EppsNet Archive: Alcohol

Academically Speaking, I’ve Still Got the Geedus

28 Jan 2013 /

I took a Computational Finance midterm over the weekend on Coursera. I’ve taken a few Coursera classes before — they had quizzes, problem sets, programming assignments, essays — but none of them had a midterm or final exam.

It’s the first academic exam I’ve taken in at least a couple of decades, and the first exam ever in which — because it was online — I was able to enjoy the company of my life partner, Wild Turkey.

Here’s my result:

Computational Finance midterm results

I lost the one point on this question right here:

Question 22

If you understand the question, it’s obvious which one of the four I missed, but it may not be obvious what the right answer is. It wasn’t to me, anyway.

My wife asks, “Did you see the grading curve?”

“No, but when you score 149 out of 150, you leave it to others to worry about the curve.”


What Happened in Vegas: Hollywood Theater

31 Dec 2012 /

We spent a few days in Las Vegas over the holidays. Of course what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas but I will go so far as to say that we saw a magic show at the MGM Grand Hollywood Theater featuring a performer whose name — I will say this much — is the same as a Charles Dickens character.

I expected him to be self-absorbed and boring but he was actually unassuming and funny. Good show.

The Hollywood Theater will sell you a tropical drink, like a daiquiri or a pina colada, in one of these silver chalices for $19 and you can take it home with you. Non-alcoholic drinks are also available and with the non-alcoholic drinks, they throw in a package of M&Ms or a bag of kettle chips. Alcohol or M&Ms, take your pick.

I love my chalice. I have it at home with me now. I drink Coke Zeros out of it and I feel like I’ve got a lot of class.

Hollywood Theater chalices


Modern Baptists

23 Nov 2012 /

Mr. Pickens knew that once he got his preaching diploma, he would open a church for modern Baptists, Baptists who were sick to death of hell and sin being stuffed down their gullets every Sunday. There wasn’t going to be any of that old-fashioned ranting and raving in Mr. Pickens’s church. His Baptist church would be guided by reason and logic. Everyone could drink in moderation. Everyone could dance and pet as long as they were fifteen—well, maybe sixteen or seventeen. At thirty, if you still weren’t married, you could sleep with someone, and it wouldn’t be a sin—that is, as long as you loved that person. If you hit forty and were still single, you’d be eligible for adultery not being a sin, as long as no children’s feelings got hurt and it was kept very discreet. But you still had to love and respect the person; you couldn’t just do it for sex.


Let’s Get Drunk and See How Fast We Can Drive My Expensive Car

16 Jul 2012 /
Car crashing into tree

According to the California Highway Patrol, [Kurt Duncan] Naegele, [Ryan Robert] Doheny, Doheny’s brother-in-law Darren William Dahlman, 38, of Pasadena, and Christopher H. Pennell of Los Angeles, had been drinking as guests invited to a birthday party on the San Simeon ranch on Sept. 18, 2009.

They drove to the airstrip to find out how fast Naegele’s Range Rover could go, something a CHP investigator claims Doheny later told him was a bad idea because it was pitch black out and Naegele was driving very fast and erratically. Around 11 p.m., the Range Rover rolled several times
before falling down a steep embankment 300 feet off the runway on the north side of the airstrip.

The crash killed Dahlman, seriously injured Naegele (who had to be extricated from behind the steering wheel) and also injured Pennell and Doheny. Naegele and Doheny estimated to officers that they had been traveling 35 mph at the time of the crash, but CHP investigators who examined the skid marks and other evidence at the scene determined they were going more like 105 mph.

Here’s where things get strange: Naegele maintains that Doheny was actually driving the vehicle, but rather than take the case to trial, he cut a plea deal for a year in custody and four years of probation.

Footnote: I was on jury duty in a similar case, where a drunk guy drove a car full of drunks into a tree, pinning himself behind the steering wheel, then claimed in court that he wasn’t the driver. You gotta say something, right?

Result? Hung jury. You can always count on three idiots out of 12 who believe that anything’s possible.


Crosstown Cup: USC 8, UCLA 3

5 Feb 2012 /
At the Crosstown Cup

The Crosstown Cup was on the line Saturday night. The USC and UCLA hockey teams faced off at Anaheim Ice and the Trojans dominated pretty much as I expected.

It was also Senior Night — the last game of the season.

One of the Trojans players is graduating with a doctorate in education, one kid is getting an MBA and two kids are graduating with a bachelor’s degree in petroleum engineering.

As scholar-athletes, they’re pretty darn good scholars.

As athletes . . . let’s say that they were somewhat less good than my kid’s 18-and-under roller team from last season. Speed, puck control, rink awareness — all limited at best.

They were a lot better than UCLA though.

 

The Victory Bell was in attendance. Something I didn’t know is that the Victory Bell is really loud if you’re right next to it. And by “right next to it,” I mean we were 25 feet away and it was deafening.

 

The fake ID market seems to be booming in Southern California. A lot of underage-looking kids were enjoying a beer at the game.

My wife asked one underage-looking couple, “How do you get beer? You don’t look old enough.”

“Um . . . there is a way to do it,” the girl replied, without providing any further details.


The Problem with Drinking

16 Oct 2011 /
Hank!

That’s the problem with drinking, I thought, as I poured myself a drink. If something bad happens you drink in an attempt to forget; if something good happens you drink in order to celebrate; and if nothing happens you drink to make something happen.

