EppsNet Archive: Sleep

Soda Sticker Shock in Seattle


Seattle is trying to discourage its citizens from drinking sugary beverages by imposing a 1.75-cent per ounce tax on all sugary drinks sold in the Emerald City. A $15.99 case of Gatorade at the Seattle Costco now has an added tax of more than $10. A case of Coke is now $7.35 more expensive than the Diet Coke or Coke Zero. Sticker shock! What will people drink instead of sugary beverages? Coffee. Seattle drinks a lot of coffee. Is coffee good for you? What if you put sugar in it? Beer. At these prices, it’s cheaper than soda. Diet soda. Are artificial sweeteners better for you than sugar? Fruit juice. Not taxed but contains a lot of sugar. Should there be a tax on all-you-can-eat buffets? How about a tax credit for eating a vegetable? Or maybe — just maybe — the tax code was not designed for and shouldn’t… Read more →

Teaching Computer Science: Today Was Not the Best Day to Say What You Just Said


I asked the class to pass in today’s homework and a student said, “I couldn’t figure out what homework was due today.” I wasn’t feeling at my best to begin with. I was tired because I was up late making sure the class website was updated with all relevant materials, homework assignments were listed at the top of the page under the Homework header with due dates listed in bold font next to each assignment so that there’s no way anyone looking at the website, assuming they’re old enough to read, could fail to understand what is the homework and when is it due. So when that kid said that he couldn’t figure out what the homework was, I felt the futility of life grabbing me by the throat and I was mad . . . Read more →

Can You See the Real Me, Doctor?


I decided to get off meds for a while . . . Things That Are the Same I start every morning thinking about how great it would be to just stay in bed the rest of the day. Repeatedly hitting the snooze alarm — does life get any better than that? I live in fear of negative judgment. I dread being around other people. (May be just a restatement of #2). Things That Are Different I don’t feel like I’m in as much of a fog all the time. I feel sadder, angrier, happier, more scared, more alive for better or worse. Read more →

I Slept Late But There’s a Reason for It


Think about our distant ancestors . . . energy in the form of food was scarce and hard to obtain. Those who survived had a genetic predisposition to not use energy wastefully but rather to store it up for times when it was really needed. This gave them an evolutionary advantage. And that’s why I slept in and didn’t go to the gym this morning . . . Read more →

Thoughts on a Turbulent Flight


I can’t sleep on planes. I’m afraid the damn thing will crash and I’ll miss it.   I don’t believe in anything. I wish I did. It seems comforting to imagine holding the plane aloft with prayer.   I’m not a good person. Why shouldn’t something terrible happen to me? Read more →

Sick Day


A full day of sleep, systematic overdose of cold medicines, and phlegm reduction techniques (like hocking and nose blowing) that tend to be disruptive to people when practiced non-stop in the workplace can really help in battling a tough cold. It’s also a perfect excuse to close your eyes, curl up in a ball and hide from the world, which is my preferred leisure-time activity anyway . . . Read more →

A Sound Sleeper


A girl who’s going to be a senior at Northwood came over to the house this morning to borrow my son’s AP U.S. History study guide. He took the class last year. Last night, he told his mom to wake him up at 8:30. At 9 this morning, there was a knock on the front door. The boy pulled on a baseball cap, took out his retainer, pasted a big smile on his face and answered it. He gave the book to the girl and she gave him a doughnut. When she left, he went back to bed. “Wake me up at 11:30,” he said to his mom. “What are you going to do in college when I’m not there to wake you up?” she asked. “I’ll be fine.” His mom and I have been waking him up for 18 years. The past few days, he’s started setting an alarm… Read more →

This Goes to Show You the Importance of a Good Night’s Sleep


“MMMMFFF! AAUUGGHHHH!” “What’s the matter?” “I’m so sleepy, I put face cream on my toothbrush!” “Did you also rub toothpaste on your face?” “Not yet.” Read more →

HW’s Book Reviews: Go the Fuck to Sleep


If you think saying “fuck” to a toddler is the funniest thing ever, and evidently a lot of people do judging from the rave reviews on Facebook, then you’ll love this book. SPOILER ALERT: The joke is that infants don’t have the same sleep patterns as grownups — ha ha — which is breaking news to this hapless unfit shithead of a parent, who spews page after page of rhymed obscenities at his child. I didn’t say “fuck” to my kid until he was a teenager, and even then it wasn’t to be funny. Seriously: Children are a gift from God and I don’t even believe in God. I love the time that my son and I were boys together more than I love anything. If you think there’s anything clever or funny about this book, please stay away from me . . . Read more →

My Kid Needs to Learn to Set an Alarm Clock


“I’m taking a nap,” the boy says. “I need to wake up at five.” “Okay,” I reply. “Five o’clock,” he says. “Okay.” “What time do I need to wake up?” “Five.” “That’s right.” Read more →

Twitter: 2010-10-04


I hear my kid downstairs yelling about Kunta Kinte & the 13th Amendment. His mom must have asked him to bring the groceries in from the car. # RT @eddiepepitone: Does it make me a bad person if to get to sleep I visualize boating accidents? # Read more →

I’m Worried About My Boy


He’s killing himself with schoolwork and college applications. He doesn’t sleep anymore, just keeps himself going with 5-hour energy drinks. All of the college apps are due by Nov. 1 so if he makes it that far maybe he’ll be okay . . . Read more →

Twitter: 2010-07-14


RT @eddiepepitone: Last night I dreamt about clown shoes, public nudity, tunnels, mommy, scissors and death- sleepy time tea isn't working! # Read more →

A Question


Hitting the snooze button, hugging the pillow and fantasizing about staying in bed all day — better than s-e-x? Read more →



HER: You don’t sleep enough. You need to go to bed earlier. You know what’s the secret to my youthful appearance? HIM: Telling people what to do every minute? Read more →



I’ve been having nightmares the last week or so. Last night I was stabbed to death by a maniac on a motorcycle. The night before I was a zombie terrorizing an Old West elementary school . . . Read more →

Life’s Simple Pleasures


Up late last night, up early this morning . . . my wife and I take Lightning to the dog beach. We get home a little after 10 . . . Nap time! When I wake up and look at the (analog) clock over the fireplace, it’s already 3 p.m. My god, I’ve slept the whole day away! No, wait . . . the big hand is on the 3 and the little hand is on the 12. It’s only 12:15! Back to sleep . . . Read more →

The Bumstead Maneuver


On weekends, I’m the king of the sofa at my house. Let me tell you, there’s lazy, and then there’s Sofa King lazy, and I’m the latter. I nap in one of two positions: facing the front of the sofa or on my back. Lately I’ve been thinking about adding a new weapon to my arsenal — the Bumstead Maneuver, as popularized by Dagwood Bumstead. You can see from the illustration that Bumstead is actually taking a nap facing the back of the sofa! Blogging experts recommend posing a question in your posts, in order to artificially engage the readership, so here goes . . . Does anyone have any thoughts, pro or con, on adding the Bumstead Maneuver to my repertoire? Read more →

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