Leftovers from a catered lunch meeting found their way into the break room refrigerator.
I pull out a tin of pasta . . .
“Look,” I say to the woman watching me, “this one has my name right on it! ‘Pesto Pete,’ that’s what they call me.”
“That says ‘Pesto Penne,’” she says.
“Close enough!”
The men’s and women’s restrooms at our office face each other across a hallway. Neither one of them has a double-door entry for privacy. If you push open the door to the men’s room, you’re looking at a row of sinks, but if you’re coming out of the men’s room at the same time someone opens the door to the ladies’ room, you’re looking right at the stalls, including ankles and feet if anyone’s in them.
I’m all for collegiality in the workplace, but isn’t this overdoing it? Even at home, I don’t mind if people close the bathroom door . . .
I found a former colleague on LinkedIn this weekend — he was my boss at my very first IT job as an entry-level programmer.
He mentioned that his daughter had graduated from college and is now an ER nurse. That doesn’t sound right because I remember when his daughter was born and it seems like just last week, but I’m doing the math in my head and sure enough it was more than 20 years ago . . .
Drinking in the morning has an undeservedly bad reputation . . .
Of course, it’s a three-day holiday weekend and if I want to start the day by enlivening an otherwise ordinary glass of cola with a splash of tequila, that’s nobody’s business but mine.
But I also think that on weekdays, most workplaces would be more interesting and fun if people had a glass or two of wine before coming in to the office . . .
I asked a facilities person about the cleaning crew situation . . . turns out we did recently hire a new outfit.
Her theory on why they keep moving the watebasket: “Maybe they want you to notice that they emptied it.”
[W]hat … meetings are doing is playing out an emotional drama–conflict, blaming, flirting, one-upsmanship, random outbursts, anger, and so forth….the soap-opera aspects of meetings are the most exciting parts of their jobs….
Indeed, these people are often upset if I show them how to conduct well-run meetings, because I’ve taken all the joy out of their lives.
A couple of days ago, I saw one of our senior managers walking down the hallway with her hands clasped behind her back.
I’d never seen her do that before — the hands thing, I mean. It gave her a different look — in fact, it gave her a different sort of presence — so I decided to try it myself.
I immediately felt more thoughtful — or at least I felt like I looked more thoughtful — like a professor strolling across the quad.
Today I was doing it again when I happened to meet up with the woman I copied it from.
I told her I was trying to emulate her hands-behind-the-back leadership technique.
She said the only reason she’d been doing that is her shoulders were sore from Pilates class and she was trying to stretch them out . . .
It seems we’ve hired on a passive-aggressive cleaning crew at the office . . .
Every morning this week, I’ve come in and my wastebasket is under the desk in front of my chair, instead of under the desk to my right where I always keep it.
I appreciate that they empty it before moving it, but where am I supposed to put my legs if there’s a wastebasket right in front of my chair?
We’re wordsmithing a confirmation email that we send out to new members of our association.
One problem I have with it is that we talk about our mission being to “enhance the quality of nursing care” and then in the next sentence we talk about members receiving “enhanced benefits.”
Do we need to use “enhance” in every sentence? What’s the difference between “benefits” and “enhanced benefits”? Maybe we could just say “benefits” and leave it at that.
No, our customer care analyst says we really do offer “enhanced benefits” above and beyond the usual benefits, so we need a synonym for “enhance” if we don’t want to use it twice.
I’m thinking we could say “improve the quality of nursing care” or we could say “boost the quality of nursing care.”
“Improve” is clearly better but I just love the sound of the word “boost.”
They’re not booing, they’re saying “boooooooooost the quality of nursing care.”
I’m reading a recommendation on LinkedIn, written by a person I know for another person I know.
Unbeknownst to the vast majority of people who’ll read the recommendation, these two people used to date each other. I know I’m a bad person but I can’t help mentally adding “…in bed” to the end of each sentence.
Try it:
Cleopatra is an absolute pleasure to work with. While working together, I found her to be a consummate professional. Clearly, her keen attention to detail is without equal. . . .
You get the idea . . .
After shooting some hoops, we stop at Extra Mile for hot dogs and sodas. Something catches my eye about the clerk’s name tag — underneath his name, it says “MIT.”
“Did you go to school at MIT?” I ask him.
“No,” he says. “That means ‘Manager In Training.’”
“Oh, that makes sense.” Convenience store clerk seemed like kind of a low-level job for a MIT grad.
I’m waiting for Jeff to get me the server uptime numbers for March when I see this Facebook update:
Oh he loves those Facebook name applications. He’s got a Clown Name, a Smurf Name . . .
I add a comment: Hey Buttons! I need those server numbers. Hop to it…
He deletes my comment and deletes me from his friend list. His sidekick — the Barney to his Fred — also deletes me from his friend list.
He does send me the server numbers though, so it’s OK. I’m results-oriented . . .
Don’t expect big rewards. Don’t expect anyone to beat a path to your door to embrace your ideas. Don’t expect anyone to help or support you. Do it so you can look at yourself in the mirror every day with pride. That’s the biggest and best payoff.
Whatever your work, make it your art. All sorts of good things happen when you do.
How have you changed the way you perform your work in the last week?
Effective immediately, I’m going to start de-friending everyone who sends a Facebook status update about how glad they are that it’s Friday, how glad they are that it’s Thursday because it’s almost Friday, how gloomy they are because it’s Monday, how they hate to be at work, blah blah blah et fucking cetera.
SHUT UP LOSERS! Stop wasting your life and mine with this nonsense!
Find an activity that you love and engage in it . . .
The dizziest woman in the office just used the word “congruence” in a sentence — correctly.
Have I underestimated her?