— Charles Bukowski

The Father of the Year Competition is Heating Up

27 Sep 2011 /
Father of the Year nominee

NEWPORT BEACH A man accused of becoming angered at his 7-year-old son and tossing him off a boat during a harbor cruise pleaded not guilty Monday to felony child endangerment.

Sloane Steven Briles, 35, of Irvine, is accused of being under the influence of alcohol and poking his son in the chest and repeatedly slapping him in the face before tossing him about 10 feet off the boat and into the path of oncoming boat traffic.

Prosecutors say he made no attempt to save his son and jumped off the boat only to avoid angry passengers on the Queen.

A boat had to maneuver to avoid striking the boy, who treaded water before a captain on another boat tossed him a life ring, according to prosecutors.

In interviews with television reporters following his arrest, Briles said he and his son were just playing around and that they both decided to jump into the harbor for fun.


Drink Recipe

9 Aug 2011 /

This is a great drink to beat the heat and smooth out market volatility.

Pour some rum over ice and top it off with cola. Garnish with a lime wedge (optional).

I need to think of a name for this . . .


Hockey Parents I Have Known

27 Jul 2011 /

My kid has played hockey most of his life. I’ve spent a lot of time over the last 12 or so years at practices, games and tournaments with other hockey parents.

I’ll miss the parents who watch and wait without calling attention to themselves, don’t over-celebrate, and encourage their kids while pretending not to be nervous or sad.

I won’t miss the obsessive, out-of-control loudmouths, or the parents who were too drunk to be nervous or sad.


Belief and Vodka Both Wear Off

27 Jul 2011 /

“I want to believe. And I want others to believe.”

“Why?”

“I want them to be happy.”

“Let them drink a little vodka then. That’s better than a make-believe.”

“The vodka wears off. It’s wearing off even now.”

“So does belief.”

— Graham Greene, Monsignor Quixote

Live Like a Jackass, Die Like a Jackass

23 Jun 2011 /
Ryan Dunn crash site

To anyone who misses Ryan Dunn, may I suggest that you honor his memory by getting drunk and driving your car into a tree.

The tragedy here is that Bam Margera wasn’t in the car with him.

I object to having these guys introduced into my life via front-page headlines. Why is Ryan Dunn’s death more noteworthy than any other moron with a fast car and a drinking problem? Because he shoved a toy car up his ass?

Here in our neighborhood in Irvine, we had a drunk guy a few weeks ago run a red light at Irvine and Culver and smash his truck into a car containing a father, his 14-year-old daughter and three of her friends on their way home from a birthday party.

One of the girls, a freshman at Northwood High School, was killed.

The fact that Ryan Dunn killed himself and a 30-year-old man rather than a 14-year-old girl is just a matter of chance.

If your idea of a good time is to go out drinking, then get in your car and drive around real fast on PUBLIC ROADS, then you are lethally stupid and I don’t like you.


Are You an Alcoholic?

1 Jun 2011 /

Web comic


The Most Promiscuous Women

15 Dec 2010 /

The most promiscuous women are those who have been punched, believe homosexuality is not wrong, and spend time in bars. The least promiscuous women are those who are patriotic and spend time in church.


Do You Drink Too Much?

18 Nov 2010 /

Alcohol Abuse: Do You Drink Too Much?

Warning Sign #1: You avoid reading articles entitled “Do You Drink Too Much?”


Twitter: 2010-08-08

8 Aug 2010 /
Twitter

No Bars at Home

26 Mar 2010 /
Tequila

No bars at home? AT&T to offer $150 fix

I’ve got a bottle of tequila and some ice. I don’t think that qualifies as a “bar” but it didn’t set me back $150 either.


Happy Hour

18 Jan 2010 /
Tequila!

“What kind of tequila do you have?” I ask the bartender.

He says something that sounds like “Gizo.”

“I’ll have a rum and coke,” I say.

“What kind of tequila were you looking for?” he asks.

“Uh, something I’ve heard of.”


Twitter: 2010-01-18

18 Jan 2010 /
Twitter
  • Just Like Football: USC 67, UCLA 46 #
  • RT @Lileks: To recap: if you drink in the morning, you're an addict. If you drink in the morning near an athletic facility, you're a fan. #

Hockey Parents

17 Jan 2010 /
Hockey Parents

Originally uploaded by lippo

At hockey tournaments, especially travel tournaments, there’s a lot of down time between games. I usually bring a book to the rink so I have something to do. Nobody else does this. Nobody. In hockey circles, I’m known as the guy who brings books to the rink.

This weekend, we’re at a tournament in San Jose. One of the dads from our team — I think he’s a copier salesman — says to me, “I can’t understand why anyone reads fiction.”

He says it, not in a rude way, but not in a complimentary way either.

I say, “Oh. Well, I can’t understand why anyone lives his whole life inside his own head and never gets curious about what life looks like to other people.”

So I probably won’t have to talk to him the rest of the season.

Later the same day, this guy knocks back a couple of double Scotches at a team dinner and proceeds to make gay sex jokes — loudly — the rest of the evening.


Advice for Teenage Boys

18 Dec 2009 /

There are three things you need to be careful about: drugs, alcohol and girls. Especially girls.

I have so many things I could say to my own son about girls but after preparing my whole speech I realized it all boiled down to two main points:

  1. Don’t be stupid.
  2. Manage your own time.

Let me say a few words about the second point.

Anyone who cares about you will want you to follow your dreams, follow your goals. Any girl who objects to the time you put in to do that because it takes away from the time you spend with her, stay away from her. HUGE red flag.

The first point is explained in this video:

If you’re not seeing the video, you can watch it on YouTube.


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