Writing Microcopy http://bit.ly/pYMPz # Hof's Hut closes. Went there on my first date, then to a movie at the Cinedome, which was demolished 10 years ago. http://tinyurl.com/nkc2s8 # Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Movies
John Hughes, 1950-2009
Very sad news. Love him or hate him, you had to admire his originality as a filmmaker. An openly gay man known for his pencil-thin mustache . . . wait, what?! John Hughes died? Oh, he was TERR-ible! Ferris Bueller’s Day Off — worst movie I ever saw! For a moment there I thought you said John Waters had died . . . Read more →
A Lesson in Mystique
Before I go, lemme give you a lesson in mystique. (Holds out a cigarette lighter in one hand and closes his other fist.) You can only have one. Which one do you want? As long as you can’t see what’s in this hand (shows closed fist), you’ll always want it more. — Almost Famous Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-18
RT @Lileks: If Hitchcock and Roger Corman ended up in Hell, I'll bet they're both forced to spend eternity watching each other's movies. # Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-15
Flamboyantly gay flight attendant on our Buffalo-to-Newark flight. In-flight entertainment: Bruno. No they didn't show a movie. # Read more →
Why I Don’t Go to Sandra Bullock Movies
Some of the hockey moms here at the tournament went to see The Proposal and are giving it rave reviews — “Classic Sandra Bullock!” Blah blah blah . . . “Sandra Bullock used to be pretty cute,” I say, “but now she looks like a guy, don’t you think?” “Are you kidding?! For 45, she looks amazing!” When I unscrunch my hard-earned dollar bills to see a movie, I want more than “looks good for 45.” I can get “looks good for 45” at home . . . Read more →
Team Bonding and an Amazing Coincidence
Yesterday’s team bonding activities included miniature golf, pizza and a midnight screening of Brüno, all within walking distance of the hotel. After the movie, the kids walked to McDonalds. It was closed. The drive-thru was still open, but they didn’t have a car. Just then — in an amazing cross-continental coincidence — Eddie, the manager of our local rink in Irvine, pulled into the drive-thru, and the kids got him to buy them all ice cream cones . . . Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-09
Niagara Falls is INSANE! # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "Listen to them. Children of the night. Christ, what a racket." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "First rule of Fight Club is — dues must be paid by the first of every month." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "I'm mad as hell, and I'm telling you, that's pretty damn mad. Mad, mad, mad! Hoo-boy, am I mad!" #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "He's Spartacus!" #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: "I'm sorry; did you say 'badgers' or 'badges?' Actually, we don't have either, so the point is moot." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @ChipChantry: "Guys, guys, time out… this boat is WAY TOO SMALL." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @ChipChantry: "If you build it, your wife will get angry with you." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @diablocody: "Make sure I get paid adequately." #1stdraftmovielines # Why isn't there a law against guys with sleep apnea taking redeye flights? # Just… Read more →
Cat People
My wife and I saw Up yesterday at the Irvine Spectrum. The movie features a “talking” dog — a whole pack of talking dogs actually. When the main dog character meets the main human character, the dog jumps up, licks his face and says, “I have just met you and I love you.” If dogs could talk, that’s exactly what they’d say. After the movie, we walked over to Spectrum Pets and looked at a puggle puppy. Same reaction — jumping, face licking. I have just met you and I love you. Of course, there are some people who feel that they don’t deserve this kind of unconditional love. We call them “cat people.” Read more →
The Da Vinci Code
My wife brings home a Da Vinci Code DVD from Blockbuster . . . “You want to see Da Vinci Code?” I ask. She says, “That’s what you asked me to get, right?” “Mmmmm, no. Why would I do that?” “Dad hates The Da Vinci Code,” the boy chimes in. “He hates everything about it. He hates the book, he hates the movie, he hates Da Vinci . . .” “No, Da Vinci is the one bright spot in the whole sorry situation. Da Vinci himself was a great man. Everyone else involved in these projects is a shameless hack.” Read more →
ABCs of Me
This has been making the rounds of my Facebook friends so I thought I’d repost my answers here: A – Age: Extremely late 30s B – Bed Size: Procrustean C – Chore You Hate? If it’s a chore, I hate it D – Dogs Name? Lightning E – Essential Daily Items? Nothing is essential F – Favorite Color? Blue. No, yell– AUUUUUUUUGH! G – Gold Or Silver? Whatever H – Height? 6-0, give or take I – Instruments You Play? Drums and piano, both poorly J – Job Title? Lord of Logic K – Kids? Son, age 15 L – Living Arrangements? Wife, kid and dog, in a rapidly depreciating house M – Mom’s Name? Good question…I only knew her as “Mom” N – Nicknames? Like Charlie Brown, I always wanted to be called “Flash” O – Overnight hospital stay other than birth? Burst fracture, L1 (i.e. broken back); laparascopic… Read more →
Microblog: 2009-04-30
Don’t talk about improving efficiency or productivity without defining your unit of measure. # Kelly McGillis is GAY?! http://is.gd/vHmp When she was naked in Witness I had an erection lasting more than 4 hrs and had to call my doctor # Read more →
Kelly McGillis is GAY?!
