We’re dropping our 15-year-old son off at LAX. He’s flying to Australia for a couple weeks to visit his cousins. He’s explaining his theory of international cuisine, which is that there’s not going to be any Mexican food in Australia because there are no Mexicans in Australia. On the other hand, they probably have New Zealand food that those of us in the States have never heard about. “That’s why it’s important to travel,” I say, “so you can learn about things like that. Or you could just stay home and watch the Travel Channel.” Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Travel
Low-End Wealth
Flying back to California from the east coast, I sat next to one of about 60 kids coming back from a three-week tour of Europe to celebrate their graduation from an Orange County high school. “You guys must be rich,” I said to her, “traveling around Europe for three weeks.” “We’re on the low end of wealthy,” she said. She put her hand out in front of her, palm down — not too high — to indicate her standing on the wealth ladder. Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-19
Something I didn't know: Leave Sydney at 10 a.m., arrive at LAX at 6 a.m. — on the same day! It's like going back in time! # Read more →
To Fly is the Opposite of Traveling
To fly is the opposite of traveling: you cross a gap in space, you vanish into the void, you accept not being in any place for a duration that is itself a kind of void in time; then you reappear, in a place and in a moment with no relation to the where and when in which you vanished. — Italo Calvino, If on a Winter’s Night a Traveler Read more →
Fat Guys on Planes
Make them pay for two seats. If they’re in a middle seat, make them pay for three seats. Then let other passengers have those seats for free if they want them, keeping in mind that the fat guy is going to spill over into your seat, invading your personal space, pinning you in awkward positions and stabbing you with his bristling arm hair. He may even listen to music on his iPod and do a little fat man dance in his — and your — seat, wobbling around like fat hairy jello. But you’re flying for free! You still want it? Read more →
Going Back in Time
Here’s something I didn’t know: If you fly straight from Sydney to Los Angeles, you arrive before you left! I’m looking at an itinerary here . . . leaving Sydney at 10 a.m., arriving at LAX at 6 a.m. — on the same day! It’s like going back in time! Read more →
Eating Buffalo Wings in Buffalo
Our flight out of Buffalo was delayed by gusty winds so we ducked into Anchor Bar at the airport for an order of buffalo wings. The Anchor Bar wings come with five sauce options: mild, medium, hot, spicy bar-b-que or suicidal. I asked the waitress, “The ‘suicidal’ wings — who’s responsible if they result in my actual death?” “Oh they’re not like that,” she said. “There’s other places in Buffalo that serve wings a lot hotter. Oh my gosh, if you actually died?” “You could use that in your advertising: ‘A guy actually died eating these wings!’” “I’ll keep the defibrillator handy.” We gave the suicidal wings their day in court. We liked them. Like the waitress said, they actually weren’t as hot as the wings I’ve had at some other places, despite the small kernels of red and black pepper that are actually in the sauce and on the… Read more →
Where I’m Coming From
After a visit to the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto, we stopped by a Subway where an Asian woman with a strange accent made our sandwiches. “Have you been to the Hockey Hall of Fame up the street there?” I asked her. No answer. “It’s great!” I said. “We came all the way from California to see it.” “I came from Buffalo,” she said. “Really? Where’d you come from before Buffalo?” I asked. “I saw Niagara Falls,” she said. Read more →
Airline Safety
As we’re waiting for the plane to leave the gate, my son’s looking over the airline safety brochure, which shows multiple scenarios of people sliding to safety out of a downed plane — onto grass, into water, etc. He says, “None of these things is going to work if the plane is going–” here he makes a plummeting motion with his hand, along with a plummeting sound effect. “The plane is on the ground in those pictures,” I say. “You’re not supposed to slide out of the plane while it’s still in the air.” “I know. I’m saying there’s no solution if the plane actually crashes.” “That’s right. Do you want to get off?” Read more →
Welcome Home!
My owner and his boy are back! I am so happy! My owner’s wife let me sleep on the bed while they were gone. Usually I sleep on my own bed downstairs. When someone says, “Lightning, go nite-nite,” I used to go and lie down on my bed. But now when someone says, “Go nite-nite,” I run upstairs to the bedroom. I’m a fast learner! I sniffed my owner’s clothes when he was gone because it made it seem like he was close by. And I went into the boy’s room sometimes to see if he was back yet. I’m going to be an extra good dog so they won’t go away any more . . . — Lightning Read more →
Force of Habit
Our hotel room in Canada had a king-size bed, which I slept on, and a pull-out sofa that my son slept on. The first night we were there, I picked out my side of the bed and went to sleep. It wasn’t until the second night that it occurred to me: Hey I could sleep right in the middle of this bed if I want to! There’s nobody else in it! “I still slept on my side of the bed when you were gone,” my wife said later. Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-14
On runway in Buffalo. Delayed by wind. Will miss connection to LA. # Read more →
Twitter: 2009-07-09
Niagara Falls is INSANE! # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "Listen to them. Children of the night. Christ, what a racket." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "First rule of Fight Club is — dues must be paid by the first of every month." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "I'm mad as hell, and I'm telling you, that's pretty damn mad. Mad, mad, mad! Hoo-boy, am I mad!" #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: [P] "He's Spartacus!" #1stdraftmovielines # RT @paulandstorm: "I'm sorry; did you say 'badgers' or 'badges?' Actually, we don't have either, so the point is moot." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @ChipChantry: "Guys, guys, time out… this boat is WAY TOO SMALL." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @ChipChantry: "If you build it, your wife will get angry with you." #1stdraftmovielines # RT @diablocody: "Make sure I get paid adequately." #1stdraftmovielines # Why isn't there a law against guys with sleep apnea taking redeye flights? # Just… Read more →
Toronto in July
We’re off to Toronto for a week for NARCh. I wonder what the weather’s like in Toronto in July. At least there won’t be thunderstorms every day like the NARCh tournaments we went to in Florida. Let me check the forecast . . . Read more →
Another Reason I Like to Just Stay Home
Yet Another Reason I Like to Just Stay Home
Where Are We?
A Facebook friend recently posted a set of Washington DC photos. Almost all of the photos show people standing in front of easily recognizable landmarks, but all of them are dutifully captioned — White House, Washington Monument, Lincoln Memorial, etc. The one exception is a photo of two people in an ornate lobby with the caption: “I forget where we are here.” Read more →
Another Reason I Prefer to Just Drink at Home
TIJUANA, Mexico — The bodies of four U.S. citizens were found strangled, beaten and stabbed in a van in this border city, two days after they reportedly left their Southern California homes for a night at the Mexican clubs, U.S. officials said Thursday. — Associated Press Read more →
I Got a Passport
I got my first passport yesterday. I can go anywhere! The world is my oyster! Although I really don’t like to travel . . . Some people get annoyed with me when I say that, including members of my own family. It doesn’t make sense to them. My mom, for example, has been to like 30 countries. Maybe 50, I can’t keep track. For me, I start out thinking I’d be happier somewhere else but after I’ve spent all the time and money to get there, I realize I’m still the same person with the same problems I had at home. Not to mention the possibility of being drugged, robbed and killed, or hit by a tsunami. I’m not saying there’s nothing positive about travel. It’s just not worth the investment . . . Read more →