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• REG-GIE! REG-GIE! REG-GIE! #
• RT @capricecrane: Remember: It's not over till the fat lady sings. Or until you tell her she's fat. Then it's over. Except for the running. #

Tiger Woods and Chris Henry are just the latest examples.

“Your role model,” I say to my son, “should be that guy in the Miller Lite commercial who saves his beer and lets his girlfriend drop off a cliff.”

Swedish group renames hymen ‘vaginal corona’

— The Local

I get home from the gym and say to my wife, “I’m in such great physical condition, it’s a shame I’m not having an affair with 10 women like Tiger Woods.”

“Women care about money,” she says. “You don’t have 10 billion dollars so forget it.”

“Oh. Okay.”

• Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkCupid http://okcupid.com/z/bf2 #
• RT @TelegraphNews Women 'should bare 40 per cent of their bodies to attract men' http://bit.ly/RGtkn #

So it turns out that the Canyon of Heroes is not what I thought it was, i.e., a name for lady parts . . .

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. And keep giving him fish until he’s used to the taste. Then he’ll have no excuse to not reciprocate.

— @Aimee_B_Loved

• RT @USCTrojans_com: W. Golf. USC, Song Take Mason Rudolph Titles http://bit.ly/110U6M #

My son and I are watching a TV commercial for Love Happens, which seems to be about a man forced to choose between financial gain and the love of a woman.

This is one of those “teachable moments,” because the boy, who’s 15 now, may someday find himself facing the same choice as the guy in the movie, so I look at him with love and hard-earned wisdom and with a voice of great sincerity, I say:

“Take the money.”

The men’s and women’s restrooms at our office face each other across a hallway. Neither one of them has a double-door entry for privacy. If you push open the door to the men’s room, you’re looking at a row of sinks, but if you’re coming out of the men’s room at the same time someone opens the door to the ladies’ room, you’re looking right at the stalls, including ankles and feet if anyone’s in them.

I’m all for collegiality in the workplace, but isn’t this overdoing it? Even at home, I don’t mind if people close the bathroom door . . .

This exchange — a post followed by a comment — showed up on my Facebook home page today. The poster and the commenter are both women, btw . . .

let’s play a game! Who am I?? I’m the first to talk shit behind peoples back, but when I’m talked about i’m the first to get all pissy! Who am I?

Every female known to man.

I spit cola all over my desk when I read that . . .

I’d just finished reading another tiresome “why oh why aren’t there more women in IT?” article when I found a former colleague on LinkedIn . . . he lists his job title as “Analyst, Software Quality Assurnace.”

Would you hire him as a QA guy? I wouldn’t, and that’s even before I saw how he misspelled “Assurance.”

The IT “profession” is chock full of idiots like this. Why anyone thinks women are missing out on something if they don’t work in IT is a total mystery.

If I had a daughter, I would tell her to be a meeting planner or a flight attendant . . .

Thus spoke The Programmer.

We’re driving home from the hockey rink in Corona . . . my son’s playing solitaire on his iPod. As we’re pulling off the freeway in Irvine, he says, “I just won my first game the entire trip.”

I say, “When I play it on the computer, I lose most of the time, but once in a while I’ll get like a three-game winning streak.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“It’s like women in that respect. The overall goal is to make you feel bad about yourself, but they throw in just enough positive reinforcement to keep you from giving up completely.”

Katie Couric talks about Twitter:

I don’t think anybody gives a rat’s ass whether I am about to eat a tuna sandwich. I don’t even care. Some of it is so inane and narcissistic and bizarre I don’t quite get it. I don’t know why anyone would want to read it, much less why I would want to write it.

Unless “tuna sandwich” is a code phrase for “vagina.” In that case, I’d be very interested to read about Katie Couric eating a tuna sandwich . . .

Two women are talking in the lunch room. One is wearing a black pullover sweater.

The other woman says, “I like your sweater.”

“Thanks. It’s long, so it covers my ass.”

“That’s what I like about it. Not that it covers your ass, but that it would cover my ass.”

I’m speechless . . .

The sweater isn’t covering her ass, her pants are covering her ass, and the sweater is covering the pants!

It’s a total misread of the geometry of the situation!

• I love California but if Texas secedes from the union, I might move there: http://twurl.nl/8wgzbz #
• At a stop light, driver in front of me starts making out w/girl in the passenger seat. Did I mention the driver is also a girl? #

My fellow Americans –

Did you know that I was born on this date in 1743? Probably you didn’t because nobody makes a big deal about it like Washington’s birthday or Lincoln’s.

That used to really bother me but I’m okay with it now.

Anyway — it’s MY birthday but YOU get the gift. Point your browser at the Guess Her Muff website. GADZOOKS! You will not be disappointed!

Sadly, ladies styling their pubes had not entered into the marketplace of ideas in the 18th century. I can’t help thinking what Sally Hemings would have looked like with a Brazilian.

AH-OOGAH!

”Be disloyal. It’s your duty to the human race. The human race needs to survive and it’s the loyal man who dies first from anxiety or a bullet or overwork. If you have to earn a living, boy, and the price they make you pay is loyalty, be a double agent — and never let either of the two sides know your real name. The same applies to women and God. They both respect a man they don’t own, and they’ll go on raising the price they are willing to offer.”

— Graham Greene, “Under the Garden”

1. Fewer kids in day care
2. More women in porno