I dislike Oxford commas. They’re unnecessary, they take time to type and they slow down reading. Keep it quick, keep it simple. View this post on Instagram A post shared by The New Yorker Cartoons (@newyorkercartoons) Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Divorce
Tom Brady, Gisele Bündchen File for Divorce
I may be ignorant about crucially important details obviously but it seems like the main problem from Ms. Bündchen’s point of view was that her husband had a job. First, I’m super against divorces for people with minor children. Second, there are just few if any people who are as physically attractive as Tom Brady, have the charisma of Tom Brady, have as much money as Tom Brady, and are as good at their job as Tom Brady. So if she’s thinking she’s going to upgrade her spouse, she’s almost certainly deluded or getting bad advice. On the other side, I can’t help thinking that Tom Brady would be able to choose from any number of fabulously attractive women to enliven his social life. Read more →
The Jerry Hall Problem
Sylvester Stallone’s Wife Jennifer Flavin Files for Divorce After 25 Years of Marriage – people.com Women have got it made, my friends. No matter what you hear about sexism, glass ceilings, misogynist Republicans, etc., men can’t do what Jennifer Flavin (and others) can do, i.e., marry a rich, older spouse, get divorced, take a windfall profit, and still have a lot of good years ahead of you. Flavin is 54. Her soon-to-be ex-husband is 76. I read the other day that Jerry Hall filed for divorce from Rupert Murdoch. I didn’t even know she was married to Rupert Murdoch. I know she was Mick Jagger’s partner for long enough to have four kids with him. The child support from someone of Mick Jagger’s wealth, while I don’t know exactly what it is, has got to provide a very handsome income stream. Jerry Hall is 66 years old. She looks good… Read more →
Sad, Tumultuous Middle-Age Years
Divorce, abandonment, the unacceptable and the unattainable, ennui filled with action, sad. tumultuous middle-age years shaken by crashings, uprootings, coups, desperate renewals. — Elizabeth Hardwick, Sleepless Nights Read more →
That Is the Way to Get Attention
Divorces and separation — that is the way to get attention. Everyone examines his own state and some say: Strange, they were much happier than we are. There are streets in the East 90’s where youngish couples on the wave of success buy town houses and do them over at great expense, uncovering old wood, taking off the stoop so that drunks cannot loiter, making a whole floor for the children to be quiet on. The strain and the cost and the house, a mausoleum with both names on it waiting for the dates to be filled in, drives the couple to separation. The streets are called Death Row. — Elizabeth Hardwick, Sleepless Nights Read more →
Ilhan Omar Forcibly Separating Children From Parents?
Ilhan Omar files for divorce from husband Ahmed Hirsi amid affair allegations — New York Post Why aren’t we hearing more about the Ilhan Omar extramarital affair and divorce? I remember when it was reported that Donald Trump had an extramarital affair with Stormy Daniels . . . that was a national news story for MONTHS! There was a period of time when her attorney, Michael Avenatti, was getting more airtime on CNN than the actual CNN hosts, for no reason other than to make derisive remarks about Trump. Unlike the Trump case though, where there was no divorce and everyone went on with their lives, Omar has filed for divorce, as has the wife of the man she had the affair with. Both families have minor children, who will be forcibly separated from their parents, and if there’s one thing the progressive left hates, it’s children being forcibly separated… Read more →
How the Bezos Divorce Rewrites the World’s Richest People List
Current Jeff Bezos, $140 billion Bill Gates, $90 billion Warren Buffett, $84 billion Bernard Arnault, $72 billion Mark Zuckerberg, $71 billion Future Bill Gates, $90 billion Warren Buffett, $84 billion Bernard Arnault, $72 billion Mark Zuckerberg, $71 billion Jeff Bezos, $70 billion MacKenzie Bezos, $70 billion Read more →
Thomas Jefferson on John McCain
My fellow Americans – Like President Trump, I was not invited to any of the John McCain memorial services, so I offer my final thoughts here. McCain’s service to his country while being held as a POW in Vietnam was admirable beyond measure. Because his father was commander of all U.S. forces in the Vietnam theater, the Vietnamese offered to release McCain, not as a gesture of mercy, but as a propaganda coup, and to show other POWs that members of the elite were willing to be treated preferentially. McCain stated that he would only accept the offer if every man captured before him was released as well. This enraged the Vietnamese, and McCain’s subsequent five years as a POW went very badly for him, as he doubtlessly knew they would. Liberals have been very kind to McCain this week because 1) he’s dead, and 2) he was an enemy… Read more →
Grounds for Dissolution
Divorce has traditionally been a fault-based proceeding, but California and most other states are now no-fault jurisdictions, and a divorce in legal terms is now called a Dissolution of Marriage. And yet we never hear anyone say “I’m going to dissolve you.” The primary ground for dissolution in California is “irreconcilable differences.” In a Regular Dissolution you are also allowed to use “incurable insanity.” Your spouse may seem crazy to you, but the insanity case is too complicated for you to present without an attorney, so if you want to keep things simple, go ahead and use “irreconcilable differences.” Read more →
Gay Divorcee Wants $94,000 a Month
