EppsNet Archive: Celebrities

Who Will Scold the Scolders?

Oh my! Pants! Are around my ankles! Of all the smug moralizers in the world, I can’t think of one offhand who can out-smug George Takei. He’s gay, you know, which gives him an elevated moral perch from which to sermonize and pontificate. You don’t like it? Are you a homophobe? The recent surge in sexual harassment accusations among celebrities and media members, who are themselves usually the ones most likely to be dealing out the admonishments to our nation’s deplorables, is a schadenfreude booster, but it does raise the question of who will be left to scold the scolders? Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

People who “weigh in” on things rather than minding their own business . . . Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

Celebrities showing off their post-baby bodies Anyone who asks for privacy by issuing a press release through their publicist Anyone with a go-to karaoke song Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Breastfeeding Celebrities

“In paths untrodden,” as Walt Whitman marvelously put it. “Escaped from the life that exhibits itself . . .” Oh, that’s a plague, the life that exhibits itself, a real plague! — Saul Bellow, Herzog Who the heck is Olivia Wilde and why is there a photo all over the Internet of her breastfeeding an infant in a restaurant booth? I mean, not a surreptitious candid photo of her discreetly breastfeeding. A posed photo! In a designer dress! (I’m not posting or linking to the photo. If you haven’t already seen it, I’m sure you can find it.) Well it’s a natural function, breastfeeding — right? Yeah, but there are a number of natural functions that need not be performed in public and photographed. The life that exhibits itself . . . what a plague indeed. Read more →

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing

“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children,” said a statement from Cruise’s rep on Friday. “Please allow them their privacy.” — Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing – TODAY Entertainment Again the press release asking for privacy. ATTENTION EVERYONE! A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE! If not for the press release, who would know or care about this? I’ve got my own problems, thank you. And it’s another blow to the theory, believed by many, that having a lot of money, free time and famous friends is a guaranteed ticket to happiness. No one’s life is a fairy tale, no matter what it looks like . . . Read more →

See You in Hell

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Next year I’m going to live tweet the Oscar In Memoriam segment so I can tell you which celebrities are in Hell. See you at the movies! Read more →

Celebrity Breakups

Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard Have Separated — msn.com, Dec. 19, 2011 The story was posted this week but it turns out they actually separated two years ago. Normally, with celebrity breakups, the couple sends out a press release asking for privacy “in this difficult time.” That always seemed to me like one of the stupidest ideas in a world full of stupid ideas: sending out a press release requesting privacy. It turns out if you just keep your mouth shut about it, you can split up and no one will know or care. You can have all the privacy you want . . . P.S. Why do people split up in their late 60s after 30 years together? DO THEY WANT TO DIE ALONE?! Read more →

Twitter: 2011-01-23

RT @celebinrmonolog: 10-YEAR-OLD WILLOW SMITH: Yo, I've paid my dues! Now gimme my deserved stardom, bitches! # RT @theharryshearer: The voice of empire: “Get used to it, world. We’re not going to put up with nonsense.” Duane (Dewey) Clarridge. # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-10-15

RT @Jesus_M_Christ: #unheardcelebbooks "I Did Not Sacrifice Myself so You could Get Fat and Watch Jersey Shore" By Jesus M Christ # Read more →

Crime and Showbiz

I do think that crime and show business have never been more closely aligned. I don’t know if there has ever been a time where criminal arrests are worth as much in terms of $$ as going on a publicity tour or being in a movie. — Merrill Markoe Read more →

Signs That Things Aren’t Going Well

All your money is tied up in a pack of lifesavers. You think celebrities are fascinating. — Eddie Pepitone Read more →

The Conundrum of Fame

Here’s conundrum of fame, as I see it: It’s always said that if you want to be famous, you must endure criticism. The fabled “trade off”… …But the whole reason people want to be famous is to be loved. They’re love-addicts. Hating a celeb is like kicking a hemophiliac. Like I bet Tom Hanks internalizes a shitty remark way more than, say, the HR lady in your office. He’s needy. That’s why he’s Tom Hanks. All right, enough Psych 101. My Chihuahua looks like Billy Crystal and my Shepherd is Gheorghe Muresan. They need a development deal. — Diablo Cody Read more →

The Latte Factor

Is $1 million really better than a good cup of coffee? Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars. I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money). Read more →