EppsNet Archive: Food

Twitter: 2010-06-21

RT @eddiepepitone: 2 unconnected thoughts?- tom cruise and cameron diaz star in a new movie. Banality is the true face of evil. # Chip Tip: Sun Chips and Cheetos make a tasty combination! # Read more →

Personal Preferences

One of my son’s friends, his parents split up some time back because his dad, as it turned out, was not really attracted to women. I met the gentleman for the first time last night at a school concert. How he was able to convince anyone, including himself, that he’s not gay is a mystery. “Did you notice they’re opening a new restaurant at South Coast Plaza?” he said in a voice as gay as Christmas. “They’ll be serving only locally grown food. I was on my way to the Apple Store . . .” Now I’m not saying that every man who cares about where his food is grown or owns an Apple product is gay but . . . “I own an Apple product,” my son says. “Yeah, an iPod,” I reply. “That’s okay. That’s mainstream.” Read more →

Finer Things

As we’re driving home from Extra Mile, I ask my son, “How’s that Icee?” “Good,” he says. “What flavor did you go with?” “Pineapple Mango.” “It makes me feel good to be able to provide my son with the finer things in life.” “A 99-cent Icee?” “Fine things don’t have to cost a lot of money.” Read more →

Cooking Tips (Given the Unidirectional Nature of Time)

“How long would you microwave this for?” my son asks, holding a bowl of refried beans and chopped chicken. “I’d start out with a minute,” I say. “A minute?!” “Yeah. Is that too much?” “It’s too little.” “Well, I’d rather start out by undercooking the food a little bit because I can always cook it some more, whereas once I’ve fried it into a flaming gob, I don’t have any recourse.” “You’re weak,” he says. “Okay, do it your way, Volcano Joe.” Read more →

Twitter: 2009-12-18

RT @capricecrane: "Twitter" was the most used word of 2009. Numbers two and three were "I'm" and "broke." # RT @Aimee_B_Loved: Sometimes I drive between lanes and pretend my car is Pacman gobbling up the dashed lines. # RT @FakeAPStylebook: Use "can of whup-ass" only, as whup-ass is not sold in jars, squeeze tubes or resealable bags. # RT @RogervonOech: Never state a problem to yourself in the same terms as it was brought to you. [More at:] http://j.mp/cthirsh # RT @HarvardBiz: Government Health Care: Like the Postal Service? http://bit.ly/4IzozI # RT @capricecrane: I don't know how your car got dented. Maybe it's God saying you shouldn't have cut me off for that parking space. Or me. # RT @diablocody: Eating a gingerbread house for breakfast. A new low. # RT @capricecrane: According to Billboard: "Nickelback: 'Band of the decade.'" That's all. Enjoy the apocalypse. # RT @TheOnion: "Why do… Read more →

Dogs Are Smarter Than Cats

My dad is of the opinion that cats are “smarter” than dogs. Not coincidentally, he and my mom own a couple of cats, one of which was sitting next to his chair at Thanksgiving dinner. Dad decided to share some turkey with the cat. He stood up with a piece of turkey, showed it to the cat, than walked out to the kitchen and dropped it in the cat’s food dish. When he returned to his chair, the cat was still sitting there. Never moved. “That is one stupid cat,” I said. “Well, he’s three-quarters blind,” my dad said, although he didn’t say how he could possibly know that. “If my dog was here, he would have jumped up and eaten your whole dinner the second you left the room.” Read more →

Twitter: 2009-11-11

RT @MOCAlosangeles: MOCA ? YOU! Complimentary Museum Admission | SUNDAY, NOV 15–FRIDAY, NOV 20 | more info at http://bit.ly/46urQb # If Jimmy cracks corn, and no one cares, why does he keep doing it? # No hell, no dignity, no hope. Have a great day! # My wife's in LA at the Thai markets. She'll bring back those little coconut pancakes. I love coconut pancakes! # Read more →

Orange County Restaurant Week, Sep 13-19

Special prix fixe menus from participating restaurants: $20 Dinner Menus $30 Dinner Menus $40 Dinner Menus You can’t go wrong with Orange Hill or Anaheim White House, in this reviewer’s opinion . . . Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-27

