[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings mortals — A (now former) Las Vegas Raiders football player named Henry Ruggs III was driving around town at over 150 mph with a blood alcohol content twice the legal limit when — 150 mph?! God damn that’s a fast car! Where was I? Oh yes — when he smashed the car into another car, killing a woman and her dog. It’s my observation that Ruggs is not getting one percent of the nationwide vilification that another former member of the Raiders organization, Jon Gruden, has gotten. Gruden didn’t kill anyone but he did write some emails 10 years ago in which he used provocative language about homosexuals and people with big lips. To paraphrase Dave Chappelle, “You can kill a woman and nobody cares but you better not hurt the feelings of a gay… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Email
Healthy Enough to Type
I have a student in my class — let’s call him John — who missed the entire first week, so I sent him an email to the effect that I hadn’t seen him in class yet and what were his plans going forward. He replied that he had really been looking forward to the class but had a health condition that was going to force him to drop and who could he contact about a tuition refund. So he’s healthy enough to type. The class is online, so he could watch from his hospital bed if necessary. In short, I don’t believe him but what can you do? A slightly better way to play it, in my opinion, is to send me back an email saying “I’m typing this for John because he’s too sick to move his fingers. It’s really touch and go at this point. Please remember him… Read more →
How Much Would You Pay For a Watch?
I got an oddball email today from Amazon . . . Hello Paul Epps, We found something we think you might like. And what they thought I might like was the item on the right, a Breitling Navitimer 1 Automatic 38mm Steel & Red Gold – Silver Watch, which retails for $4,284.50 (free shipping included!). I do like it — click through on it, it’s a real beauty — but “liking” a $4,000 watch and having any intention of buying one are two entirely different things. Why they thought I’d be a good target customer for this email I have no idea. I’ve never shopped for watches on Amazon, nor have I ever made an Amazon purchase at anywhere close to a $4,000 price point. It’s the weirdest thing Amazon’s done since the time I was browsing for a book on software development principles and they suggested that I might… Read more →
Activities That No One Does Anymore
I got an email today from a company wanting to introduce me to their faxing API (Application Programming Interface). Faxing!? Will they also help me do other activities that no one does anymore, like playing the zither or baking my own bread? Read more →
Spam of the Day
“New drink will make you drop 10 by the end of the month” 10 what? 10 dollars? 10 teeth? 10 friends? 10 IQ points? Read more →
More Links on Work-Life Balance
Research behind the flexibility stigma (Article) Tara Siegel Bernard, “The Unspoken Stigma of Workplace Flexibility,” New York Times, June 14, 2013. Don’t become addicted to busy-ness (Article) Christine Carter, “Achieve More by Doing Less,” Mindful, September 14, 2015. Research about dual-centric workers (Report) Families and Work Institute, Catalyst, and the Boston College Center for Work & Family, Leaders in a Global Economy: A Study of Executive Women and Men (2008). Work-life integration (Video) Stew Friedman, “How to Integrate Work, Home, Community and Self,” YouTube video, 19:53, posted by “KnowledgeAtWharton,” May 28, 2008. Managing your life outside of work (Article) Stew Friedman, “Keep Your Home Life Sane when Work Gets Crazy,” Harvard Business Review, February 23, 2015. Research supports benefits of flex work (Article) Adi Gaskell, “Why A Flexible Worker Is A Happy And Productive Worker,” Forbes, January 15, 2016. Five simple tips to reduce the distraction and temptation of checking email all the time (Article) Lily… Read more →
Fernando and Barbara Ann
I got an email today from a guy named Fernando and I can’t get the song out of my mind . . . Can you hear the drums, Fernando? There was something in the air that night The stars were bright, Fernando. I would not want to have a name that reminds people of a song that they immediately start singing to me my whole life. Like Jude. Or Barbara Ann. Barbara Ann would be a bad name to have . . . Read more →
A Matter of Low Importance
It’s funny that Microsoft Outlook gives you the option to send email and flag it as “Low Importance.” If it’s low importance, why send it at all? Read more →
Eat a Bag of D*cks
I was informed today via email that a bag of gummy penises is a great way to tell friends, family, loved ones or enemies to eat a bag of dicks. An anonymous package is sent to your chosen recipient containing 2 things: A bag of delicious gummy candies and a note exclaiming “EAT A BAG OF DICKS.” You remain forever anonymous as you picture them wondering “Who sent this to me?” and “Are there more tasty gifts on the way?” What are you waiting for? Read more →
