Gabriel García Márquez, the influential, Nobel Prize-winning author of “One Hundred Years of Solitude” and “Love in the Time of Cholera,” has died, his family and officials said. He was 87. — CNN.com CNN reported the death of García Márquez with more or less equal weightiness as the following “top stories”: CNN reporter faces claustrophobia Is it possible to live forever? 7 ways to be more interesting See Rosie O’Donnell’s 50-lb. weight loss Miley Cyrus tour postponed W.H.: No comment on Bieber petition I didn’t cherry-pick those stories, by the way. They were all listed as Top Stories on CNN.com. CNN is a “serious” news outlet. García Márquez’s death was also reported in the “popular” media, amongst reality show updates, celebrity pregnancies and Kardashians. Orwell wrote about a society in which books are banned. As it turns out, there’s no need to ban books because no one has any interest… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Death
More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of
People who hijack the occasion of another person’s death to offer up long-winded tributes – to themselves: “My fondest memory of the deceased is the time many years ago when he fixed me with his penetrating gaze and, in that intense manner of speaking he had that brooked no dissension, he told me how great I am. What an inspiring moment! Blah blah blah . . . me me me . . .” Thank you, Professor Pompous. Read more →
Let it Bleed
At my piano lesson tonight, I noticed what looked like a streak of blood on one of the keys. The next thing I noticed was that the tip of my right index finger was bleeding — apparently a paper cut from a sheet of music, although I didn’t feel anything at the time. I didn’t want to ruin the piano so I stopped playing and tried to get everything cleaned up. I asked my teacher, “If you’re playing a concert and you start bleeding, what should you do? Just keep going?” “Yes.” “What if in addition to being a pianist, you’re also a hemophiliac and you might die? Would that alter your advice?” “Are you a hemophiliac?” “Fortunately, no.” Read more →
At Any Rate, That Is Happiness
Nothing happened. I did not expect anything to happen. I was something that lay under the sun and felt it, like the pumpkins, and I did not want to be anything more. I was entirely happy. Perhaps we feel like that when we die and become part of something entire, whether it is sun and air, or goodness and knowledge. At any rate, that is happiness: to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep. — Willa Cather, My Antonia Read more →
EppsNet Book Reviews: Revolutionary Road by Richard Yates
Richard Yates poses the question of how much reality people can stand, and the answer he comes up with is “not very much.” Alternatives to facing reality head-on are explored in Revolutionary Road: avoidance, denial, alcoholism, insanity and death. Some excerpts: “You want to play house you got to have a job. You want to play very nice house, very sweet house, you got to have a job you don’t like. Great. This is the way ninety-eight-point-nine per cent of the people work things out, so believe me buddy you’ve got nothing to apologize for. Anybody comes along and says ‘Whaddya do it for?’ you can be pretty sure he’s on a four-hour pass from the State funny-farm; all agreed.” And all because, in a sentimentally lonely time long ago, she had found it easy and agreeable to believe whatever this one particular boy felt like saying, and to… Read more →
Death Row Headlines We’d Like to See
I saw this headline on MSN News this morning: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Rapper Here’s an undated photo of the musical murderer: The fact that he was an aspiring rapper seems comically irrelevant to the fact that he was convicted of slitting a man’s throat — which didn’t kill him — and then stabbing him — which did. Some future Death Row headlines we might expect to see from MSN: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Comic with 37 Twitter Followers Texas Set to Execute Amateur Banjo Player Texas Set to Execute Man With Irritating Laugh Read more →
Geoff Edwards, 1931-2014
LOS ANGELES (AP) – Geoff Edwards, the hip-looking 1970s and ’80s host of TV game shows including “Jackpot!” and two incarnations of “Treasure Hunt” died Wednesday, his agent said. He was 83. “Geoff was one of the cleverest, funniest radio and television personalities I’ve worked with,” said fellow game show host Wink Martindale. The two were DJs at pop radio station KMPC in Los Angeles. — Game show host Geoff Edwards dies at 83 – MSN TV News Shocking, shocking news . . . Wink Martindale is still alive?! RIP Geoff Edwards Read more →
Another Reason I Stopped Meeting Women on Craigslist
Jim Fregosi, 1942-2014
I grew up in Orange County as an Angels fan. They were a team of losers at that time, but I went to a lot of games with my dad and had a good time watching them play. Jim Fregosi was my favorite player, usually the only good player on a typical Angels roster. RIP Jim Fregosi. Read more →
Philip Seymour Hoffman, 1967-2014
Oscar-winning actor Philip Seymour Hoffman was found dead Sunday of an apparent drug overdose at his Manhattan apartment. Police responded to the 46-year-old’s apartment in the West Village shortly after 11 a.m., police sources told FoxNews.com. A friend found his body in the apartment and phoned police. Hoffman was alone in his bathroom when he was discovered with a heroin-filled needle in his arm, law enforcement sources said. — Philip Seymour Hoffman found dead in NYC apartment from apparent drug overdose I am really shocked to hear that. People are shooting up heroin first thing in the morning?! To me, a shot of heroin — like a nice, warm bath — is best enjoyed in the evening, to unwind after the travails of the day. This is yet another blow to a theory that most Americans believe, which is that wealth is synonymous with happiness. Philip Seymour Hoffman, he’s in… Read more →
Thoughts on a Turbulent Flight
I can’t sleep on planes. I’m afraid the damn thing will crash and I’ll miss it. I don’t believe in anything. I wish I did. It seems comforting to imagine holding the plane aloft with prayer. I’m not a good person. Why shouldn’t something terrible happen to me? Read more →
World Ends: Women, Minorities Hardest Hit
Clifford Nass, 1958-2013
One of his most publicized research projects was a 2009 study on multitasking. He and his colleagues presumed that people who frequently juggle computer, phone or television screens, or just different applications, would display some special skill at ignoring irrelevant information, or efficiently switching between tasks, or that they would prove to have a particularly orderly memory. “We all bet high multitaskers were going to be stars at something,” he said in an interview with the PBS program “Frontline” after the paper he and his colleagues wrote, “Cognitive Control in Media Multitaskers,” was published in 2009. “We were absolutely shocked,” he said. “We all lost our bets. It turns out multitaskers are terrible at every aspect of multitasking. They’re terrible at ignoring irrelevant information; they’re terrible at keeping information in their head nicely and neatly organized; and they’re terrible at switching from one task to another.” He added, “One would… Read more →
The Best-Laid Plans . . .
