EppsNet Archive: Sports Parents

Hockey Parents I Have Known


My kid has played hockey most of his life. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last 12 or so years at practices, games and tournaments with other hockey parents. I’ll miss the parents who watch and wait without calling attention to themselves, don’t over-celebrate, and encourage their kids while pretending not to be nervous or sad. I won’t miss the obsessive, out-of-control loudmouths, or the parents who were too drunk to be nervous or sad. Read more →

Hockey Parents


Originally uploaded by lippo At hockey tournaments, especially travel tournaments, there’s a lot of down time between games. I usually bring a book to the rink so I have something to do. Nobody else does this. Nobody. In hockey circles, I’m known as the guy who brings books to the rink. This weekend, we’re at a tournament in San Jose. One of the dads from our team — I think he’s a copier salesman — says to me, “I can’t understand why anyone reads fiction.” He says it, not in a rude way, but not in a complimentary way either. I say, “Oh. Well, I can’t understand why anyone lives his whole life inside his own head and never gets curious about what life looks like to other people.” So I probably won’t have to talk to him the rest of the season. Later the same day, this guy knocks… Read more →

The Sad Life of the Goalie Parent


Spring season just started for high school roller hockey. My son’s team has two goalies, one who’s really good and a backup who’s not ready yet to play at this level. The coach started the backup goalie at this week’s game. He gave up eight goals and the team lost. His mom was sitting next to my wife during the game. “I wish they’d take him out,” she said. She was almost crying. I am so glad my son doesn’t play goalie. Every kid makes mistakes and every kid has bad games but the highs and lows for goalies are too extreme. Read more →

The Facebook Comment I Didn’t Write


Here’s the status update I did post: Paul is shoehorning the limitlessness of life through the limitations of the present… A woman whose son plays on a roller hockey team with my son posted the following comment: Wow. That’s actually pretty profound & it took me a few seconds to process that! 🙂 And here’s the comment I didn’t write in response: That’s why I bring a book to hockey tournaments, so I don’t have to spend the time between games trying to talk to people who’d always be 5 seconds behind me. Read more →

School Choice


Another gem from the freshman football mailing list . . . Of the four high schools here in Irvine, only one — Irvine High — has a stadium on campus. There’s a movement afoot, led by local attorney and parent Emmett Raitt, to build a second stadium. Here’s an excerpt from Emmett’s email suggesting that parents write to the school board about this matter: The reasons a second stadium are needed include the elimination of Thursday night games, which lowers student attendance at games; it will ease the overcrowding of the Irvine Stadium facility (and particularly the snack bar, a personal favorite of mine); and it will allow all schools to use District facilities for their graduations, which they do not now do. Hmmm . . . I can’t see how increasing student attendance is going to ease overcrowding, nor do I think the fact that some local fatso thinks… Read more →

This Week in Sports Parents Must Die


My son’s playing freshman football, pursuant to which I received the following email (names changed): Fellow Freshman parents, Zelda and I are disappointed with the poor quality of the duffle bags the boys purchased at the start of the season. Rocko’s bag is already ripping and the zippers are becoming non-functional. As a result, we intend to buy him a much higher quality, replacement bag made out of extra heavy duty material from a Montana vendor. My firm has purchased customized travel bags from this vendor before, and our clients/employees love them. We also intend to have the bag (which will be slightly larger to accommodate a football helmet) embroidered with the T-Wolf logo and his name. This is what the bag looks like, sans logo: If ten or more families decide to buy such replacement bags, the cost will be $285 each plus tax and the cost of name… Read more →

Hockey Families I Have Known


I know some “hockey families” where the kids — boys or girls — can play any sport they want . . . as long as it’s hockey. They have email addresses like smiths4hockey@hotmail.com (assuming their name is Smith), and from the parents’ point of view, it simplifies things a lot. You don’t have kids getting into one sport, losing interest, moving on to something else. From the kids’ point of view? Maybe not so good. And I actually think it helps kids athletically to do more than one sport . . . Read more →

Tennis Parents Can Blow Me


My kid plays Team Tennis here in Irvine . . . on Saturdays, they play other teams from around Orange County. Tennis parents are obsessive, just like hockey parents. The difference is that hockey parents can scream at the kids, refs, coaches, other parents, passers-by, etc., during the games, whereas tennis etiquette requires parents to stay quiet during the matches and berate the kids afterwards. My son’s team played the Balboa Bay Racquet Club team this past weekend. One of the smug tennis dads on our team showed up wearing a backpack with his own racket in it. Now why would he do that? He’s obviously not going to play tennis with it because it’s a kids’ event, so he just wanted everyone to know yeah, I’m a tennis player myself, my son is a tennis player because I’m a tennis player, blah blah blah . . . My lifetime… Read more →

Sports Parents Are Ruining the World


To parents who wish to lead a quiet life I would say: Tell your children that they are very naughty — much naughtier than most children. Point to the young people of some acquaintances as models of perfection and impress your own children with a deep sense of their own inferiority . . . This is called moral influence . . . — Samuel Butler, The Way of All Flesh One of the moms from my son’s hockey team tells me that there’s too much “silliness” on the team, that the kids need to prepare for games with a little more seriousness. Read more →