After this debacle of a basketball game, my son, a college freshman, says to me, “I should have gone to USC. I could probably walk on to basketball and make the team.” “Are you kidding? You could probably walk on and start,” I said. Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Basketball
Aside
Keep the damn mouthguard IN your mouth, will ya?
Thank God for Coach K
Without whom Duke would be known for nothing more than educating the idiot offspring of our nation’s tobacco barons. Now that he’s broken the record, are there any grand jury reports waiting to be released? Related articles Duke Basketball Coach Krzyzewski On Joe Paterno: ‘I Think He’s A Great Man And It’s A Horrific Situation’ (huffingtonpost.com) Read more →
Is it Good Etiquette to Call Someone a Cocksucker?
The rivalry between the Flyers and Rangers turned ugly in a penalty-filled preseason game that also appeared to include a homophobic slur from Philadelphia’s Wayne Simmonds to noted New York agitator Sean Avery. — FOX Sports on MSN I suppose that means he called him a faggot. The writer should probably look up the word “homophobic.” I don’t know exactly when it became out of bounds to call someone a faggot, but I know Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for the same thing last season. Is it okay to call a guy a cocksucker? I think that’s okay. It’s essentially the same thing as calling him a faggot, but I think it’s still okay to call someone a cocksucker. Or to say “Suck my dick, motherfucker.” In fact, I think you could say “Suck my dick, you motherfucking cunt-lipped cocksucker” and still be within the bounds of decorum. Just don’t… Read more →
What Are the Laker Girls Going to Do?
The Laker Girls 2011 squad has been selected. (You can watch the auditions.) But with no Laker games, what are they going to do? Idea: Come over to the office, stand behind me all day and dance around every time I school someone. “Bob, let me be direct. Your idea has one problem. It’s stupid.” OHHHHHHH! Loud music! Dancing! Cheering! Read more →
Just Like the Pros
The boy comes home from somewhere this afternoon . . . “Where have you been?” I ask him. “Playing basketball,” he says, as he heads into the kitchen for a beverage. “I’ve been trying to call you. Why didn’t you pick up your phone?” “Does Kobe pick up his phone during a game? Neither do I.” Read more →
NARCh 2011 – Travel Day
LA to Houston We’re waiting at LAX for a flight to Houston when a large black man in his 20s sits down near us in the waiting area. “I could take that guy one-on-one,” my kid announces. I’m about to mention to him that not every big black dude is necessarily a basketball player when he says, “Wait a minute, isn’t that Mario Williams?” I have to admit to him that I wouldn’t recognize Mario Williams if I saw him. He pulls up a photo of Mario Williams on his iPhone. “Yeah,” I say, “that does look like him.” “And he’s waiting for a flight to Houston? That’s got to be Mario Williams.” The final clue is that the guy is decked out in Adidas gear from head to toe. A Google search for “mario williams adidas” on the iPhone reveals that Mario Williams has a sponsorship deal with Adidas.… Read more →
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who say “myself” instead of “me,” as in “It’s a failure for myself losing to the Mavericks.” Read more →
Shooting Hoops
I was thinking about my overall dad performance over the last 18 years. Did I do enough activities with the boy? My memory is playing tricks on me. I did do a lot of activities with him when he was younger, but as he got older, he did more things on his own and with his friends. MY GOD, WHAT IF I DIDN’T DO ENOUGH ACTIVITIES WITH HIM? “Hey, you wanna shoot some hoops?” I ask. “Okay,” he says. Read more →
Taj Gibson’s Twitter Background
You’ve Seen the Video . . .
. . . now here’s the poster: yfrog Photo : Shared by ChrisSteele13 Read more →
Satan on Osama bin Laden
My co-author Paul Epps, one of his colleagues at the office thinks the Osama bin Laden death was a hoax. This same fool believes that the new electric meter at his house is giving him brain cancer based on no evidence at all, but when the president of the United States says bin Laden is dead, he’s like Where are the pictures?! HAAAHAHAHA! People are so gullible — thank God! HAHA! I said thank God, get it? I’m Satan! But seriously, I just want to reassure you idiots that Osama is really here. It’s a tough adjustment for him. Some people know damn well ahead of time that they’re going to hell, so it’s an easier transition. But Osama! Oh man was he surprised to see me! I wish you could have seen the look on his face! HAHA! What a Kodak moment! Gosh, I’m really dating myself with that… Read more →
Husky vs. Bulldog
Hi Everybody! It’s me, Lightning! This basketball game is terrible so here’s a video of a Husky puppy playing with a Bulldog puppy that you’ll enjoy a lot more . . . — Lightning Read more →
March Madness Doggie Style!
It’s an all-canine final! Bulldogs vs. Huskies! Dog vs. dog in paw-to-paw combat! I think the Bulldogs will win because bulldogs look more like pugs. — Lightning Read more →
Shelvin
Did You Know? Shelvin Mack has brothers named Floorin, Roofin and Drywall. Read more →
Shelvin and Nasir
Regarding bonehead fouls in the last two seconds of the Pittsburgh-Butler game, I don’t look for guys named Shelvin or Nasir to make heady decisions in the clutch . . . Read more →
Meeting Ron Artest
My kid and a few of his high school friends are on their way to see Ron Artest at Living Spaces in Irvine. He’s doing a meet and greet from 3:00 to 5:00. What kind of advertising is that? Those kids don’t have money to buy furniture. Read more →
Northwood Basketball Awards
Here are the awards from last night’s basketball banquet at the Tustin Ranch Golf Club. Read more →
The Elevated Scrub
For most of the season, my boy’s been one of the kids who only plays in the last few minutes of blowouts. He’d like to play more but he’s never been on a basketball team before. To me, the fact that he tried out at all is a win, making the team is icing on the cake, and whatever happens after that is up to him and the coach. He told me he’s had some of his best practices lately, and in last night’s game, he got in for a few minutes in the third quarter and then played the whole fourth quarter. “I’ve elevated myself from scrub to super scrub,” he said. Read more →
Trying Out for Basketball
My boy tried out for varsity basketball at Northwood this year. He likes basketball, but he’s never played on a team before. He plays roller hockey at a pretty high level, and if you break it down to fundamentals, basketball and hockey are pretty similar: you score goals at one end, defend the goal at the other end, and play together as a team. He practiced a lot and worked out a lot and he made the squad. I’m proud of him for trying out. When I was a high schooler, I could easily talk myself out of trying anything where I had a good chance of embarrassing myself in front of my peers. Read more →