A British man whom media had identified as the fattest person alive has died of pneumonia after a devastating battle with an eating disorder that brought him to 980 pounds. — msn.com Who was the second fattest person alive? Nobody cares, right? The good news is that whoever that person is is now the fattest person alive, with all of the attendant attention and notoriety. There’s a positive angle to every story if you make the effort to find it . . . Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] CLAYTON, Mo.— A grand jury declined to indict a white police officer in the shooting of an unarmed black teenager whose death in the St. Louis suburb of Ferguson became a national flash point on race, justice and policing. — WSJ.com Greetings from the underworld! Why is Michael Brown always described as “an unarmed black teenager” rather than “a violent troublemaker” or “a current resident of Hell,” both of which are at least equally accurate? Anyone who thinks an unarmed person doesn’t pose a threat has never been punched in the face. If you have a gun and I don’t and you let me take the gun away from you, all of a sudden I’m not unarmed anymore. See you in Hell . . . Read more →
Who Said It: Monsignor Ignacio Carrasco de Paula or Miss South Carolina Teen 2007?
Regarding Brittany Maynard: Suicide is not a good thing. It is a bad thing because it is saying no to life and to everything it means with respect to our mission in the world and toward those around us. Huh? If you said the Monsignor, you are correct . . . Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Brain Cancer Patients
Brain cancer patients are worse than vegetarians — meddling busybodies telling everyone else how to live their lives. Ever since Brittany Maynard announced her intention to end her own life, brain cancer patients have been coming out of the woodwork to tell her that she has no right to do that (see here, here, here and here). Some people don’t want to die the kind of lingering death that exhausts the emotional and financial resources of their loved ones. In fact, I think most people don’t, but I think most people with a terminal illness imagine themselves dying a kind of radiant death like people with terminal illnesses in movies. By the time reality sets in, the dying person is past knowing or caring. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Johnny Mathis – singer I got an email this afternoon notifying me that priority tickets are now available for a Johnny Mathis concert Nov. 8 at the Segerstrom Center for the Arts. If you’d asked me this morning if Johnny Mathis is still alive, I would have said “I don’t think so.” Read more →
Joan Rivers, 1933-2014
I’ll miss her . . . she was funny, she pushed the envelope and she didn’t apologize. RIP Joan Rivers Read more →
Don Pardo, 1918-2014
In February 2002, I published a list of people I (incorrectly) thought were dead: Joey Bishop – TV host Ernest Borgnine – actor Red Buttons – actor Kitty Carlisle – game show panelist Alistair Cooke – TV host Buddy Ebsen – actor Glenn Ford – actor Eugene McCarthy – U.S. senator Jack Paar – TV host, “The Tonight Show” Don Pardo – TV announcer Artie Shaw – clarinetist and bandleader Byron White – U.S. supreme court justice Richard Widmark – actor With the death of Don Pardo this evening, all of those people are actually dead: Joey Bishop – died 10/17/2007, age 89 Ernest Borgnine – died 7/8/2012, age 95 Red Buttons – died 7/13/2006, age 87 Kitty Carlisle – died 4/18/2007, age 96 Alistair Cooke – died 3/30/2004, age 95 Buddy Ebsen – died 7/6/2003, age 95 Glenn Ford – died 8/30/2006, age 90 Eugene McCarthy – died 12/10/2005,… Read more →
Did Robin Williams Have a Dog?
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! I’m seeing a person named Robin Williams on TV a lot. He always seems excited and happy, like a puppy! It’s scaring people that he ended his own life. Dogs never end their own life, no matter what. You might think we couldn’t do that but we could run in front of a car or jump off a balcony, just to name a couple of things. I wonder if Robin Williams had a dog . . . My owner and I are getting old together. We can’t run like we used to, or see very well or hear very well. He’s sad about it sometimes but I think it helps people to see dogs trying our best in every situation. Everything is temporary. — Lightning Read more →
More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of: “He Was Even Better as a Person”
A person named Will Arnett was taping the Conan O’Brien show yesterday when they found out about Robin Williams’ untimely demise. Arnett said this: “As funny as he was — he’s truly one of the all-time greats — he was even better as a person.” That’s a reliable formulation: As great as he was as a [thing the person was known to be great at], he was even better as a person. Of course because the person was known to be an outlier at the one thing, he (or she) was almost certainly NOT even better as a person. How great was Robin Williams as a comedian? Top 10? I don’t know, that’s pretty competitive . . . I’m thinking of Groucho, Cosby, Charlie Chaplin, Steve Martin, George Carlin, Richard Pryor, Leno, Letterman . . . But I’d say Top 20, definitely. So according to Will Arnett, Robin Williams was… Read more →
Robin Williams, 1951-2014
Robin Williams dies at 63 in apparent suicide — LA Times Past a certain point in life, there’s not a great deal to look forward to. I imagine it’s more difficult if the process includes transitioning from fame to anonymity. Maybe he should have taken up golf . . . Read more →
Unintended Consequences: The Death of George Washington
