What I do not understand is whether the world really needed you. Who knows? Perhaps one supernumerary less would have spoiled the human tragedy. — Machado de Assis, Epitaph of a Small Winner
May 2011
SharedVision
The principal effects of SharedVision derive from the group’s continuous validation that an object of compelling beauty and importance can be, and will be, achieved by its combined thinking and intense, concerted action. Attempting a goal like that typically found in a vision statement of this class of team requires substantial ambition. The SharedVision object is something that each team member would most likely see as impossible to attain on an individual basis, were it not for the ongoing validation and sustained support of the other team members. The object itself is — or at least becomes — loaded with supreme meaning for the team. Nothing is more important. The team’s commitment to attaining the SharedVision object is a passionate one. So animated is the team’s fervor that the only real difference between a shared delusion and a SharedVision is the rational, step-by-step behavior of those experiencing the vision, which… Read more →
What Should I Do With This Information?
Just after a big fight with my wife, caused by me accusing her of losing something that belongs to me, I found the thing on the nightstand next to my bed. Should I a) Say, “Honey, just to show you how funny life can be sometimes, look what I found!” or b) Take the information to my grave? Read more →
HW’s Book Reviews: Go the Fuck to Sleep
If you think saying “fuck” to a toddler is the funniest thing ever, and evidently a lot of people do judging from the rave reviews on Facebook, then you’ll love this book. SPOILER ALERT: The joke is that infants don’t have the same sleep patterns as grownups — ha ha — which is breaking news to this hapless unfit shithead of a parent, who spews page after page of rhymed obscenities at his child. I didn’t say “fuck” to my kid until he was a teenager, and even then it wasn’t to be funny. Seriously: Children are a gift from God and I don’t even believe in God. I love the time that my son and I were boys together more than I love anything. If you think there’s anything clever or funny about this book, please stay away from me . . . Read more →
What you are is what you have been. What you’ll be is what you do now. — Buddha
Aside
Keeping it real like a Happy Meal
Aside
Beginning this day my life shall run like sweet water . . .
Ask the Dust
You’ll eat hamburgers year after year and live in dusty, vermin-infested apartments and hotels, but every morning you’ll see the mighty sun, the eternal blue of the sky, and the streets will be full of sleek women you never will possess, and the hot semi-tropical nights will reek of romance you’ll never have, but you’ll still be in paradise, boys, in the land of sunshine. — John Fante, Ask the Dust Good book, set in the Bunker Hill area of Los Angeles in the 1930s. You’ll need to up the dosage on your Prozac prescription after you read it . . . Read more →
Irvine Loves Bunnies
People Who Died Last Week
It was a busy week for the Grim Reaper . . . Seve Ballesteros, golfer Osama bin Laden Jackie Cooper, actor Arthur Laurents, playwright. Wrote West Side Story, among other things. David Mason, trumpeter. Played the trumpet solo on “Penny Lane.” Sada Thompson, actress. Played Kate Lawrence on Family. Dana Wynter, actress. That’s her in the photo, from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who name their daughter Khloe. Or any other name starting with a K that really should start with a C. But especially Khloe. Read more →
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. — Alfred Korzybski
Zero or Hero
The men, hailed as heroes across the country, will march in no parades. They serve in what is unofficially called Seal Team 6, a unit so secretive that the White House and the Defense Department do not directly acknowledge its existence. . . . Despite the mission’s success, former Seal members acknowledged the precariousness of the raid and the degree of luck involved. “If that thing had gone bad, the conversation you and I would be having would be completely different,” Mr. Shipley said. “There’s only two ways to go in these operations — zero or hero.” — New York Times Read more →
Hard-Earned Wisdom
Once again, my kid and I are at the gas station where you can’t lock the pump handles in place and you have stand there and hold them. Except that thanks to our previous visit, he now knows how to keep the pump on by wedging the gas cap in the handle, so while everyone else is standing around holding pump handles, he’s sitting in the front seat next to me. “Look at everyone holding the pump handles,” I point out. “Don’t say I never improved your life by passing along my hard-earned wisdom.” “Holding the handle builds character,” he says. “So get out and hold it then. I don’t care. At least now you have options.” “Nah, I’ve already got enough character.” Read more →
This Should Have Been a Major Clue
I saw this photo on the web today. Now I’m just a dog but I can’t understand why it took so long to find this guy when he has a big picture of himself right out in front of his house! — Lightning Read more →
Agile Manifesto 2.0
I’ll share with you what I do in one of my standard presentations — I play with the class or with the audience a game called “Rewrite the Agile Manifesto (link) with your thoughts and feelings now.” Here is one of the outcomes: Beyond individuals and interactions to hyper-productive swarming jelled teams and communities of practice. Beyond working software to high-quality, well architected and well-tested user-centered software services. Beyond customer collaboration to user collaboration and user involvement. Beyond responding to change to prioritizing and optimizing for change. — Mike Beedle Read more →
Satan on Osama bin Laden’s 72 Virgins
We don’t have 72 virgins down here, so I presented him with 72 vegans. He’s not happy. HAAAHAHAHA! IT’S GOOD TO BE SATAN! Read more →
Satan on Osama bin Laden
My co-author Paul Epps, one of his colleagues at the office thinks the Osama bin Laden death was a hoax. This same fool believes that the new electric meter at his house is giving him brain cancer based on no evidence at all, but when the president of the United States says bin Laden is dead, he’s like Where are the pictures?! HAAAHAHAHA! People are so gullible — thank God! HAHA! I said thank God, get it? I’m Satan! But seriously, I just want to reassure you idiots that Osama is really here. It’s a tough adjustment for him. Some people know damn well ahead of time that they’re going to hell, so it’s an easier transition. But Osama! Oh man was he surprised to see me! I wish you could have seen the look on his face! HAHA! What a Kodak moment! Gosh, I’m really dating myself with that… Read more →
Newseum: Osama bin Laden Killed by U.S. Special Forces
800 front pages from 77 countries: Newseum: Osama bin Laden Killed by U.S. Special Forces Read more →