EppsNet Archive: Thanksgiving

See You in Hell

23 Nov 2017 /

Satan

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Charlie Manson says hi.

See you in Hell . . .


Thanksgiving Day

28 Nov 2014 /

Mark Twain

Thanksgiving Day, a function which originated in New England two or three centuries ago when those people recognized that they really had something to be thankful for — annually, not oftener — if they had succeeded in exterminating their neighbors, the Indians, during the previous twelve months instead of getting exterminated by their neighbors, the Indians. Thanksgiving Day became a habit, for the reason that in the course of time, as the years drifted on, it was perceived that the exterminating had ceased to be mutual and was all on the white man’s side, consequently on the Lord’s side; hence it was proper to thank the Lord for it and extend the usual annual compliments.

Autobiography of Mark Twain, Volume 1

Teaching Computer Science: No School Before Thanksgiving

26 Nov 2014 /

There was no school today because a lot of kids don’t like to show up the day before Thanksgiving, so the district decided not to have classes on the day before Thanksgiving. Once they get used to having Wednesday off, they won’t show up on Tuesday and we’ll have to give them Tuesday off. Then of course there’s no sense in having a one-day school week so we’ll give them the whole week off.

And since they’re already off on Veterans Day and the day after Halloween, let’s just give them the whole month of November off.

I’m concerned that American education is getting worse faster than we can lower our standards.


Thanksgiving Ingredient Network Leftovers

21 Nov 2012 /

Via Lada Adamic, whose Coursera class on Social Network Analysis I just completed and enjoyed:

If you don’t have quite the right ingredients handy while cooking Thanksgiving dinner, here is a network of common substitutions as found in reviewers’ comments on a large recipe site (click to see a larger view):

Thanksgiving ingredients network


Tiny Buddha: 50 Ways to Show Gratitude for the People in Your Life

Posted by on 25 Nov 2011

EppsNet at the Movies: Arthur Christmas

25 Nov 2011 /
Arthur Christmas

Now I know how Santa delivers all the presents in one night!

By the way, if you like to avoid the crowds, Thanksgiving night is a great time to go to the movies! Everyone’s either in a food coma or resting up for Black Friday shopping.

We went to the 9:30 show at the Irvine Marketplace. There was no ticket line, no one in the lobby, one girl working the box office and one at the snack bar.

The box office girl had to work double because there was no ticket taker on duty. Instead of just selling the tickets and handing them to us, she also tore them in half and said, “You’re in Theater 2.”

“We’re in Theater 2,” I repeated for the boy’s benefit.

“Are you sure she didn’t say we’re the only two people in the theater?” he asked.

Recommended!


Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats

27 Nov 2009 /

My dad is of the opinion that cats are “smarter” than dogs. Not coincidentally, he and my mom own a couple of cats, one of which was sitting next to his chair at Thanksgiving dinner.

Dad decided to share some turkey with the cat. He stood up with a piece of turkey, showed it to the cat, than walked out to the kitchen and dropped it in the cat’s food dish. When he returned to his chair, the cat was still sitting there. Never moved.

“That is one stupid cat,” I said.

“Well, he’s three-quarters blind,” my dad said, although he didn’t say how he could possibly know that.

“If my dog was here, he would have jumped up and eaten your whole dinner the second you left the room.”


Thanksgiving Memories

27 Nov 2009 /

My dad’s holding a bottle of wine as he says, “Who wants straws?”

“Are you asking me,” I say, “if I want to drink wine through a straw?

As it turns out, what he actually said was “Who wants Shiraz?”


Stacking Plates is Woman’s Work

30 Nov 2008 /

After Thanksgiving dinner, the hostess asked everyone to please stack their dishes and bring them into the kitchen.

Stacking plates

I started to stand up — not to stack dishes because my wife had already picked up my dishes — but just to stretch my legs, when my dad, who was sitting next to me, put his hand on my arm and whispered, “Don’t get up. That’s woman’s work.”

I said, “I’m just getting up to stretch.”

“Don’t move,” he said.

My dad, like a lot of men his age, has old school views on gender roles.

Earlier in the evening, my mom was saying she’d read that women control 60 percent of the wealth in America.

“That’s all right,” my dad said, “because we control the women.”

Compare that to one of my nephews, who says things like “I’m nobody’s patsy,” then turns to his wife and says, “Isn’t that right, honey?”


I’ll Take a Pass on the ‘Master’ Chorale

28 Nov 2008 /

My dad asked me at Thanksgiving dinner if I wanted to bring my family along to an L.A. Master Chorale concert that he and my mom and my sister are going to next month. Tickets range from $24 to $68.

Choir

I said, “There isn’t really anyone at my house who’d enjoy that. We’re philistines. In fact, to be honest with you, I’d be more interested in watching American Idol. Now, I’ve never seen American Idol, but at least it’s free and I wouldn’t have to leave my house.

“And what’s with calling yourself the ‘Master’ Chorale anyway? What hubris! Who gives themselves a title like that? ‘Listen to us! We’re the masters of choral music!’ Oh yeah? Why don’t you just sing something and let people decide for themselves what masters you are.

“I mean, if you play third base, you don’t tell everyone what a great third baseman you are. You just play third base and let people see for themselves if you’re great or not. Right?”

Now, I stand by every word of that . . . I just wish someone had told me ahead of time that my brother-in-law, who was in attendance at the dinner, is in the Master Chorale . . .


Thanksgiving Pies

28 Nov 2008 /
Pretty girl takes a pie

Pumpkin pie is my favorite Thanksgiving food, but for throwing in someone’s face, a cream pie becomes the preferred choice.

The reason I mention that is that at the Thanksgiving family get-together, one of my nieces, age 19 or 20, announced that she’s always wanted to take a pie in the face.

My ex-sister-in-law was more than happy to oblige and immediately started looking around to see what was available.

Now a pretty girl taking a pie in the face is not only hilarious, it’s also — dare I say it — kinda hot. Am I right?

So it was a real disappointment to find that the only pies available were mince, apple and pumpkin. No cream pies.

Well, maybe next year . . .


Happy Thanksgiving

23 Nov 2006 /

Things I’m thankful for this year:

  1. Nothing lasts forever.