EppsNet Archive: Magic Johnson

Even Stephen A. Smith is Right Occasionally

From the Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut files: Stephen A. Smith calls Kevin Durant’s decision to join the Warriors “the weakest move I’ve ever seen from a superstar.” Stephen A. Smith is never right about anything. In case you missed it, Stephen A. Smith has picked the last six NBA Finals winners incorrectly. It’s hard to be that wrong. How hard? The odds are 63-1 against. That means if you chose 64 random drunks at a sports bar, 64 dart-throwing monkeys, whatever — 63 of them would do a better job picking NBA Finals winners than Stephen A. Smith. (FYI, the “dart-throwing monkey” is a go-to metric in assessing investment portfolios. Follow the above link if you don’t know what I mean. It’s not a racial reference.) But Stephen A. Smith is exactly right about Kevin Durant. The Thunder blew a 3-1 lead to the Warriors and lost a series that… Read more →

See You in Hell, Carl Douglas

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] “It put a smile on my face that finally [Donald Sterling] would be unable to deny the racist allegations against him,” said Carl Douglas, a lawyer who represented former Clippers general manager Elgin Baylor in a lawsuit against Sterling. — FOX Sports Carl Douglas is best known as a member of the O.J. Simpson defense team. O.J. Simpson has done some regrettable things, like murdering a couple of white people, but at least he’s never made negative remarks about Magic Johnson photos on Instagram. See you in Hell . . . P.S. Carl Douglas the lawyer should not be confused with Carl Douglas the “Kung Fu Fighting” singer. Him, I like. Read more →

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of

I had a friendship with [Donald Sterling], so for him to then make these alleged comments about myself … there’s no place in our society for it. — Magic Johnson There’s no place in our society for what? For people who say, “Don’t post pictures of Magic Johnson on Instagram”? I say there’s no place in our society for affected morons who use intensive pronouns (“myself”) in place of personal pronouns (“me”). Someone made a cutting remark about a friend behind their back? Absolutely shocking! If everyone knew what their friends say about them behind their back, civilized society would collapse. Grow up, you simpleton . . . Read more →

See You in Hell

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Congratulations, Americans! Your lives have become so trivialized that you think the most important issue facing your country is how many Magic Johnson photos get posted to Instagram. See you in Hell . . . Read more →

No Photos, Please, of Obama’s L.A. Fundraisers

The White House wants you to see President Obama bash the rich, and everyone in the press corps is invited to cover the various rallies and speeches where he claims average people can’t get a break and the wealthy aren’t paying their fair share of taxes. What the White House doesn’t want you to see is Obama schmoozing the rich so that he can pocket some of their money for his campaign. So not surprisingly, news photographers were barred from both of Obama’s L.A. fundraisers Monday. . . . Tickets cost $35,800 per person. Actor Will Smith, looking dapper in a three piece suit . . . Magic Johnson sat at a table to the president’s right . . . imposing Spanish-style mansion of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith . . . POTUS entered with Eva Longoria. Meanwhile, news photographers were welcomed earlier in the day when Obama made an… Read more →

Magic Johnson at USC Scrimmage

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