Jane Lynch’s ex wants $94,000 in monthly spousal support — MSN TV News You’ve gotta be careful what you wish for. We want to be able to marry our same-sex partners. We want to enjoy the blessings and sacraments of love just like straight people. O-kay . . . do you also want to pay $94,000 a month to your same-sex partner when things don’t work out? Back in the pre-gay-marriage era, Jane Lynch could have ended the relationship with a handshake and perhaps a modest gratuity if she felt like it. People don’t know when they’re well-off. Group A feels put upon in comparison to Group B, wants to be more like Group B, and doesn’t think about having to give up the advantages of NOT being like Group B. As Bobby Fischer used to say, “To get squares, you’ve got to give squares.” Everything’s a tradeoff. Read more →
Jane Lynch, Gay Divorcee
Jane Lynch and her wife of nearly three years, Lara Embry, are planning to divorce. “Lara and I have decided to end our marriage. This has been a difficult decision for us as we care very deeply about one another. We ask for privacy as we deal with this family matter,” Lynch told ABC News in a statement. — ABC News This is a great time to be a divorce lawyer. Legalizing gay marriage means more marriages, which means more divorces. Also, emotion equals money in divorce cases. More emotion means more money for lawyers, and gay people are very emotional. In keeping with a stupid but time-honored custom, the couple announces the divorce, then asks for privacy, which they’d be more likely to get if they just skipped the announcement. Read more →
James Gandolfini Will See You in Hell
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] James Gandolfini is in Hell now. He says hi, and thanks for all the kind words. I’ve been at this gig a long time now but it still amazes me the hyperbole that surrounds the death of actors. Every one of them who dies is one of the great thespians of all time, if you buy into the post-mortem hype. Most lines of work have objective standards. When Joe Shlabotnik bites the dust, you can’t eulogize him as one of the great ballplayers of all time. But acting is something anyone can do well. You learn the script, say your lines and pick up your check. “He died too soon,” people say. When was he supposed to die? Like we can’t find another fat Italian guy to learn a script, say his lines and pick up… Read more →
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing
“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children,” said a statement from Cruise’s rep on Friday. “Please allow them their privacy.” — Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing – TODAY Entertainment Again the press release asking for privacy. ATTENTION EVERYONE! A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE! If not for the press release, who would know or care about this? I’ve got my own problems, thank you. And it’s another blow to the theory, believed by many, that having a lot of money, free time and famous friends is a guaranteed ticket to happiness. No one’s life is a fairy tale, no matter what it looks like . . . Read more →
Which Came First?
Given the combined emotional maturity of the bride and groom, I wondered at the wedding which would come first: a thank you note for the gift, or a divorce. I now have the answer: the divorce came first. We never did get the thank you note . . . Read more →
Not Exactly Romeo and Juliet
A Facebook friend asks to me to vote for her friends Riq and Chantelle to win their dream wedding. Clicking through on this invitation, I learn that Chantelle is a teacher and Riq is a “tattoo’r.” From the provided photo, I’d say they’re both in their mid to late 20s. The reason they can’t afford to pay for their own wedding? They have five kids. I post a comment: they already have five kids?!?! Response: Previous marriages no judging! Just vote 🙂 Then this follow-up comment from someone I don’t know: By the way that was excellent advise [sic], we should indeed never prejudge, because people who prejudge only assume things and don’t get the facts straight. OK, this guy needs to get his shit together and calm down. I’m not “prejudging” anybody; I’m evaluating people’s mental stability (or lack thereof) based on their accumulated number of kids, spouses and… Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-21
RT @capricecrane: “Spencer Pratt Writing Tell-All About Ex Heidi Montag.” Chapter One: She marries a douchebag. # RT @TheOnion: Obama To Create 17 New Jobs By Resigning And Finally Opening That Restaurant http://onion.com/a0V23H # Related articles Spencer Pratt to write tell-all book about ex Heidi Montag, as if we don’t already know everything (popwatch.ew.com) Read more →
Twitter: 2010-07-22
RT @joshcomers: Everyone who's better than me is overrated. # RT @serafinowicz: Recently divorced robot: 'Nervous about being single and having sex again. I'm a little rusty.' # Read more →
Divorce is Bad for the Planet
Al, Tipper Gore Shock Friends With Divorce Announcement — ABC News As if the burden of divorce weren’t bad enough, people with failed marriages can be blamed for global warming, according to a study by Michigan State University. Divorced couples use up more space in their respective homes, which amounts to to 38 million more rooms worldwide to light, heat and cool, noted the report. And people who divorced used 73 billion kilowatt-hours more of electricity and 627 billion gallons of water than they would otherwise in 2005. Dissolving a marriage also means doubling possessions, from the lowly can opener to the SUV. The report, however, did not estimate how many more natural resources the children of shared-custody parents consume by getting birthday and holiday gifts twice. Nor did it count the greenhouse gases spent to shuttle kids between their pair of energy-hogging households. — CNET News Read more →
O.J., Hulk and the Shaggy-Haired Pool Boy
Hulk Hogan on his estranged wife and her new boyfriend, “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior”: “You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife …. I totally understand O.J. I get it.” Look for the new reality show, “O.J. and Hulk: BFFs & Cellmates 4 Life,” coming soon to a closed-circuit prison camera near you. — Wonderwall Read more →