‘Top Gun’s’ McGillis ‘done with the man thing’ — msnbc.com Wow . . . she’ll make a nice tuna sandwich for some lucky lesbo. I remember when I saw her naked in Witness. I had an erection lasting more than four hours and had to call my doctor. He said don’t worry about it, he had the same thing . . . Read more →
A Father-Son Day
Everyone’s got armbands and 3-D glasses . . . — Elvis Costello Irvine schools are on spring break this week. I took a day off for father-son activities with my boy, age 15. As we were driving back from lunch at Wingstop, I said, “You want to see Monsters vs. Aliens in 3-D IMAX?” “Not particularly,” he said. I’d already decided that I did want to see it so I got off at the Irvine Spectrum exit. “I guess this means we’re going to see it,” he said. “You know what they say: Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time, but regret for the things we didn’t do is inconsolable.” “Oh shut up, Sophocles. It’s a movie for two-year-olds.” “No it isn’t. There’s a giant girl in it. It looks cool.” “I’ll be the combined age of everyone else in the theater.” We got there a… Read more →
It’s Oscar Night!
What’s with all these awards? They’re always giving out awards. Best Fascist Dictator: Adolf Hitler. — Woody Allen, Annie Hall LOL! Woody Allen cracks me up! I’m not going to watch the Oscars but I hope Slumdog Millionaire wins a lot of awards because my owner says it’s good and because I love movies about dogs. Unless Owen Wilson is in it. — Lightning Read more →
40 Inspirational Speeches in 2 Minutes
EppsNet Movie Reviews: Slumdog Millionaire
Good story, good music, brilliant editing and cinematography. One of the things I don’t like about movies is that conflict, even in feel-good movies about love and destiny, is too often resolved with violence, whereas much of the dramatic tension in real life stems from the number of people you’d like to physically assault but can’t. Rating: Four stars (out of five). Read more →
EppsNet Movie Reviews: Gran Torino
It’s sad to see Clint Eastwood get old but somebody’s got to do it. It seemed to me as far back as Unforgiven and In the Line of Fire that while other actors were trying to stay artificially young forever, no one else was putting on screen an honest portrayal of what it’s like to be an old man, what it’s like to feel yourself diminished. And that was 15 years ago, when Eastwood was in his early 60s. He’s now 78 and looks it. I was trying to think of another leading actor who’s doing roles where the central fact about the character is that he’s gotten old and tired and scared . . . Robert De Niro? No, he’s still doing the same cops and mobsters roles he’s been doing for decades. Al Pacino? Dustin Hoffman? No. Same roles, plus they’re both around 70 years old with absurd… Read more →
My Dog Reviews Marley and Me
I love movies about dogs! Wait — is Owen Wilson in that? I HATE Owen Wilson! Whenever I meet a new bitch at the dog park, the first thing I ask her is “Do you think Owen Wilson is funny?” And if she says yes, I am OUTTA there. Rating: Two paws down. — Lightning Read more →
Pond Hockey
“I wish I could go back and be eight years old again for a couple days . . .” Read more →