EppsNet

Sharks kill man kite-surfing off south Florida

— Reuters

Some people say life is too short. I say if you’ve got time for inane activities like kite-surfing, your life has already gone on way too long . . .

We’re off to Toronto for a week for NARCh. I wonder what the weather’s like in Toronto in July. At least there won’t be thunderstorms every day like the NARCh tournaments we went to in Florida.

Let me check the forecast . . .

Hulk Hogan on his estranged wife and her new boyfriend, “some shaggy-haired pool boy 30 years her junior”:

“You live half a mile from the 20,000-square-foot home you can’t go to anymore, you’re driving through downtown Clearwater [Florida] and see a 19-year-old boy driving your Escalade, and you know that a 19-year-old boy is sleeping in your bed, with your wife …. I totally understand O.J. I get it.”

Look for the new reality show, “O.J. and Hulk: BFFs & Cellmates 4 Life,” coming soon to a closed-circuit prison camera near you.

— Wonderwall

LAND O’ LAKES, Fla. (AP) – A nudist community on Florida’s west coast wants to establish the first clothing-optional polling site. The Caliente Resorts, located in Pasco County north of Tampa, has approached election officials about the idea.

— Breitbart.com

Overheard at Florida’s clothing-optional polling place:

Hey, Chad! How’s it hanging?

I recently spent a week in Florida with my son for a roller hockey tournament. We stayed at the Santa Maria Resort on Fort Myers Beach.

The place was great, like a furnished 2-bedroom apartment with a fully appointed kitchen: oven, stove, microwave, fridge, freezer, plates, bowls, pots, pans, silverware, etc. We went to the local Publix grocery the first day and stocked the place up with food and beverages.

We got all this for about $50 a night less than we would have paid for a room at, say, the Embassy Suites. And when I say “room,” I mean that usually when I travel with the boy, the hotel room is in fact a room and we’re both in it together. That’s a problem because he likes to watch TV in hotel rooms and I’d rather read a book.

But with the 2-bedroom setup — each bedroom on opposite sides of the suite, separated by the main room — I didn’t even know he was there most of the time.

Rating: Four stars (out of four).

Stoney’s Sports Cafe in Estero, Florida, has an interesting variation on the crane game. Instead of the usual collection of stuffed toys, the machine is filled with water and live lobsters. If you manage to catch one (at $2 a chance), they’ll cook it up and serve it to you.

Live by the claw, die by the claw.

One thing I learned on my recent vacation is that Florida, unlike California, doesn’t have a helmet law for motorcycles.

If you’re wondering what percentage of riders will wear a helmet for safety reasons if they’re not required to by law, the answer appears to be zero, although more than half the riders I observed did take the precautionary measure of wearing a shirt.

My son’s hockey team didn’t do so well at NARCh this time around. They got knocked out in the round-robin portion of the tournament.

That left us with some extra time on our hands, some of which we used to drive up to Tampa to watch the Angels get worked by the ordinarily hapless Devil Rays, 7-2.

We got good seats though! — right behind home plate about 10 rows up.

Completing the hat trick of futility, I arrived back in California to find that the mortgage bank I worked for had laid off 400 people, including me.

The good news is that I did get a severance package, unlike the last time I got laid off (from a dot-com company), when all I got was a handshake and an escort to the parking lot.

Oh, and I’ve got more time to read the last Harry Potter book. I’m really sick of Harry Potter but I do want to find out how the whole thing wraps up . . .

We’re off to NARCh for a week. I hope there won’t be thunderstorms every day like the last time we were there.

Let’s have a look at the 5-day . . .

My son is listening to his iPod as we take off from Tampa, heading back to Orange County. We’ve been cautioned to turn off electronic devices during takeoff.

Continue reading Driving the Plane

Semifinal – 1:35 P.M. vs. NW Rebels

The NW Rebels are from Oregon. We saw them play a little bit in the round-robin games. They have one very talented kid, but hockey is a team game.

Final score: Bulls 8, Rebels 0.

Continue reading NARCh – Day 4

Game 4 – 9:00 A.M. vs. Mission Cooler Selects

The Selects are from Georgia. They fall behind 2-0 on the first shift and go downhill from there.

Final score: Bulls 8, Selects 0.

Continue reading NARCh – Day 3

Game 3 – 9:00 A.M. vs. Extreme Wolfpack

Extreme Wolfpack is from New Jersey, Like the Bulls, they are 2-0 so far in the tournament.

Final score: Bulls 4, Wolfpack 1.

Continue reading NARCh – Day 2

My son’s team, MPC Bulls Blue, is playing in the NARCh 12-and-under Squirt Silver division. Sixteen teams qualified in this division. Each team will play four round-robin games, after which the top eight teams will be seeded into the quarterfinals.

Continue reading NARCh – Day 1

The hockey tournament starts tomorrow . . . the first game’s at 9 in the morning. We’ll need to be there by 8 to check in, so we’ll have to leave the hotel by 7:30.

Continue reading One Day to Rest

My son and I are off to Florida, land of hurricanes and shark attacks, where his team will compete in the North American Roller Hockey Championships.

Continue reading Off to Florida

On a bus ride from the hotel to one of the parks, we were seated behind a short, fat hayseed with an enormous head . . . we passed a number of landmarks and attractions, none of which seemed to capture his interest.

Then, just as we arrived at the Magic Kingdom, he jumped halfway out of his seat, pointed to a clearing in the woods and shouted, “Turkeys! Wild turkeys, right there!”

Continue reading Vignettes from Disney World