EppsNet

According to The Book of Odds:

• The odds an adult is afraid of flying are 1 in 5.56.
• The odds an adult is afraid of snakes are 1 in 1.96.

There is a permanently restricted area of airspace to the NW of the [Wilmington, Delaware] airport, around [VP Joe] Biden’s weekend house. The airport gets shut down every time Biden commutes home at taxpayer expense. What kind of plane does Biden, a tireless advocate of reduced carbon emissions (source), use for the 15-minute flight from D.C.? “Boeing 757,” was the report from the ramp. “You wonder how the government can criticize private companies for using light jets when they themselves ride solo in the back of a 757.”

[Note: the shortest version of the Boeing 757 can hold up to 234 passengers plus a crew of at least 7 (source).]

— Philip Greenspun

Flying back to California from the east coast, I sat next to one of about 60 kids coming back from a three-week tour of Europe to celebrate their graduation from an Orange County high school.

“You guys must be rich,” I said to her, “traveling around Europe for three weeks.”

“We’re on the low end of wealthy,” she said. She put her hand out in front of her, palm down — not too high — to indicate her standing on the wealth ladder.

• Something I didn't know: Leave Sydney at 10 a.m., arrive at LAX at 6 a.m. — on the same day! It's like going back in time! #

To fly is the opposite of traveling: you cross a gap in space, you vanish into the void, you accept not being in any place for a duration that is itself a kind of void in time; then you reappear, in a place and in a moment with no relation to the where and when in which you vanished.

— Italo Calvino, If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler

Make them pay for two seats. If they’re in a middle seat, make them pay for three seats.

Then let other passengers have those seats for free if they want them, keeping in mind that the fat guy is going to spill over into your seat, invading your personal space, pinning you in awkward positions and stabbing you with his bristling arm hair.

He may even listen to music on his iPod and do a little fat man dance in his — and your — seat, wobbling around like fat hairy jello.

But you’re flying for free! You still want it?

Here’s something I didn’t know: If you fly straight from Sydney to Los Angeles, you arrive before you left!

I’m looking at an itinerary here . . . leaving Sydney at 10 a.m., arriving at LAX at 6 a.m. — on the same day! It’s like going back in time!

As we’re waiting for the plane to leave the gate, my son’s looking over the airline safety brochure, which shows multiple scenarios of people sliding to safety out of a downed plane — onto grass, into water, etc.

He says, “None of these things is going to work if the plane is going–” here he makes a plummeting motion with his hand, along with a plummeting sound effect.

“The plane is on the ground in those pictures,” I say. “You’re not supposed to slide out of the plane while it’s still in the air.”

“I know. I’m saying there’s no solution if the plane actually crashes.”

“That’s right. Do you want to get off?”

• Flamboyantly gay flight attendant on our Buffalo-to-Newark flight. In-flight entertainment: Bruno. No they didn't show a movie. #

• On runway in Buffalo. Delayed by wind. Will miss connection to LA. #

• Niagara Falls is INSANE! #
• RT @paulandstorm: [P] "Listen to them. Children of the night. Christ, what a racket." #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @paulandstorm: [P] "First rule of Fight Club is — dues must be paid by the first of every month." #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @paulandstorm: [P] "I'm mad as hell, and I'm telling you, that's pretty damn mad. Mad, mad, mad! Hoo-boy, am I mad!" #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @paulandstorm: [P] "He's Spartacus!" #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @paulandstorm: "I'm sorry; did you say 'badgers' or 'badges?' Actually, we don't have either, so the point is moot." #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @ChipChantry: "Guys, guys, time out… this boat is WAY TOO SMALL." #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @ChipChantry: "If you build it, your wife will get angry with you." #1stdraftmovielines #
• RT @diablocody: "Make sure I get paid adequately." #1stdraftmovielines #
• Why isn't there a law against guys with sleep apnea taking redeye flights? #
• Just enjoyed a bottle of jus d'orange. That means "orange juice" in French. We're learning the language of the people up here. #