EppsNet

I’m not wearing green today — because I’m a dog. Don’t try to pinch me or I’ll bite you.

— Lightning

This is how to say “step away from the bone”: GRRRRRRRR!

OK, enough academics! Here’s a cartoon I really like:

— Lightning

Originally uploaded by amberlabelledvm

Because I’m pressed for time, I take the dog for a short walk this evening, just long enough to take care of the essentials.

My wife is concerned that five minutes isn’t enough exercise for the little guy, but isn’t a five-minute walk equivalent to a 35-minute walk for dogs?

I’ve heard that dogs can count up to 4 or 5. I’ve never tried to go that high but I know I can count up to 2 because every morning my owner gives me 2 vitamin tablets and when he gives me the first one I wait for the second one and when he gives me the second one I run off and do something else.

Oh this is unexpected! He just dropped a vitamin tablet on the floor so I ate it!

Now he’s giving me the first vitamin tablet . . .

(Waiting . . . waiting . . .)

I’m getting a bad feeling about this. DON’T TELL ME THE DROPPED ONE COUNTS AGAINST MY DAILY ALLOTMENT!

— Lightning

He is a bad dog . . . a pit bull mix. Last night he attacked Kumba the Shih Tzu, who is my neighbor across the street, and Kumba’s owner.

My owner heard screaming and ran outside. The pit bull owner was holding his dog back and Kumba’s owner was down on the sidewalk bleeding and screaming. She was very scared. She held her hand up to my owner like a drowning person.

Kumba was hiding in some bushes behind a tree so my owner went in and carried him out. Then the police came and the firemen came.

Kumba had a bite on his back and one of his back legs was hurt but he’s going to be okay and his owner is going to be okay.

I told Kumba he was very brave, even though he wasn’t. But it made him feel better and there was no harm in it.

Shih Tzus aren’t fighting dogs like pit bulls and pugs . . .

— Lightning

[Photos via Deadspin.]

ME: In the future it is neither necessary nor desirable for you to greet me every single time I walk in the door. Unless a minimum of two hours has passed, the previous greeting is still in effect. In other words, if I come IN the door, and you greet me, and then several minutes later I go OUT the door, only to return in a matter of seconds, you do NOT have to greet me again.

LEWIS: Ha-ha. Good one.

— Merrill Markoe, How to Be Hap-Hap-Happy Like Me

Security fears dog online banking

— Yahoo! News

Now that’s what I call lazy reporting. If they’d bothered to interview an actual dog, they would have found out that we don’t keep our money in banks because banks are run by Wall Street fat cats and we don’t trust Wall Street fat cats. Actually, we don’t trust any kind of cats.

There may be dogs online barking but there are no dogs online banking.

— Lightning

Originally uploaded by Beastie182

Originally uploaded by h4ndz

Originally uploaded by pugphotos

Hero dog saves boy, 11, from cougar attack

— msnbc.com

Dogs will save your life. Cats will try to kill your children.

— Lightning

Cats do not have a word for “fetch.”

— Lightning

• RT @OCWeekly: OC Sheriff To Morons: Don't Fire Guns To Celebrate New Year – http://bit.ly/5SOwld #
• RT @capricecrane: I had that dream again where I was in school giving a report in class, naked. We really should've reported that teacher. #
• RT @KathySierra: Puppy pics enjoy a lifetime exemption from any and all so-called "rules" about stock photos and cliches. #

Cuban Foreign Minister Bruno Rodriguez said in a televised press conference that Obama lied during the United Nations summit in Copenhagen and is making a habit of it after less than a year in office.

“He lies all the time, deceives with demagogic words, with profound cynicism,” Rodriguez told reporters.

“In this summit there was only an imperial, arrogant Obama who doesn’t listen, who imposes positions that even threaten developing countries,” he said.

Cuba joined Venezuela, Bolivia and and Nicaragua in opposing formal U.N. adoption of the deal which they and other developing nations saw as an imposition by powerful nations.

— Reuters

I AM SO ANGRY WITH GEORGE W BUSH ALEINATING FOREIGN LEDERS AND HARMING OUT INTERNATIONAL REPUTATION WITH HIS HIGH-HANDED TACITCIS TAHT I CANT EVEN THYPE

Wait — what? Oh okay, never mind . . .

— Lightning

“What kind of work do you do?” someone asks you.

“I’m a web developer,” you reply.

“How interesting! What site do you work on?”

“It’s just a small site. You wouldn’t have heard of it.”

“Oh I’m on the web a lot. I may have seen it. What’s it called?”

In a barely audible voice, halfway between a mumbling cough and a coughing mumble, you say, “DogPoopBags.com.”

“Ha ha ha — for a second there I thought you said DogPoopBags.com. I . . . uh . . . oh, sorry.”

Originally uploaded by wombatarama

Originally uploaded by RM Porangaba

Originally uploaded by pugphotos

Originally uploaded by RM Porangaba

• Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats: http://bit.ly/7SpXBU #