EppsNet Archive: Celebrities

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

27 May 2015 /

Bette Midler weighs in

People who “weigh in” on things rather than minding their own business . . .


More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

4 Mar 2015 /
  • Celebrities showing off their post-baby bodies
  • Anyone who asks for privacy by issuing a press release through their publicist
  • Anyone with a go-to karaoke song

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Breastfeeding Celebrities

8 Aug 2014 /

“In paths untrodden,” as Walt Whitman marvelously put it. “Escaped from the life that exhibits itself . . .” Oh, that’s a plague, the life that exhibits itself, a real plague!

— Saul Bellow, Herzog

Who the heck is Olivia Wilde and why is there a photo all over the Internet of her breastfeeding an infant in a restaurant booth? I mean, not a surreptitious candid photo of her discreetly breastfeeding. A posed photo! In a designer dress!

(I’m not posting or linking to the photo. If you haven’t already seen it, I’m sure you can find it.)

Well it’s a natural function, breastfeeding — right? Yeah, but there are a number of natural functions that need not be performed in public and photographed.

The life that exhibits itself . . . what a plague indeed.


Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing

29 Jun 2012 /
Cruise jumps on the couch during the taping of...

“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children,” said a statement from Cruise’s rep on Friday. “Please allow them their privacy.”

Again the press release asking for privacy. ATTENTION EVERYONE! A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE!

If not for the press release, who would know or care about this? I’ve got my own problems, thank you.

And it’s another blow to the theory, believed by many, that having a lot of money, free time and famous friends is a guaranteed ticket to happiness. No one’s life is a fairy tale, no matter what it looks like . . .


See You in Hell

26 Feb 2012 /
Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Next year I’m going to live tweet the Oscar In Memoriam segment so I can tell you which celebrities are in Hell.

See you at the movies!


Celebrity Breakups

21 Dec 2011 /

Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard Have Separated

The story was posted this week but it turns out they actually separated two years ago.

Normally, with celebrity breakups, the couple sends out a press release asking for privacy “in this difficult time.”

That always seemed to me like one of the stupidest ideas in a world full of stupid ideas: sending out a press release requesting privacy.

It turns out if you just keep your mouth shut about it, you can split up and no one will know or care. You can have all the privacy you want . . .

P.S. Why do people split up in their late 60s after 30 years together? DO THEY WANT TO DIE ALONE?!


Twitter: 2011-01-23

23 Jan 2011 /
Twitter
  • RT @celebinrmonolog: 10-YEAR-OLD WILLOW SMITH: Yo, I've paid my dues! Now gimme my deserved stardom, bitches! #
  • RT @theharryshearer: The voice of empire: “Get used to it, world. We’re not going to put up with nonsense.” Duane (Dewey) Clarridge. #

Twitter: 2010-10-15

15 Oct 2010 /
Twitter

Crime and Showbiz

28 Sep 2010 /

I do think that crime and show business have never been more closely aligned. I don’t know if there has ever been a time where criminal arrests are worth as much in terms of $$ as going on a publicity tour or being in a movie.


Signs That Things Aren’t Going Well

29 Jun 2010 /
  1. All your money is tied up in a pack of lifesavers.
  2. You think celebrities are fascinating.

The Conundrum of Fame

1 Apr 2009 /

Here’s conundrum of fame, as I see it: It’s always said that if you want to be famous, you must endure criticism. The fabled “trade off”…

…But the whole reason people want to be famous is to be loved. They’re love-addicts. Hating a celeb is like kicking a hemophiliac.

Like I bet Tom Hanks internalizes a shitty remark way more than, say, the HR lady in your office. He’s needy. That’s why he’s Tom Hanks.

All right, enough Psych 101. My Chihuahua looks like Billy Crystal and my Shepherd is Gheorghe Muresan. They need a development deal.


The Latte Factor

8 Sep 2003 /

Is $1 million really better than a good cup of coffee?

Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars.

Cappuccino with dollar sign

I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money).

Continue reading The Latte Factor