I. At home I tell my son I’m going to the urgent care walk-in clinic. “What for?” he asks. “I want to find out why I’ve gone deaf in my left ear.” “You’ve got an ear infection,” he says. “I had one when I came back from Thailand. I was also coughing 24/7 so I had to take this insane cough syrup and ear infection pills.” “I’m not coughing 24/7. I’ve got a lot of congestion though.” “You’ll just get the ear infection pills then.” “When you took them, could you feel your ear canal cracking open? Man, that’s the best! It’s almost worth it to have a clogged passage just to feel it cracking open again.” “Yeah, but it takes a couple of days.” II. At the doctor’s office The nurse takes my blood pressure. “100 over 60,” she says. “Is that good?” I ask. (I already know it’s… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Christmas
I Got a Snow Globe for My Blog!
One of my owner’s friends gave me a Christmas pug to use on my blog. My first present of the season! Thanks, MS! The pug looks a little sad, probably because someone made him wear that stupid Santa hat. Pugs don’t like to wear hats. We may look like funny little animals, but don’t forget we are descended from the mighty gray wolf. Before you put a Santa hat on a pug, try putting a Santa hat on a wolf. That will teach you a good lesson. Don’t think that the pug is sad because of the snow. Pugs love snow! A day in the snow is the best day ever! Now that I think about it, every day is the best day ever! Oh, one more thing: I do NOT endorse Popdarts.com. Do not go to that site. Go to sites that support pugs. Oops — my owner just… Read more →
The Bloody Olive: A Christmas Film Noir
A Time for Sharing
Originally uploaded by smeado I love this picture! Pugs love to play tug-of-war even though we’re not very good at it! There’s also a good pug photo set here. — Lightning Read more →
A Christmas Story
One of the cable stations had a 24-hour A Christmas Story marathon. I’ve never understood the mania some people have about this movie. I mean, it’s a nice movie, but 12 consecutive showings?! Anyway, my son turned on the 10 p.m. showing last night and we all watched it. My wife fell asleep as she often does watching movies, but the boy enjoyed it. Merry Christmas to everyone who’s taken the time to read this site over the past year. Read more →
50 Years Ago Today
According to the Los Angeles Times: Red Sanders decided to stay on as football coach at UCLA instead of pursuing the football coach/athletic director job at Texas A&M, a job recently vacated by Paul (Bear) Bryant. (Sanders would have a heart attack and die before the start of the 1958 football season anyway.) A father of three killed himself in front of his wife after losing his job on Christmas Eve. Silent-screen star Norma Talmadge died in Las Vegas. The Times gave her age as 60; according to IMDB, she was actually 62. Read more →
Why There’s No UCLA Store
My son and I stopped by the USC Store at South Coast Plaza today. As you might expect, it was packed with people buying Christmas gifts, Rose Bowl gear and other branded merchandise. I wonder what a UCLA Store would look like, if there were a UCLA Store. A handful of angry, miserable people milling about, checking out the Las Vegas Bowl runner-up merchandise. FIGHT ON! Read more →
A Family Secret
“Don’t buy us anything expensive for Christmas this year,” my mom says on the phone. “Save your money.” I diplomatically omit the fact that every year as the Yuletide approaches, my wife starts rummaging through the closets for things she doesn’t want, then wraps them up and gives them to my parents as Christmas presents. Read more →
Christmas in Australia
A christmas card from my brother-in-law, who lives with my wife’s sister and their two daughters outside Sydney: The sun is shining. The days are long and hot. We are in the first weeks of summer and the bush fires have just started. It must mean Christmas is just around the corner. Read more →
Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Holiday Decorations
Aliso Viejo man dies after falling while hanging Christmas lights — Orange County Register This cautionary tale includes a helpful tip from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission: Falls from ladders or rooftops are comical in the movies, but in reality, they can be a very dangerous thing. Actually, falls from ladders and rooftops can be funny in real life too, but only when they happen to someone else. See also: Another Reason I Let My Wife Handle the Grocery Shopping Read more →
My Dog Reviews How the Grinch Stole Christmas!
The Grinch is very mean to his dog, Max, not because he doesn’t like dogs, but he is very mean to everyone. You’re a mean one, Mr. Grinch! Read more →
Mister Lucky
It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God. — Matthew 19:24 Is money a guarantee of happiness? Read more →
Christmas at the Office
I’m in receipt of the following “Secret Santa” email: Please come by my desk to pick a name. Then go buy (and wrap) a new toy that represents that person. Humor is the key here! Get creative and have fun! We’ll open the toys, have a laugh with each recipient, and then donate the toys to charity. Translation: Buy something that confirms the recipient’s worst suspicions about what people really think of him (or her), and then we’ll all go home and hang ourselves. Read more →
Ghosts of Christmas Past
I found an old Christmas card from my son this weekend, the kind of thing that’s looked upon wistfully by probably no one except the child’s parents. Here it is anyway . . . Dear Mom and Dad, I wish you an awesome Christmas and I would’ve bought you an expensive present but I couldn’t afford one. I still love you though. Love, Casey Read more →
My Kid Got a Dawg for Christmas
My kid got a dog for Christmas — a Pug. His name is Lightning. The dog’s, that is, not the kid’s. Pugs take the cake for “cute,” judging by the reaction of every woman or girl who sees one. Oh, he’s so cute! Oh, he’s so precious! Read more →
A Bruce Lee Christmas
I’ve been reading Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do, in which he says that most athletes are not willing to drive themselves hard enough, and that only through extraordinary effort can one unlock the potential of the human body. Read more →
My Favorite Xmas Songs
Links go to iTunes samples . . . Read more →
How’s Business?
People often ask me: How’s the computer business? One thing I can tell them is that a significant number of my Merry Christmas emails from former colleagues end with something like this: P.S. Please let me know if you hear of any job leads as I am currently unemployed. Read more →
Christmas Wishes
After my son got close to 50 items on his Amazon Xmas wish list, I said it might be helpful to add a comment to the stuff indicating which things he wanted the most. Now most of the items include one of the following three comments: favorite extreme favorite!!!!!!!! very extreme favorite!!!!!!!!! With varying numbers of exclamation points . . . Read more →
Christmas at Starbucks
I noticed this weekend that Starbucks has rolled out the Christmas menu — Egg Nog Latte, Gingerbread Something-Or-Other . . . also that my local Starbucks has mounted a wreath on the inside of the entry door, anchored only at the top, so when you pull the door open, the wreath swings out and smacks you in the head. Merry Christmas! Ouch! Read more →