EppsNet Archive: Funerals

When Death Is Not Death

A certain man was believed to have died, and was being prepared for burial, when he revived. He sat up, but he was so shocked by the scene surrounding him that he fainted. He was put in a coffin, and the funeral party set off for the cemetery. Just as they arrived at the grave, he regained consciousness, lifted the… Read more →

What Are the Rules on Refusing a Religious Funeral?

PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. —- The father of the Orlando gunman said his son was buried at a Florida cemetery this week. Seddique Mateen would not say where his son, Oman Mateen, was buried, but said it was an Islamic burial. — WPBF.com Is a Muslim entitled to an Islamic funeral no matter what kind of atrocity he commits, in… Read more →

If You Quote Poetry at My Death, I Will Haunt You

If you know me, and you outlive me, and you want to say something on the occasion of my demise, please do not quote a snippet of poetry or other literary material, e.g., “He did not go gently into that good night.” Or: “I think Wordsworth said it best . . .” Bullshit . . . Wordsworth did not say… Read more →

Satan on Rodney King

Rodney King’s fiancee was not invited to his funeral?! This is too much! I’m still dealing with the shock of learning that he had a swimming pool. I saw Al Campanis this morning and he said to me, “I hate to say I told you so . . .” Read more →

The Deceased Didn’t Work and Neither Did the Eulogy

The LA Times ran a eulogy for a young Occupy protester this weekend . . . Alex Weinschenker was born 23 years ago last month. He was his parents’ only child, and he was beautiful. — Man who found a deep sense of purpose in Occupy L.A. is mourned – latimes.com That’s a very young age to die — 23… Read more →