EppsNet Archive: Humor

Self-Importance

If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. That's why people with no sense of humour have an increased sense of self- importance — Volker Weber (@vowe) April 14, 2014 Read more →

Don’t Apologize

Good for her! I’m tired of people’s phony apologies for doing or saying something they damn well meant to do or say. In fact, not only did she not apologize, she added an additional zinger: “One of them has a book deal. Neither are in a psych ward. They’re okay. I bet you within 3 years one of them will… Read more →

Don’t Try to Be Funny at the Vet

I’m picking up a prescription for Lightning at the vet . . . the new girl, Lauren, is at the desk. “It’s a little different this time,” Lauren says. “We didn’t have the Prednisone 5mg, so we’re giving you Prednisone 10mg, and instead of giving him half a tablet, you’ll give him a quarter of a tablet. I already cut… Read more →

He Lost His Arm, Not His Sense of Humor

Former CNN anchor Miles O’Brien revealed Tuesday that his left forearm was amputated this month after a freak accident led to emergency surgery for a potentially life-threatening condition called compartment syndrome. . . . O’Brien said he’s dealing with phantom pain and getting used to life with one hand. “But I am alive and I’m grateful for that,” he wrote.… Read more →

Aside

Aerogramme Writers’ Studio: Emily Dickinson Attends a Writing Workshop

British Humor

In order for this to have any chance of being funny, you need to know that in Britain, acetaminophen is called paracetamol . . . Q: Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? A: Because the parrots eat ’em all. Read more →

Don’t Make Me Laugh

A new study says that men are funnier than women — but just barely. — latimes.com Men are a lot funnier on average, a few women are very funny, and women who have a reputation of being funny, like Lucille Ball or Carol Burnett, are usually not funny at all. Read more →

Riddles

Q: What will you find in a prison library? A: Prose and cons. Q: What do you call a choice between cinnabar and galena? A: Either ore. Q: Where do Brahmans build their houses? A: Caste lots. Read more →

Bored to Death

The shirt wouldn’t look good on me but I know the feeling . . . Read more →

Arizona Restaurant Serving Lion Burgers

Arizona restaurant serving lion burgers — UPI.com WAITER: We don’t get a lot of lions in here. LION: At these prices, I’m not surprised. Read more →

April Fools

Every month, I present web site metrics to our Web Steering committee. Since this month’s meeting fell on April 1, I took the opportunity to mock up and present a set of fake charts showing all of our key metrics falling off a cliff. LOL! OK I know what you’re thinking — not as funny as cling wrap on a… Read more →

I Love This Joke

A guy is sitting on his sofa when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and THROWS it as far as he can. Three years later — the same guy hears a knock at the door. He opens it and the snail says, “What… Read more →

Climate Comedy

Q: How many climate scientists does it take to change a light bulb? A: None. There’s a consensus that it’s going to change, so they’ve decided to keep us in the dark. — Best of the Web Today Read more →

The Basics of Humor

My wife and my dog both have birthdays later this month . . . “I was just thinking,” I say to my wife, “doesn’t Lightning have a birthday coming up?” (Waiting for reaction . . . waiting . . . ) “That was very basic,” she says. Read more →

Satan on Ted Kennedy

One of the things Ted Kennedy and I have in common is that we both love Chappaquiddick jokes. Ed Klein, a Kennedy friend and biographer, was on the radio the other day and said: I don’t know if you know this or not, but one of his favorite topics of humor was indeed Chappaquiddick itself. And he would ask people,… Read more →

Two Jokes

“Knock knock.” “Who’s there?” “Bessie, the Interrupting Cow.” “Bessie, the Interr–” “MOOOOOOO!”   Two TV antennas fell in love and got married. The wedding was nothing special but the reception was excellent. Read more →

Microblog: 2009-05-04

@llangit 2 electrons walking down the street. 1st says “I think I lost an electron” 2nd: “Are you sure?” 1st: “I’m positive” in reply to llangit # @llangit I meant “2 *atoms* walking…” in reply to llangit # RT @KathySierra: Improving Presos: ditch the opening. All of it. Speaker bio/intro, background, overview… Think: action film, not academic # RT @KathySierra:… Read more →

I Got This Joke From Shaquille O’Neal

From THE_REAL_SHAQ: A Rastaman walks n2 a bank & hands the teller a bag of weed. She says “Sir, what is this 4?” Da Rasta said, “Mi wan open a joint account!” Read more →

Getting Behind

Something this morning reminded me of one of my old calculus teachers . . . He had a signature “joke” that he’d make whenever he or someone in the class mentioned being behind on something: “I don’t mind getting a little behind once in a while.” DOUBLE MEANING! GET IT? No one ever laughed. There were always just a few… Read more →

Why I Don’t Tell Jokes to My Wife

I say to my wife, “I saw a cartoon today . . . a husband and wife are standing in their living room looking at a huge painting on the wall, a portrait of an elderly man in an armchair, and the wife says to the husband, ‘I thought he was your grandfather.’” My wife says, “Who was the guy?”… Read more →

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