EppsNet Archive: Heat

See You in Hell

by  on Satan
 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] I’m hearing a lot of Orange County residents complaining about the heat this weekend. Take it from someone who knows about heat: 98 degrees is not heat. You’ll see what I’m talking about soon enough. Enjoy the 98-degree temperatures while you can. On a related note, why does everyone say “Jesus Christ, it’s hot” and no one says “Satan, it’s hot”? See you in Hell . . . Read more →

Hot August Morning

by  on Lightning
 

It’s going to be another hot day! Not even 8 a.m. and I’m panting already! — Lightning Read more →

Satan on Osama bin Laden

by  on Satan
 

My co-author Paul Epps, one of his colleagues at the office thinks the Osama bin Laden death was a hoax. This same fool believes that the new electric meter at his house is giving him brain cancer based on no evidence at all, but when the president of the United States says bin Laden is dead, he’s like Where are the pictures?! HAAAHAHAHA! People are so gullible — thank God! HAHA! I said thank God, get it? I’m Satan! But seriously, I just want to reassure you idiots that Osama is really here. It’s a tough adjustment for him. Some people know damn well ahead of time that they’re going to hell, so it’s an easier transition. But Osama! Oh man was he surprised to see me! I wish you could have seen the look on his face! HAHA! What a Kodak moment! Gosh, I’m really dating myself with that… Read more →

It Was Hot

by  on 
 

It was HOT today at the Coliseum — not quite as hot as it’s been all week, and there was a bit of a breeze — but it was HOT. During the game, there was a roar behind us that sounded like a jet flying past outside the stadium. The second time it happened, my son figured out what it was. When the Goodyear blimp flew over the west end of the stadium, it cast a moving shadow over the stands (see photo). The roar was a rolling cheer from sweltering people who all of a sudden found themselves in the shade for a couple of seconds . . . Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-31

by  on 
 

If you leave the final s off the word assess, spell-check will not flag it as an error. This was an accidental discovery, like penicillin. # I saw a kid walking around today wearing a ski cap. A SKI CAP!? IT'S 93 DEGREES! Wearing SKIS would make more sense! # Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-05

by  on 
 

What's better on a hot summer afternoon — iced tea or lemonade? Thanks to Arnold Palmer, I don't have to choose! # "AA can only help weak people because their ego is strengthened by the group. I was never a joiner." — F. Scott Fitzgerald # Read more →

Feeling the Burn

by  on 
 

It’s a warm early summer day here in Southern California. As I come back to the office from lunch, a colleague is setting up one of those windshield screens to keep the sun from shining into her car all afternoon. Toughen up, sweetie. I like my steering wheel to be blazing hot when I return to my vehicle. The pain reminds me I’m alive. AAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Read more →