As if any more evidence was needed that smoking is bad for your health. Should I ever happen to kill myself while trying to perform a simple task — I’m trying not to, but if it does happen — please don’t publish a photo of me in a college hoodie. Au revoir, professor! Read more →
Thank You for Smoking
According to the American Cancer Society, smoking kills about 1 in 5 people in the United States. Is that bad? If so, why? You’ve got to die somehow. Would it be better if those people died from some other cause? How would you prefer to see them die? Also: Some percentage of Americans would rather be dead than alive anyway. I don’t know what that number is, but I’d bet it’s higher than 1 in 5. (If you Google “percentage of people who would rather be dead,” the top results all point to a 2008 survey in which 52 percent of respondents said they would rather be dead than disabled. If you change the search to “percentage of people who would rather be dead than alive,” you get a mishmash of links, including a few more links to the “dead vs. disabled” survey, but you still don’t get the number… Read more →
And So it Goes
Joe Bell, 48, was walking cross-country from Oregon to New York to memorialize his gay son, who killed himself after being bullied. Bell’s journey began April 20 and ended this week on a two-lane road in eastern Colorado, where he was struck and killed by a tractor-trailer whose driver had apparently fallen asleep. Read more →
A (Nearly) Perfect Murder
A Montana woman was charged on Monday with killing her husband of eight days by pushing him off a cliff at Glacier National Park during an argument and after expressing doubts about the marriage, court records show. Jordan Graham, 22, was charged with second-degree murder in U.S. District Court in Missoula stemming from the July 7 death of her husband, Cody Johnson, 25, of Kalispell. . . . Graham on July 11 reported to emergency dispatchers at Glacier National Park that she had found her husband’s body below a steep hiking path. It was not immediately clear how far he had fallen. Graham later admitted to authorities that she had lied about Johnson’s death and that she had shoved him off a cliff during an argument while hiking. — “Newlywed pushes husband off cliff after 8 days of marriage: court records” – NBCNews.com Jordan Graham taking a page from my… Read more →
If You Quote Poetry at My Death, I Will Haunt You
If you know me, and you outlive me, and you want to say something on the occasion of my demise, please do not quote a snippet of poetry or other literary material, e.g., “He did not go gently into that good night.” Or: “I think Wordsworth said it best . . .” Bullshit . . . Wordsworth did not say it best. Wordsworth didn’t know me. You knew me. Go ahead and say something from the heart if you have something. Keep it real. He was not a good person. He had the most appalling social skills, which is why he had no close friends. After his son moved out, he just unraveled like an old sock. I remember at Jackie O’s funeral, her kids — was it just one kid, or both? I think both — read a poem. A poem! That’s when you really know that your life… Read more →
I Killed a Guy in Florida
Hi everybody! it’s me, Lightning! I knew I should have killed those two guys under the truck so there wouldn’t be any witnesses. HA HA! Kidding! I wasn’t even in Florida! — Lightning Read more →
See You in Hell, New Orleans
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] A 1-year-old girl was shot dead in her babysitter’s arms in New Orleans, prompting the city’s mayor to declare “enough is enough” as police hunted for two suspects with little help from witnesses. Londyn Samuels, who was just learning to walk, was struck by a bullet fired into her 18-year-old nanny’s back as she carried the toddler home from the park. — “‘Enough is enough’: 1-year-old shot to death on New Orleans street” – NBCNews.com There’s a train they call the City of New Orleans, and it is on a fast track to Hell. First of all, let me say for the record that everyone is equal in Hell — regardless of race, color, religion, creed, national origin, blah blah blah, or any other legally protected status. That said, when I see a headline like 1-year-old… Read more →