EppsNet

My wife’s in a great mood. She’s just back from grocery shopping at the local Korean market, where fresh produce is sold cheaply.

“Guess how much for these,” she says excitedly, holding up a package of eggs.

“How many are there?”

“Twenty.”

I haven’t bought eggs in years so I have no idea how much they cost. I’m thinking of guessing $1.99 but I don’t want to undershoot the real price and take all the fun out of it for her.

“Two ninety-nine,” I say.

“Ninety-nine cents!” She’s now holding up a small carton of fruit. “How much for these?” she asks.

“What are those?”

“Boysenberries.”

“Ninety-nine cents,” I say, since that was the right answer on the eggs.

“Thirty-three cents! How can they sell this stuff so cheap?”

“They sneak around local farms by night, stealing eggs and boysenberries. It’s the only possible explanation.”

I’m waiting in line at Trader Joe’s while the checkout guy engages the woman in front of me in a conversation about her groceries, her occupation, where she went to school . . . it’s not even a particularly long conversation in terms of elapsed time . . . the guy just talks so fast that he’s able to cover a lot of ground.

Personally, I don’t like conversing with service personnel unless they’re attractive women, and even then I don’t like it that much.

OK, my turn. The first item out of the basket is a package of dog chews.

“What kind of dog do you have,” the guy asks.

I decide to try a little verbal jiu jitsu and say “We don’t have a dog. You ever try those things? They’re really good.”

It doesn’t even slow him down.

“Do they clean your teeth?” he asks. “I bet they do. We’ve got ‘em in mint flavor, you know . . .”