Jill Stein on Leaked DNC Emails
The leaked DNC emails are the smoking gun that the Democratic establishment was rigging the game against Bernie the whole time. Instead of running the process impartially and letting the voters decide, top Democratic officials were doing all they could to ensure a Clinton victory, including collusion with journalists to present a pro-Clinton, anti-Sanders narrative. You want to affirm a corrupt party that just dragged you across the coals? You expect your supporters, who have a vision and who voted for integrity, to follow you into this shithole? Is there no respect here for his campaign and for himself? Are they just going to pretend it didn’t happen? I think it would be very hard for a self-respecting Sanders supporter, in light of these revelations, to take the beating and humiliate themselves and disrespect themselves, to go into the campaign and support the predator who destroyed them. How is Hillary… Read more →
George Orwell: “I Told You So”
WASHINGTON (AP) — An Associated Press review of the official calendar Hillary Clinton kept as secretary of state identified at least 75 meetings with longtime political donors, Clinton Foundation contributors and corporate and other outside interests that were not recorded or omitted the names of those she met. — Associated Press Clinton campaign spokesman Nick Merrill said that Clinton “has always made an effort to be transparent since entering public life.” In addition to the unrecorded meetings with donors, this effort at transparency includes setting up a private email server to use as Secretary of State, and giving speeches at $200,000 per to Wall Street banks and investment firms, foreign governments and other special interest groups under a contract that prevents anyone from releasing a transcript of what she said. Merrill went on to say, “War is peace. Freedom is slavery. Ignorance is strength.” Read more →
Fun Fact of the Day
If you try to send “Oh good” as an email reply but type “Oh god” by mistake, your spell checker will not flag that as an error. Read more →
You Already Know Who I Am
I clicked an Unsubscribe link from an email and got a web page with this form: YOU ALREADY HAVE MY EMAIL ADDRESS! YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THIS LINK IN IT! Read more →
The Most Transparent Liar in Modern Times?
I’m the most transparent public official in modern times. — Hillary Clinton “That’s why as Secretary of State I ran a shadow government from a private email server, sending and receiving communications regarding secret programs, anti-terrorist activities, drone strikes, etc., so that there would be no public record of my activities. “I also give paid speeches to Wall Street firms under a contract that prohibits anyone from releasing a transcript of what I said.” What a scream! Maybe she means she’s the most transparent liar in modern times . . . Read more →
Always “Ass…”
Have you ever noticed in your inbox or browser tabs how the word “Association” always gets truncated to “Ass…”? Never “As…” or “Asso…,” always “Ass…” Read more →
Email From a Bird
I meant to sign this email “Nest Regards” but I typed “Best Regards” by mistake — and the spell check didn’t catch it! I am one angry bird right now . . . Read more →
The Cure for Missing Attachments
I wrote an email in Outlook 2013, concluded by saying “Details are in the attached doc,” then clicked Send without attaching the aforesaid document. I must not be the only person who does this, because when I clicked Send, this dialog box appeared: Obviously, Outlook is looking for words like “attached” or “attachment” in emails that don’t contain an actual attachment. It turns out that this behavior can be turned on or off in the Outlook Mail options: I have to admit that I don’t remember if “warn me” is the default option, or if I turned it on at some point in the past and forgot about it. Read more →
3 Questions That Get All Women Excited
I get a lot of spam lately with that topic: 3 Questions That Get All Women Excited. Does anyone know what the questions are? Asking for a friend . . . Read more →
Manager
I’ve noticed a new trend in spam is to put the word “Manager” in front of the sender’s name, e.g., Manager Joe Schmuck instead of just plain Joe Schmuck. Are people really this stupid? Does anyone think to themselves, “I don’t know any Joe Schmuck, but if he’s come up through the ranks to the level of Manager, then I think I owe it to myself to see what he has to say”? Read more →
Intellectual Giftedness is Not Necessarily Hereditary
I get an email from the UCI-Gifted-Students mailing list. Shortly thereafter, a parent clicks Reply All to send out this response: Please remove my name from your mailing list. Wait, there’s more. A second parent then responds to the first parent, also via Reply All: I’m one of receipents [sic] of the UCI-Gifted-Students emails, therefore not responsible and able to remove you. I wish I knew who to direct you to. Good luck. Read more →