.”

So this morning, after years of eating pup cups with someone else’s name on them, Lightning got his own personalized pup cup.

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More on Stuart Scott

18 Jul 2014 /

I am sick unto death of this guy. I just read a sentence from his speech:

You beat cancer by how you live, why you live, and in the manner in which you live.

Ugh. Sickening. Millions of people fighting cancer and he’s the one guy who’s figured out how to fight it the right way.

Like a lot of people, we have an immediate family member who had cancer, and like a lot of people, she battled it bravely, quietly, with humanity and dignity, and without any expectation of receiving an award, which she didn’t get. Unlike Stuart Scott, she never told anyone about all the unpleasant medical procedures she had to undergo and she never presented herself as a model for how life should be lived under difficult circumstances.

Fuck this guy.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Stuart Scott

17 Jul 2014 /

I’m hearing on the radio this morning that Stuart Scott received something called the Jimmy V Perseverance Award at the ESPYs last night . . .

Who knew you could get an award for having cancer? I am exhausted by sports people, media people, entertainment people, sports media entertainment people sucking each other’s dicks.

Stuart Scott and people like Stuart Scott have killed my enjoyment of sports with their endless self-promotional bullshit while I’m trying to watch highlights. I hate sports and it’s all because of Stuart Scott. And now he gets an award for having cancer.

Everyone unfortunately has family members and/or friends who get cancer and battle it to the best of their abilities without receiving a goddamn award. It’s insulting to all of those people to give someone an award for having cancer and it’s doubly insulting to accept an award for having cancer.

I have come to bear witness! I have faced my own mortality. I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat and snicker.

Yes, you and 1.7 million other people diagnosed with cancer every year in the U.S alone.

I am exhausted with people putting their lives on display based on a delusion about their own uniqueness and importance. Oh what a plague.

Fuck Stuart Scott.


Unintended Consequences: The Death of George Washington

16 Jul 2014 /
George Washington

In 1799, George Washington fell ill with an infection. Doctors at that time believed that illnesses were caused by an imbalance of fluids in the body. In particular, they believed that fevers were caused by an excess of blood, so they treated Washington’s fever with five separate bloodlettings, which together drained off over half the blood in his body.

Not only did the bloodletting not have a healing effect, it probably hastened his death.

The human body is a very complex mechanism. Society is a very complex mechanism. You might decide, with good intentions, to tinker with a complex mechanism thinking that even if your intervention doesn’t achieve the full benefit you’re hoping for, it will at least be better than nothing.

No — tinkering with a complex mechanism when you have no idea what you’re doing is only going to make things worse.

Related Links

“In Praise of Passivity” by Michael Huemer


What Comes Around Goes Around

16 Jul 2014 /

Via MSN News:

honor-killing

It’s a little-known fact that if a woman survives an honor killing, the would-be killers must themselves be killed in an honor killing for botching the original honor killing.


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Hobby Lobby Boycotters

16 Jul 2014 /
Hobby Lobby

“Don’t tell me what to do” and “Do what I say” – these are not compatible admonitions.James M. Buchanan

I just saw this Boycott Hobby Lobby group on Facebook . . .

There’s a longstanding liberal maxim — Keep Government Out of the Bedroom — i.e., “Don’t tell me what to do,” which has gone out the window on the Hobby Lobby case, where the liberal position is “Do what I say,” i.e., that a law requiring everyone to buy certain bedroom supplies whether they want to or not is not only a really great thing, it’s a moral imperative.

Individual liberty is a two-way street, folks . . .


Income Inequality is the Best

14 Jul 2014 /

Dilbert comic


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