EppsNet Archive: Exercise

I Slept Late But There’s a Reason for It

13 Jul 2014 /
Banksy's caveman

Think about our distant ancestors . . . energy in the form of food was scarce and hard to obtain. Those who survived had a genetic predisposition to not use energy wastefully but rather to store it up for times when it was really needed. This gave them an evolutionary advantage.

And that’s why I slept in and didn’t go to the gym this morning . . .

Happy Darwin Day!

12 Feb 2014 /

“I’ve been walking three miles a day. I thought my cardio fitness was pretty good. Then today I tried swimming some laps and found out that my fitness level is not what I thought it was.”

“Yes, well, it’s a good thing that complex life emerged from the seas so we can all spend more time walking and less time swimming. Happy Darwin Day!

Thomas Jefferson Solves the Country’s Obesity Problem

4 Jan 2013 /
Thomas Jefferson

A slight minority of Democrats (48%) say the government should be extremely or very involved compared to 13 percent of Republicans. Non-whites (47%) are more likely than whites (25%) to say the government should be very or extremely involved in finding solutions to the country’s obesity problem.

My fellow Americans —

The country doesn’t have an obesity problem. If you’re obese, that’s your problem, not the country’s problem, and you bear the costs of it, financial and otherwise.

Some people might argue that obesity causes an increase in public health costs. That is untrue.

Think about it. If you die in your 40s because you’re too fat, you have saved us all a lot of money, to the extent that your healthcare costs are borne by the public.  If you’d maintained a normal weight and lived to be 80, you’d still have end-of-life medical expenses, plus an additional 30 years of expenditures in between.

For those who want a solution to the “obesity problem,” I offer two:

  1. Eat less.
  2. Exercise more.

Got that, fatso?

Thomas Jefferson

What’s on Your Nightstand?

17 Dec 2012 /
  • Lamp
  • Clock radio
  • Extra pair of reading glasses
  • Business cards, mostly my own
  • 1 pen, 2 pencils
  • Post-Its
  • Vaccination record
  • Schedule of classes for LA Fitness
  • Two or three dollars in change
  • Nine dollars in Candian coins
  • 440 Indian rupees

Why is There No Progress in Exercise Science?

12 Nov 2012 /

Why can’t someone invent a workout you can do, say, once a year and still see excellent results? There is no progress in exercise science.

We can put a man on the moon, a rover on Mars, but we can’t develop a once-a-year, high intensity workout?

Very disappointing.

The Unmistakable Mark of the Moron

17 Jan 2012 /

We had a vendor rep stop by the office this morning . . .

The first thing he told me was, “I got a workout in this morning before I came over. Great way to start the day!”

Really? How does that information solve any of the problems we’re having with your software? How does it alter my planned activities for the day? You are not a serious person.

The unmistakable mark of the moron is he (or she) tells you about his workout schedule, especially if he has just worked out or is just about to work out.

If you’re fat, don’t say you “work out,” just say you “exercise.”

Posted by on 10 Jul 2011

Monday Morning Sets the Tone for the Week

25 Apr 2011 /

L.A. Fitness at 5 a.m. I don’t like exercising in a crowded gym. I also don’t like to get up early, but not as much as I don’t like exercising in a crowded gym, and if you get in there at 5 a.m., the gym isn’t crowded.

For 2011, I started doing different exercises every day of the week and changing up the entire workout every four weeks, instead of doing the same basic routine that I’d been doing since, like, forever.

I’m taking all major muscle groups by surprise on a regular basis. They have no idea what’s coming next.

If you’re not incorporating the element of surprise into your exercise regimen, you’re blowing a major opportunity.

HW’s Exercise of the Day

19 Apr 2011 /

Deadlifts, fuckers. I did five sets of ’em yesterday and I can barely walk.

No pain, no gain.

Warming Up is Horseshit

26 Jan 2011 /

Warming up is the biggest bunch of horseshit I’ve ever heard in my life. Fifteen minutes to warm up! Does a lion warm up when he’s hungry? ‘Uh-oh, here comes an antelope. Better warm up.’ No! He just goes out and eats the sucker.

— Jack LaLanne

Converting to Dog-Time

4 Mar 2010 /
Lightning at the Dog Park

Because I’m pressed for time, I take the dog for a short walk this evening, just long enough to take care of the essentials.

My wife is concerned that five minutes isn’t enough exercise for the little guy, but isn’t a five-minute walk equivalent to a 35-minute walk for dogs?

Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?

1 Mar 2010 /
Super Bacon Sunday #8

Experts say the belief that sexual activities can lead to a second heart attack consists of a little bit of truth, but research suggests that it is largely exaggerated. People can have sex after their heart attacks. In fact, the more you exercise — including having sex — the better your odds.

As a safety precaution, “You sort of have to test yourself on the sidewalk before you test yourself in the bedroom,” says Dr. Gerald W. Neuberg, cardiologist and director of the intensive care unit at New York-Presbyterian Hospital.

Twitter: 2009-12-07

7 Dec 2009 /

The Way to Get Rich

21 Oct 2009 /

The way to get rich in this world is mainly by making people feel large hope about a small exertion (i.e. “six-second abs,” lottery tickets, voting in an election, maturity models, and stuff like that). If you want to get rich, do not tie yourself to the truth.

Twitter: 2009-08-23

23 Aug 2009 /
  • @ReporterHaley Love the food at Lucille's. And they make a very good mint julep… in reply to ReporterHaley #
  • RT @capricecrane: I was trying to make exercising fun but apparently after a certain age its no longer "appropriate" to play Ding Dong Ditch #

Microblog: 2009-04-10

10 Apr 2009 /
  • RT @TinaFey: It’s so nice out. It almost makes me want to go for a walk.
    Almost. #
  • Philip Roth: “The tragedy of the man not set up for tragedy — that is every man’s tragedy.” #

The Man Who Wasn’t There

12 Dec 2008 /

I thought I saw one of the dads from my kid’s high school roller hockey team at L.A. Fitness this morning.


He was riding a stationary bike and there was no way I could get where I wanted to go without walking past him.

Great . . . now I’m going to have to take time out of my workout to acknowledge this guy and talk to him.

I hate talking to people when I’m working out. That’s why I come in here at 5 in the morning — because it’s not crowded and I don’t have to talk to anybody.

If this guy’s going to start coming in at 5 and I have to talk to him every morning — even if it’s just to say hello — I swear to Jesus I’m going to start coming in at 4.

Thank god it wasn’t him after all . . .