[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] I hate to say I told you so. See you in Hell . . . Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Stupidity
See You in Hell: Robert E. Lee Edition
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings from the underworld! I saw this on Facebook today: First of all, the temperature on that screencap — 81 degrees? That’s the temperature in Los Angeles. The temperature here in Hell is much hotter. Secondly, Americans are the fattest, dumbest people on the planet. Did you know that 25 percent of them think that the sun goes around the earth? So most Americans don’t even know who Robert E. Lee was, let alone the name of his horse (it was Traveller, with two l’s). Once it’s explained to them — who Robert E. Lee was, his horse’s name, what the Civil War was all about — they put it all together: the USC mascot is a racist horse! Also coming under scrutiny: everyone named Robert or Lee or having the middle initial E. See you… Read more →
10 Reasons That NY Times Chart Might Not Mean What You Think It Means
From the New York Times: Money is not the only metric for measuring life outcomes. Charts and articles like this seem to reflect an inappropriate obsession with narrowly materialist values. If you do want to measure your life with money, it looks like the 99th percentile is where you want to be. Why aren’t you there? Why aren’t you a CEO? Why aren’t you making a million a year? If you can’t figure out how to get there, don’t begrudge the people who did figure it out. If you don’t have the education, motivation, intelligence or skills to get there, don’t begrudge those who do. The amount of wealth is not a fixed amount. It’s not a zero-sum game. If it were, it would be concerning that a few people are very wealthy. But it isn’t. The distribution of income has to be skewed to the right because income is… Read more →
I Paid My Debt to Society
I paid my debt to society by reporting in for jury duty today. Jury duty is worse than losing a limb. In my experience, if you pick 12 Americans at random, you get nine good, clear-thinking citizens and three people who are like, “Well, anything’s possible.” For example, the last time I served on a jury, the case involved a defendant who was driving drunk and crashed a car with passengers into a tree. There were photos taken after the crash showing the defendant pinned behind the steering wheel of the car. His defense? He wasn’t the person driving the car. He didn’t testify himself but that was the defense presented by his attorney. And three of the jurors were like, “Yeah, that’s possible.” Hung jury. Today I survived three rounds of random juror calls in the morning and by lunchtime they started calling names of people to go… Read more →
Signs of Trouble
When a headline starts with one of the following, rest assured there’s going to be trouble: “Bungee jumper . . .” “Florida woman . . .” “YouTube gun stunt . . .” Related link: How Much Paper Does It Take to Stop a .50-Cal Bullet? Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who ask for sample cups at the yogurt shop. A couple of possible explanations: You’re trying to eat a bunch of yogurt without paying for it. You’re an idiot and you’re genuinely puzzled by the mysterious flavor names like “Strawberry.” You need a sample cup to figure out what the Strawberry yogurt tastes like? It tastes like strawberry. You want to know what the Coconut flavor tastes like? Coconut. How about the Mango? Either way, you’ve got to pull yourself together . . . Read more →
Don’t Put a Sweater on a Pit Bull
Police in Florida say a dog named Scarface attacked a family who tried to put a sweater on it. Tampa police say the pit bull mix bit a 52-year-old woman who was trying to dress it Friday and her husband was attacked while trying to pull the dog off her. Police say the couple’s 22-year-old son was attacked while trying to stop the dog by stabbing it in the neck and head. The three people escaped the house and left the dog in the backyard. They ended up in the hospital. — Miami Herald Woman attacked when she tries to put a sweater on the dog, husband attacked when he tries to pull the dog off his wife, son attacked while trying to stab the dog in the neck and head . . . meet your average, run-of-the-mill pit bull owners. Folks, if you feel like you really must put… Read more →
Why Do We Need the Sign?
I saw this in the men’s room of Bright Angel Lodge at the Grand Canyon . . . Why is that sign necessary? Were people complaining, “The toilet water in the men’s room tastes a little off“? “Yes, that’s because it’s sewage. Man, we gotta put up a sign.” Granted, there’s no bottled water sold in the national park (because of the plastic) but there are other options available before you resort to drinking toilet water. Read more →
Give Me a Flaming Russian
If you listen closely, you can hear “Great Balls of Fire” playing on the jukebox. (Kidding, there’s no sound.) Read more →
Income Inequality Explained
I saw this sign at a gas station soda fountain . . . Read more →
Income Inequality Explained
Salesmanship
“How many pieces are you playing at the piano recital?” “Two,” I reply, “but one is very short.” “Who are the composers?” “Bach and Liszt.” “What is that? ‘Box’?” “Why do you ask me who the composers are if you’ve never heard of Bach?” “That’s salesmanship.” Did I mention he’s a salesman? “You’ve gotta push it.” Read more →
Dad vs. Stupidity
I overheard one of my colleagues saying to another, “My dad is really opposed to any kind of stupidity.” I passed that along to my own son: “If you want to describe me in that way — ‘My dad is opposed to stupidity in all forms’ — it’s okay with me. I mean, you don’t have to if you’re not feeling it but I can think of worse ways to be remembered.” Read more →
A Lesson in Free Markets
You Already Know Who I Am
I clicked an Unsubscribe link from an email and got a web page with this form: YOU ALREADY HAVE MY EMAIL ADDRESS! YOU SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THIS LINK IN IT! Read more →
Yale Students Sign Petition to Repeal the First Amendment
The video below shows documentary filmmaker Ami Horowitz asking Yale students to sign a petition aimed at repealing the First Amendment. Horowitz was able to collect more than 50 signatures in less than an hour in what he called an “unbelievable display of total stupidity.” Read more →
More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of
Americans are the fattest, dumbest people on earth . . . and because being fat and dumb are remediable given the proper motivation, it’s fair to say that Americans are also the most unmotivated people on earth. This is not to say that all Americans are fat, dumb and unmotivated. There’s a subset of Americans who get up every morning, brush their teeth, go to work, excel at what they do, come home, set the alarm and get up and do it again tomorrow. And take care of their families. These people are carrying the rest of the country on their backs. But for the average American, the best explanation for his or her life being the way it is is likely to be “I’m fat, dumb and unmotivated.” That’s a pretty tough admission to spit out though so most of us look around for something more palatable to sell… Read more →
Bonified?
From LinkedIn: Read more →
Act Now to Take Advantage of the New Low Price
Teaching Computer Science: Collected Thoughts
If you recognize the person on this next slide, please raise your hand. Don’t yell out the name, just raise your hand. About two-thirds of you recognize Derek Jeter. I thought everyone would recognize him, but still a clear majority. I’m not a Yankees fan or a Derek Jeter fan particularly but the Captain and I are on the same page on this topic. I have to admit I was pretty competitive as a student. I didn’t want anyone to do better than me and I especially didn’t want anyone to do better than me because they worked harder than me. This Jeter quote reminded me of a quote from another notable sports figure . . . This is Bob Knight, college basketball coach, most notably at the University of Indiana. He won 902 games, three NCAA championships, and he coached the 1984 Olympic basketball team to a gold medal.… Read more →