Put four fat chicks in one car and you can slow the normally brisk pace of the McDonald’s drive-thru lane down to an absolute crawl . . . Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Food
Alpha Dogs Eat First
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Dinner time is my favorite time of the day! Delicious food moves from the kitchen to the dining room table and if anyone turns their back on it for a second, I launch myself onto a chair and grab some. Tonight I got a tasty chunk of salmon! “Lightning is a bad dog,” the boy says. “Joseph’s dog never tries to eat their food.” “Lightning is an alpha dog,” my owner says, “and alpha dogs eat first. Joseph’s dog is a pussy. He’s so far down the chain of dominance, there aren’t enough letters in the Greek alphabet to categorize him.” — Lightning Read more →
Here Ya Go, You Fat Bastards
MLB is rolling out an app that will allow fans at games to order concessions on their iPhone and have it delivered to their seats. I thought that option already existed, and it was called a wife. via Deadspin Read more →
Twitter: 2010-08-06
RT @Jesus_M_Christ: When you see my face on a tortilla or a grilled cheese sandwich that means it’s my lunch, leave it alone. # Read more →
Twitter: 2010-07-24
RT @flowingdata: 7 Basic Rules for Making Charts and Graphs http://datafl.ws/yi # RT @margaretcho: Why is gordon ramsay always screaming and kicking shit its just fucking food # Read more →
Donettes for Breakfast
My son bites into one of his donettes . . . “Do you ever eat the whole donette in one bite?” I ask him, popping an entire donette into my mouth. “No,” he says. “You’re missing out.” Read more →
Arizona Restaurant Serving Lion Burgers
Arizona restaurant serving lion burgers — UPI.com WAITER: We don’t get a lot of lions in here. LION: At these prices, I’m not surprised. Read more →
Real Mayonnaise
Twitter: 2010-06-21
RT @eddiepepitone: 2 unconnected thoughts?- tom cruise and cameron diaz star in a new movie. Banality is the true face of evil. # Chip Tip: Sun Chips and Cheetos make a tasty combination! # Read more →
Personal Preferences
One of my son’s friends, his parents split up some time back because his dad, as it turned out, was not really attracted to women. I met the gentleman for the first time last night at a school concert. How he was able to convince anyone, including himself, that he’s not gay is a mystery. “Did you notice they’re opening a new restaurant at South Coast Plaza?” he said in a voice as gay as Christmas. “They’ll be serving only locally grown food. I was on my way to the Apple Store . . .” Now I’m not saying that every man who cares about where his food is grown or owns an Apple product is gay but . . . “I own an Apple product,” my son says. “Yeah, an iPod,” I reply. “That’s okay. That’s mainstream.” Read more →
Finer Things
As we’re driving home from Extra Mile, I ask my son, “How’s that Icee?” “Good,” he says. “What flavor did you go with?” “Pineapple Mango.” “It makes me feel good to be able to provide my son with the finer things in life.” “A 99-cent Icee?” “Fine things don’t have to cost a lot of money.” Read more →
Cooking Tips (Given the Unidirectional Nature of Time)
“How long would you microwave this for?” my son asks, holding a bowl of refried beans and chopped chicken. “I’d start out with a minute,” I say. “A minute?!” “Yeah. Is that too much?” “It’s too little.” “Well, I’d rather start out by undercooking the food a little bit because I can always cook it some more, whereas once I’ve fried it into a flaming gob, I don’t have any recourse.” “You’re weak,” he says. “Okay, do it your way, Volcano Joe.” Read more →
Twitter: 2009-12-18
RT @capricecrane: "Twitter" was the most used word of 2009. Numbers two and three were "I'm" and "broke." # RT @Aimee_B_Loved: Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines. # RT @FakeAPStylebook: Use "can of whup-ass" only, as whup-ass is not sold in jars, squeeze tubes or resealable bags. # RT @RogervonOech: Never state a problem to yourself in the same terms as it was brought to you. [More at:] http://j.mp/cthirsh # RT @HarvardBiz: Government Health Care: Like the Postal Service? http://bit.ly/4IzozI # RT @capricecrane: I don't know how your car got dented. Maybe it's God saying you shouldn't have cut me off for that parking space. Or me. # RT @diablocody: Eating a gingerbread house for breakfast. A new low. # RT @capricecrane: According to Billboard: "Nickelback: 'Band of the decade.'" That's all. Enjoy the apocalypse. # RT @TheOnion: "Why do… Read more →
Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats
My dad is of the opinion that cats are “smarter” than dogs. Not coincidentally, he and my mom own a couple of cats, one of which was sitting next to his chair at Thanksgiving dinner. Dad decided to share some turkey with the cat. He stood up with a piece of turkey, showed it to the cat, than walked out to the kitchen and dropped it in the cat’s food dish. When he returned to his chair, the cat was still sitting there. Never moved. “That is one stupid cat,” I said. “Well, he’s three-quarters blind,” my dad said, although he didn’t say how he could possibly know that. “If my dog was here, he would have jumped up and eaten your whole dinner the second you left the room.” Read more →
Twitter: 2009-11-11
RT @MOCAlosangeles: MOCA ? YOU! Complimentary Museum Admission | SUNDAY, NOV 15–FRIDAY, NOV 20 | more info at http://bit.ly/46urQb # If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it? # No hell, no dignity, no hope. Have a great day! # My wife's in LA at the Thai markets. She'll bring back those little coconut pancakes. I love coconut pancakes! # Read more →
Orange County Restaurant Week, Sep 13-19
Special prix fixe menus from participating restaurants: $20 Dinner Menus $30 Dinner Menus $40 Dinner Menus You can’t go wrong with Orange Hill or Anaheim White House, in this reviewer’s opinion . . . Read more →
Overheard
Twitter: 2009-08-27
RT @PeteCarroll: congrats to matt barkley on being named our starting qb… let's rip it matt! http://bit.ly/o7hbG (@USCRipsIt) # RT @OCWeekly: We round up our top five favorite things to eat at Disneyland: What'd we miss? http://bit.ly/15dKgE # Read more →
Twitter: 2009-08-23
@ReporterHaley Love the food at Lucille's. And they make a very good mint julep… in reply to ReporterHaley # RT @capricecrane: I was trying to make exercising fun but apparently after a certain age its no longer "appropriate" to play Ding Dong Ditch # Read more →
Microwave Instructions
“There are no microwave instructions,” my son says, looking over a frozen pizza box. I say, “You want microwave instructions? Put it in the oven and turn it on. Aren’t those pretty much the microwave instructions for anything?” Read more →