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“What kind of tequila do you have?” I ask the bartender.

He says something that sounds like “Gizo.”

“I’ll have a rum and coke,” I say.

“What kind of tequila were you looking for?” he asks.

“Uh, something I’ve heard of.”

• Just Like Football: USC 67, UCLA 46 #
• RT @Lileks: To recap: if you drink in the morning, you're an addict. If you drink in the morning near an athletic facility, you're a fan. #

Originally uploaded by lippo

At hockey tournaments, especially travel tournaments, there’s a lot of down time between games. I usually bring a book to the rink so I have something to do. Nobody else does this. Nobody. In hockey circles, I’m known as the guy who brings books to the rink.

This weekend, we’re at a tournament in San Jose. One of the dads from our team — I think he’s a copier salesman — says to me, “I can’t understand why anyone reads fiction.”

He says it, not in a rude way, but not in a complimentary way either.

I say, “Oh. Well, I can’t understand why anyone lives his whole life inside his own head and never gets curious about what life looks like to other people.”

So I probably won’t have to talk to him the rest of the season.

Later the same day, this guy knocks back a couple of double Scotches at a team dinner and proceeds to make gay sex jokes — loudly — the rest of the evening.

There are three things you need to be careful about: drugs, alcohol and girls. Especially girls.

I have so many things I could say to my own son about girls but after preparing my whole speech I realized it all boiled down to two main points:

1. Don’t be stupid.
2. Manage your own time.

Let me say a few words about the second point.

Anyone who cares about you will want you to follow your dreams, follow your goals. Any girl who objects to the time you put in to do that because it takes away from the time you spend with her, stay away from her. HUGE red flag.

The first point is explained in this video:

If you’re not seeing the video, you can watch it on YouTube.

I was somewhat drunk and somewhat belligerent — although in my defense, I’m somewhat belligerent even when sober — but I did not get so drunk that I wound up vomiting on the host’s front lawn like some people I could mention because really — aren’t we all getting a little too old for that kind of thing?

[HT: Esquire]

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. — Martin Luther King Jr.

The staircase?! That doesn’t make sense. Why can’t I see the staircase? Am I drunk?

• Party host is serving 7&7s. I drink two. Nothing. "Make the next one a double." Nothing. Worst drink ever. #
• @penelopetrunk oh that is not true. see http://kicklikeagirlmovie.com in reply to penelopetrunk #

What problem is this designed to solve? Are there really people who can’t tell when a beer is cold?

The ones in the fridge are cold. Just like any other beer . . .

Drinking in the morning has an undeservedly bad reputation . . .

Of course, it’s a three-day holiday weekend and if I want to start the day by enlivening an otherwise ordinary glass of cola with a splash of tequila, that’s nobody’s business but mine.

But I also think that on weekdays, most workplaces would be more interesting and fun if people had a glass or two of wine before coming in to the office . . .

TIJUANA, Mexico — The bodies of four U.S. citizens were found strangled, beaten and stabbed in a van in this border city, two days after they reportedly left their Southern California homes for a night at the Mexican clubs, U.S. officials said Thursday.

— Associated Press

• Carrie Fisher on her core audience: Alcoholics, addicts, gay (both sexes), mentally ill & people named Erica – http://twurl.nl/hvswww #
• You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like. #
• Temps are soaring in the OC. Treated myself to an ice-cold lemonade at lunch… #
• @NoReinsGirl That’s why I stockpile rum, coke and ice. Emergency preparedness! in reply to NoReinsGirl #

• RT @Ben373: Being responsible is below my pay grade. (The New Yorker) #
• Temperatures soared into the 80s in Orange County this weekend. Thank god I stockpiled enough rum, Coke and ice to ride it out… #
• @Ben373 My wife is Asian. Your post gave her the idea of putting birthday candles in wonton soup. I can’t see how that’s going to work… in reply to Ben373 #

1. Give your son a fashionable name like Tanner, Braden or Travis. You can handicap a child for life with a goofy name. You can give him a sorry start from which he’ll never recover. By the way, you know what’s a good name? Paul. Paul is a name that’s stood the test of time. It dates back to the Bible . . .

Tanner is not even a name. Braden is not a name. Travis is a name, but it’s a hillbilly name, like Zeke. If you’re tempted to name your boy Travis, go ahead and name him Zeke.

2. Use up your moral authority on things of no importance. I was in Subway this afternoon and heard a man telling his kids, “No soda. You’ve had too much soda lately.” It turns out by soda, he meant cola, because he let the kids fill up their drinks with a mixture of Sprite and Hi-C.

First of all, cola is not bad for kids, certainly no worse than Sprite or Hi-C. I drank about four colas a day as a kid — still do, although now I occasionally pour some rum or bourbon in them, which I don’t recommend for the kiddies. As for Hi-C, I’d rather drink water from the sewer.

Second point: it’s micromanagement. Nobody, including your own child — especially your own child — wants to listen to you tell them what to do every minute. They’re going to tune you out. So by the time you finish telling them what to drink, what to eat, what to wear, and get around to something important, nobody’s listening anymore . . .