In 1799, George Washington fell ill with an infection. Doctors at that time believed that illnesses were caused by an imbalance of fluids in the body. In particular, they believed that fevers were caused by an excess of blood, so they treated Washington’s fever with five separate bloodlettings, which together drained off over half the blood in his body. Not only did the bloodletting not have a healing effect, it probably hastened his death. The human body is a very complex mechanism. Society is a very complex mechanism. You might decide, with good intentions, to tinker with a complex mechanism thinking that even if your intervention doesn’t achieve the full benefit you’re hoping for, it will at least be better than nothing. No — tinkering with a complex mechanism when you have no idea what you’re doing is only going to make things worse. Related Links “In Praise of Passivity”… Read more →
What Comes Around Goes Around
Via MSN News: It’s a little-known fact that if a woman survives an honor killing, the would-be killers must themselves be killed in an honor killing for botching the original honor killing. Read more →
Futility
We saw BODIES: The Exhibition at the Luxor in Las Vegas. You’ve probably heard about this . . . dissected bodies are preserved and displayed for educational purposes. Most of the bodies are displayed in athletic poses with props: baseball, basketball, tennis racket, etc. One of the bodies is aiming a dart with his right hand while holding a second dart in his left hand. Of course he’s never going to need that second dart because he’s never going to throw the first dart. Because he’s dead. It creates a sad effect in my opinion . . . plans, unbeknownst to the planner, that will never come to fruition. Futility doesn’t always end with death. Meanwhile . . . I overheard a young woman telling her girlfriend that one of the cadavers had “a nice butt.” Live fast, die young, leave a good-looking corpse. Read more →
Killed by Prayer
A woman on Facebook a couple of days ago asked everyone to pray for her seriously ill father. Today, he died. Go figure. Had he made a miraculous recovery, we would have said that prayer “worked” . . . but what does it mean when you pray for someone to live and he dies? I had a college professor . . . his exams were graded by a graduate assistant, but students had the option of appealing grades to the professor. That’s not unusual, but most professors will either raise the grade or leave it as is. This guy, however, would either raise the grade, leave it as is or lower it. Risky! Maybe God operates on the same principle. When you put someone’s fate in his hands, he retains the option of saying “toodle-oo.” Read more →
People Who Have Died
I am getting aware of the fact that I keep writing and thinking about people who have died. I love living. I do not want to die for a long time because I am not ready. I suppose if I thought I was going to die, I could get ready given a period of time, but I am not sure about that. Some folks think that this is not a good thing to think about. I envy the control they must have over their thinking processes. — Neil Young, Waging Heavy Peace Read more →
Dying at the Right Time
Paul McCartney has 5,700,000 Likes on Facebook. John Lennon has 15,000,000 Likes, despite being dead for more than 30 years. As Nietzsche used to say, “One must discontinue being feasted upon when one tasteth best; that is known by those who want to be long loved.” Read more →
(Willis) Tower of Terror
Cracks appear on Willis Tower’s 103rd-story ledge — TODAY Been there, done that, took a picture: It was boring. You know what would make it more exciting? If they put up a sign that said ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK and three to five times a year the glass cracked and people plunged to their death. Is that too much? OK, switch it to one plunge every three to five years. Read more →
People I Thought Were Dead
Chuck Barris – TV host, “The Gong Show” Fidel Castro – Cuban dictator Richard Chamberlain – actor, “Dr. Kildare” Jules Feiffer – cartoonist, “The New Yorker” Rhonda Fleming – actress Pete Fountain – clarinetist Zsa Zsa Gabor – actress Dick Gregory – comedian Lee Iacocca – automobile manufacturer Dean Jones – actor Graham Kerr – The Galloping Gourmet Imelda Marcos – Philippine first lady “Little Richard” Penniman – rock ‘n’ roll pioneer Neil Simon – playwright, “The Odd Couple” Larry Storch – actor, “F-Troop” Rip Taylor – comedian Mel Tillis – country singer/songwriter Grant Tinker – TV executive, NBC Y. A. Tittle – Hall of Fame football player Claus von Bulow – acquitted attempted murder defendant Gene Wilder – actor, “Young Frankenstein” Chuck Yeager – test pilot Updates Chuck Barris – died 3/27/2017, age 87 Fidel Castro – died 11/25/2016, age 90 Rhonda Fleming – died 10/14/2020, age 97 Pete… Read more →
See You in Hell, Carl Douglas
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] “It put a smile on my face that finally [Donald Sterling] would be unable to deny the racist allegations against him,” said Carl Douglas, a lawyer who represented former Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor in a lawsuit against Sterling. — FOX Sports Carl Douglas is best known as a member of the O.J. Simpson defense team. O.J. Simpson has done some regrettable things, like murdering a couple of white people, but at least he’s never made negative remarks about Magic Johnson photos on Instagram. See you in Hell . . . P.S. Carl Douglas the lawyer should not be confused with Carl Douglas the “Kung Fu Fighting” singer. Him, I like. Read more →
Pope John Paul II Just Killed a Guy
Man crushed by giant crucifix dedicated to Pope A man has been crushed to death after a giant crucifix dedicated to Pope John Paul II collapsed, just days before a historic Papal canonisation in Rome. The 30-metre-high (98ft) wooden and concrete cross fell during a ceremony in the Italian Alpine village of Cevo, near Brescia. Another man was taken to hospital. The structure was dedicated to John Paul II on his visit to the region in 1998. — ITV News It’s clear to me that the Pope intended to kill this man. What’s the rule? Does this cancel out one of his life-saving miracles? If you believe that a dead person can be the agent of unexplained happenings on Earth, then you’ve got to take the bad with the good. If the Pope gets credit for a miracle when a woman’s health improves after seeing his picture in a magazine,… Read more →