EppsNet

You need a whole new set of skill sets.

[HT: Esquire]

HER: You don’t sleep enough. You need to go to bed earlier. You know what’s the secret to my youthful appearance?

HIM: Telling people what to do every minute?

“Tomorrow is Good Friday, right? Isn’t today something too?”

“I have no idea, Mom.”

“I’m gonna call the church.”

— ChinaVagina

. . . at the bagel shop:

What’s on the “everything” bagel?

Related Links

• Whistle disparity in Game 2 leaves Lakers feeling foul — ESPN.com

Be careful what you wish for . . .

A male and female co-worker are bickering, as they often do.

An onlooker says, “You two are like a married couple . . . but without the sex and everything.”

One cow to another:

They’re not booing. They’re saying ‘Moooo!’

“I beat the traffic this morning. I got here an hour and a half early, but I only had to get up 45 minutes earlier.”

“So you saved 45 minutes.”

“I saved . . . let’s see . . . (looking thoughtfully skyward) . . . 45 minutes!

A project manager talking to a business analyst:

PM: Can you have that done by today?

BA: No I can’t, and here’s why. [Lengthy explanation deleted.] I can have it done by next week.

PM: Can you have it done by tomorrow?