EppsNet Archive: Alcohol

Belief and Vodka Both Wear Off

“I want to believe. And I want others to believe.” “Why?” “I want them to be happy.” “Let them drink a little vodka then. That’s better than a make-believe.” “The vodka wears off. It’s wearing off even now.” “So does belief.” — Graham Greene, Monsignor Quixote Read more →

Live Like a Jackass, Die Like a Jackass

To anyone who misses Ryan Dunn, may I suggest that you honor his memory by getting drunk and driving your car into a tree. The tragedy here is that Bam Margera wasn’t in the car with him. I object to having these guys introduced into my life via front-page headlines. Why is Ryan Dunn’s death more noteworthy than any other moron with a fast car and a drinking problem? Because he shoved a toy car up his ass? Here in our neighborhood in Irvine, we had a drunk guy a few weeks ago run a red light at Irvine and Culver and smash his truck into a car containing a father, his 14-year-old daughter and three of her friends on their way home from a birthday party. One of the girls, a freshman at Northwood High School, was killed. The fact that Ryan Dunn killed himself and a 30-year-old man… Read more →

The Most Promiscuous Women

The most promiscuous women are those who have been punched, believe homosexuality is not wrong, and spend time in bars. The least promiscuous women are those who are patriotic and spend time in church. — Steven Landsburg Read more →

Do You Drink Too Much?

Alcohol Abuse: Do You Drink Too Much? — AOL Health Warning Sign #1: You avoid reading articles entitled “Do You Drink Too Much?” Read more →

Twitter: 2010-08-08

RT @serafinowicz: Jet Li has a Russian cousin, Jet Ski. # RT @Jesus_M_Christ: #liesitoldmyparents Sure, Mom. "Immaculate." I believe you. # Sun over yardarm. Switching from iced tea to Wild Turkey. # Read more →

No Bars at Home

No bars at home? AT&T to offer $150 fix — USATODAY.com I’ve got a bottle of tequila and some ice. I don’t think that qualifies as a “bar” but it didn’t set me back $150 either. Read more →

Happy Hour

“What kind of tequila do you have?” I ask the bartender. He says something that sounds like “Gizo.” “I’ll have a rum and coke,” I say. “What kind of tequila were you looking for?” he asks. “Uh, something I’ve heard of.” Read more →

Twitter: 2010-01-18

Just Like Football: USC 67, UCLA 46 # RT @Lileks: To recap: if you drink in the morning, you're an addict. If you drink in the morning near an athletic facility, you're a fan. # Read more →

Hockey Parents

Originally uploaded by lippo At hockey tournaments, especially travel tournaments, there’s a lot of down time between games. I usually bring a book to the rink so I have something to do. Nobody else does this. Nobody. In hockey circles, I’m known as the guy who brings books to the rink. This weekend, we’re at a tournament in San Jose. One of the dads from our team — I think he’s a copier salesman — says to me, “I can’t understand why anyone reads fiction.” He says it, not in a rude way, but not in a complimentary way either. I say, “Oh. Well, I can’t understand why anyone lives his whole life inside his own head and never gets curious about what life looks like to other people.” So I probably won’t have to talk to him the rest of the season. Later the same day, this guy knocks… Read more →

Advice for Teenage Boys

There are three things you need to be careful about: drugs, alcohol and girls. Especially girls. I have so many things I could say to my own son about girls but after preparing my whole speech I realized it all boiled down to two main points: Don’t be stupid. Manage your own time. Let me say a few words about the second point. Anyone who cares about you will want you to follow your dreams, follow your goals. Any girl who objects to the time you put in to do that because it takes away from the time you spend with her, stay away from her. HUGE red flag. The first point is explained in this video: If you’re not seeing the video, you can watch it on YouTube. Read more →

Regarding My Behavior at Last Night’s Holiday Party

I was somewhat drunk and somewhat belligerent — although in my defense, I’m somewhat belligerent even when sober — but I did not get so drunk that I wound up vomiting on the host’s front lawn like some people I could mention because really — aren’t we all getting a little too old for that kind of thing? Read more →

Famous Quotes Revisited

Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. — Martin Luther King Jr. The staircase?! That doesn’t make sense. Why can’t I see the staircase? Am I drunk? Read more →

Twitter: 2009-07-26

Party host is serving 7&7s. I drink two. Nothing. "Make the next one a double." Nothing. Worst drink ever. # @penelopetrunk oh that is not true. see http://kicklikeagirlmovie.com in reply to penelopetrunk # Read more →

It’s Cold When the Label Turns Blue

What problem is this designed to solve? Are there really people who can’t tell when a beer is cold? The ones in the fridge are cold. Just like any other beer . . . Read more →

Drinking in the Morning

Drinking in the morning has an undeservedly bad reputation . . . Of course, it’s a three-day holiday weekend and if I want to start the day by enlivening an otherwise ordinary glass of cola with a splash of tequila, that’s nobody’s business but mine. But I also think that on weekdays, most workplaces would be more interesting and fun if people had a glass or two of wine before coming in to the office . . . Read more →

Another Reason I Prefer to Just Drink at Home

TIJUANA, Mexico — The bodies of four U.S. citizens were found strangled, beaten and stabbed in a van in this border city, two days after they reportedly left their Southern California homes for a night at the Mexican clubs, U.S. officials said Thursday. — Associated Press Read more →

Microblog: 2009-04-20

Carrie Fisher on her core audience: Alcoholics, addicts, gay (both sexes), mentally ill & people named Erica – http://twurl.nl/hvswww # You know my motto: I never metacognitive I didn’t like. # Temps are soaring in the OC. Treated myself to an ice-cold lemonade at lunch… # @NoReinsGirl That’s why I stockpile rum, coke and ice. Emergency preparedness! in reply to NoReinsGirl # Read more →

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