The hockey tournament starts tomorrow . . . the first game’s at 9 in the morning. We’ll need to be there by 8 to check in, so we’ll have to leave the hotel by 7:30. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Kids
Off to Florida
My son and I are off to Florida, land of hurricanes and shark attacks, where his team will compete in the North American Roller Hockey Championships. Read more →
Argumentation
My wife signed our 11-year-old boy up for a week-long class in argumentation — sort of a moot court thing, I think — at UC Irvine. The cost: $400. Read more →
Why a Jukebox?
Sometimes I get a song in my head and I have to walk around the house singing it: I love rock ‘n’ roll So put another dime in the jukebox, baby “Why a jukebox?” my kid asks. Read more →
Summer Vacation
It’s the first morning of summer vacation and my boy is on the computer loading up his iPod . . . “And what might you be doing?” he says as I walk by. “Getting ready for work,” I say. “Oh yeah . . . work.” Read more →
Critics
I’m listening to some new music on my laptop, while my kid delivers a running critique . . . “Boring,” he says. “Lame.” “If you don’t like it, go somewhere else. Move along!” “Critics don’t ‘move along,’” he says. “Critics have to criticize.” Read more →
Don’t Trade Insults With a 6th Grader on the Day Vocabulary Words Are Assigned
ME: You’re a real wise guy. HIM: You’re lamentable. Read more →
Hockey Boy
My son’s hockey team won the TORHS West Coast Conference championship. They got jerseys and a trophy. I took some team and individual photos. Read more →
Pre-Automation
My son is doing a “generation gap” essay for school, in which he contrasts my life as an 11-year-old with his. Read more →
You’re Welcome
My son and I are enjoying a weekend nap . . . “Thanks, Dad,” he says. “What are you thanking me for?” “Nothing really . . . just everything . . .” Read more →
I Know Lots of Different Languages
My son is looking over my résumé, including the part where it says I’ve worked with lots of different languages. “You don’t know a lot of languages,” he says. Read more →
My Dog Sends a Bark Out to His Mom
Hi Mom! Happy Mothers Day! I know you were sad when I left, but I live with a loving family now, so you don’t have to worry about me. Say hi to Dad. Love, Lightning P.S. Here is a picture of me with my owner. — Lightning Read more →
My Son Points Out Something . . .
. . . that I’d already noticed: You know, nobody really cares what you have to say about anything. Read more →
Sports Parents Are Ruining the World
To parents who wish to lead a quiet life I would say: Tell your children that they are very naughty — much naughtier than most children. Point to the young people of some acquaintances as models of perfection and impress your own children with a deep sense of their own inferiority . . . This is called moral influence . . . — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh One of the moms from my son’s hockey team tells me that there’s too much “silliness” on the team, that the kids need to prepare for games with a little more seriousness. Read more →
Women Leaving IT Considered Discouraging?
Women represent nearly half the workers in the U.S. — 46.6 percent. However, they always have been underrepresented in I.T. Even more discouraging is the fact that the percentage of women working in I.T. jobs is not growing but dropping. — Why Women Leave I.T. Why is that discouraging? Who exactly is discouraged by it? Here’s a simple explanation: Maybe women don’t want to work in IT. Is there nothing more rewarding that a woman can do with her life than work in IT? IT in the post-dot-com era is a stagnant industry. A lot of people in it would like to get out of it, but they need the money. I don’t encourage my son to get into it, nor would I encourage my daughter to get into it, if I had one . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →
Dropoffs Through the Years
When I used to drop my son off for a half day of pre-school, he’d try every trick in the book — Dad, I need someone to push me on the swings! — to get me to stay just a few more minutes . . . Read more →
Homework Follies
“How did you multiply this times 2.5 and get this?” I ask. He looks at the problem for a while. “I multiplied it a different way,” he says. ME: Shouldn’t this answer be 41 instead of 71? HIM: No, Alex. ME: Why are you calling me Alex? HIM: What is “no”? He’s reading a word problem aloud: “Maggie was traveling with her family on the Oregon Trail. The first day, they traveled 11 miles, the second day they traveled 9 miles, and the third day they traveled 14 miles.” Pause. “Now that was a good story!” Read more →
Another Cultural Phenomenon That Gives Me an Assache
Children at Play signs My neighbors just put one of those Children at Play signs in the street in front of their house. These are for parents who don’t want to be bothered with actually watching their kids to make sure that they’re not playing in the roadway. I’d like to take the damn sign and beat them over the head with it . . . Read more →
Ontological Tangents
I can’t figure out why it’s so hard to get my kid to take a shower every night. We ask him to take a shower, he leaves the room like he’s going to do it, but he doesn’t do it. Read more →
Dark, Ironic Frost
My son was asked to memorize “The Road Not Taken” by Robert Frost for a 6th grade assignment: Read more →