EppsNet Archive: Marriage

Two Kinds of People


There are two kinds of people in the world: People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to give a thoughtful response that helps the situation. People who, when having a disagreement with their spouse, are more likely to do or say something that makes the situation worse. Read more →

Gore Vidal, Lifelong Bachelor


The Economic Times here in Bangalore has a great obituary of Gore Vidal. It includes an anecdote in which Vidal skewers Saul Bellow and his multiple wives, followed by the sentence Never married himself, Gore . . . Probably, like Liberace, just never found the right girl. Read more →

Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes Divorcing


“Kate has filed for divorce and Tom is deeply saddened and is concentrating on his three children,” said a statement from Cruise’s rep on Friday. “Please allow them their privacy.” — Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes divorcing – TODAY Entertainment Again the press release asking for privacy. ATTENTION EVERYONE! A LITTLE PRIVACY PLEASE! If not for the press release, who would know or care about this? I’ve got my own problems, thank you. And it’s another blow to the theory, believed by many, that having a lot of money, free time and famous friends is a guaranteed ticket to happiness. No one’s life is a fairy tale, no matter what it looks like . . . Read more →

See You in Hell


[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] It used to be called illegitimacy. Now it is the new normal. After steadily rising for five decades, the share of children born to unmarried women has crossed a threshold: more than half of births to American women under 30 occur outside marriage. The shift is affecting children’s lives. Researchers have consistently found that children born outside marriage face elevated risks of falling into poverty, failing in school or suffering emotional and behavioral problems. — A child out of wedlock is the new normal – The New York Times (via msnbc.com) HA HA HA! And it’s only going to get worse! These poor illiterate bastards will be stabbing each other for food in a few years! Unwed mothers are my meal ticket. Keep up the good work, my little darlings! See you all in Hell .… Read more →

Which Came First?


Given the combined emotional maturity of the bride and groom, I wondered at the wedding which would come first: a thank you note for the gift, or a divorce. I now have the answer: the divorce came first. We never did get the thank you note . . . Read more →

What Would People Say?


‘Spartacus’ star Andy Whitfield dies of lymphoma at 39 Whitfield’s wife, Vashti, in a statement called her husband a “beautiful young warrior” who died on a “sunny Sydney morning” in the “arms of his loving wife.” — msn.com Never heard of him. Also, his wife’s remarks are a tad self-serving, but they did get me to thinking what people would say in the event of my own untimely demise. Best case: “He was a pain in the ass but at least he was interesting.” More likely: “He was a pain in the ass. Once in a great while, he said something interesting. You had to wait for it.” Read more →

Not Exactly Romeo and Juliet


A Facebook friend asks to me to vote for her friends Riq and Chantelle to win their dream wedding. Clicking through on this invitation, I learn that Chantelle is a teacher and Riq is a “tattoo’r.” From the provided photo, I’d say they’re both in their mid to late 20s. The reason they can’t afford to pay for their own wedding? They have five kids. I post a comment: they already have five kids?!?! Response: Previous marriages no judging! Just vote 🙂 Then this follow-up comment from someone I don’t know: By the way that was excellent advise [sic], we should indeed never prejudge, because people who prejudge only assume things and don’t get the facts straight. OK, this guy needs to get his shit together and calm down. I’m not “prejudging” anybody; I’m evaluating people’s mental stability (or lack thereof) based on their accumulated number of kids, spouses and… Read more →

What Should I Do With This Information?


Just after a big fight with my wife, caused by me accusing her of losing something that belongs to me, I found the thing on the nightstand next to my bed. Should I a) Say, “Honey, just to show you how funny life can be sometimes, look what I found!” or b) Take the information to my grave? Read more →

HW at the Movies: Hall Pass


Are you kidding?! I’d rather take a shower with my mom than watch this crap. Only an idiot who knows nothing about life thinks that being married or unmarried has anything to do with happiness. You’ll be just as miserable either way, albeit for different reasons. Read more →

Homeless Cat Problem


It’s a good thing women aren’t married off young by their fathers anymore, or else we’d have a real homeless cat problem on our hands. — Shelby Fero Read more →

Twitter: 2010-11-22


RT @eddiepepitone: Eating blocks of cheese to fend off despair while the wife plots my death. It must be sunday. # RT @serafinowicz: "Last Christmas, I gave you my heart, But the very next day, I died." # Read more →

Here Ya Go, You Fat Bastards


MLB is rolling out an app that will allow fans at games to order concessions on their iPhone and have it delivered to their seats. I thought that option already existed, and it was called a wife. via Deadspin Read more →

You Have to Neglect Things


Given two people with exactly the same ability, the one person who manages day in and day out to get in one more hour of thinking will be tremendously more productive over a lifetime. . . . I spent a good deal more of my time for some years trying to work a bit harder and I found, in fact, I could get more work done. I don’t like to say it in front of my wife, but I did sort of neglect her sometimes; I needed to study. You have to neglect things if you intend to get what you want done. There’s no question about this. — Richard Hamming Related Articles Did Mozart Play Kickball (eppsnet.com) 10,000 Hours + Courage == Greatness (podly.tv) Read more →

Twitter: 2010-08-24


RT @Jesus_M_Christ: How do I know Adam and Eve were white? When’s the last time you seen a black man give up a rib? # RT @eddiepepitone: Tweets of Nietzche’s wife- God isn’t as dead as our sex life! # RT @pattonoswalt: In the future, everyone will be obscure for fifteen minutes. # Read more →

Twitter: 2010-08-21


RT @capricecrane: “Spencer Pratt Writing Tell-All About Ex Heidi Montag.” Chapter One: She marries a douchebag. # RT @TheOnion: Obama To Create 17 New Jobs By Resigning And Finally Opening That Restaurant http://onion.com/a0V23H # Related articles Spencer Pratt to write tell-all book about ex Heidi Montag, as if we don’t already know everything (popwatch.ew.com) Read more →

Short Books


My kid’s got a summer assignment for AP English — select and read two novels from a list of about 20. I’ve been telling him since June that I’d be glad to go over the list with him and recommend books that he might enjoy reading but he’s put it off so long now that I’m limited to recommending short books that he might enjoy reading, and that leaves us with Ethan Frome, Wide Sargasso Sea and All the Pretty Horses. He comes back from the bookstore with Frome and Sargasso, two books about men who marry crazy women. He ruled out All the Pretty Horses because it’s 300 pages long and “I read the first sentence and it had like six adjectives.” Read more →

« Previous PageNext Page »