RT @PeteCarroll: congrats to matt barkley on being named our starting qb… let's rip it matt! http://bit.ly/o7hbG (@USCRipsIt) # RT @OCWeekly: We round up our top five favorite things to eat at Disneyland: What'd we miss? http://bit.ly/15dKgE # Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-23

@ReporterHaley Love the food at Lucille's. And they make a very good mint julep… in reply to ReporterHaley # RT @capricecrane: I was trying to make exercising fun but apparently after a certain age its no longer "appropriate" to play Ding Dong Ditch # Read more →

Microwave Instructions

“There are no microwave instructions,” my son says, looking over a frozen pizza box. I say, “You want microwave instructions? Put it in the oven and turn it on. Aren’t those pretty much the microwave instructions for anything?” Read more →

Twitter: 2009-08-01

"Clean and sober Andy Dick ready to invade O.C." http://bit.ly/lGfMb #bottomstoriesoftheday # CPK now lists calories on the menus. Suicide! Even the salads are over 1000! # RT @diablocody: Intrigued by full-service "dental spa." Tired of making separate trips for tooth bleaching and anal bleaching. # Read more →

Stick a Fork In It

As reported in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition yesterday, the British-commissioned survey, which took its findings from 55 studies made in the past 50 years, claims that eating organic food “will make no important difference to a persons overall health.” — OC Weekly This will come as a blow to the idiots standing in line at Whole Foods to pay 10 dollars for a slice of cheese . . . Read more →

International Cuisine

We’re dropping our 15-year-old son off at LAX. He’s flying to Australia for a couple weeks to visit his cousins. He’s explaining his theory of international cuisine, which is that there’s not going to be any Mexican food in Australia because there are no Mexicans in Australia. On the other hand, they probably have New Zealand food that those of us in the States have never heard about. “That’s why it’s important to travel,” I say, “so you can learn about things like that. Or you could just stay home and watch the Travel Channel.” Read more →

Eating Buffalo Wings in Buffalo

Our flight out of Buffalo was delayed by gusty winds so we ducked into Anchor Bar at the airport for an order of buffalo wings. The Anchor Bar wings come with five sauce options: mild, medium, hot, spicy bar-b-que or suicidal. I asked the waitress, “The ‘suicidal’ wings — who’s responsible if they result in my actual death?” “Oh they’re not like that,” she said. “There’s other places in Buffalo that serve wings a lot hotter. Oh my gosh, if you actually died?” “You could use that in your advertising: ‘A guy actually died eating these wings!’” “I’ll keep the defibrillator handy.” We gave the suicidal wings their day in court. We liked them. Like the waitress said, they actually weren’t as hot as the wings I’ve had at some other places, despite the small kernels of red and black pepper that are actually in the sauce and on the… Read more →

Team Bonding and an Amazing Coincidence

Yesterday’s team bonding activities included miniature golf, pizza and a midnight screening of Brüno, all within walking distance of the hotel. After the movie, the kids walked to McDonalds. It was closed. The drive-thru was still open, but they didn’t have a car. Just then — in an amazing cross-continental coincidence — Eddie, the manager of our local rink in Irvine, pulled into the drive-thru, and the kids got him to buy them all ice cream cones . . . Read more →

A Partly Eaten Cobb Salad from IHOP

As I get home from work, my wife greets me with what looks like a leftover, partly eaten Cobb salad . . . “We went to IHOP,” she says, “and we got this for you.” “Oh, thanks,” I say. “Thanks for thinking of me.” Later in the evening I catch up with my son and ask him what he had to eat at IHOP. “I had a steak omelet and pancakes,” he says. “That sounds really good. I wanted to thank you for treating me to the half-eaten Cobb salad.” “Mom said you’d like that,” he says. “And that was pretty much a whole Cobb salad.” “It looked partly eaten to me.” “The bacon was partly eaten.” “That’s the best part of the salad.” Read more →

The Life of a Soybean

Here’s one of my colleagues in the break room, making a sandwich and pouring a small carton of something down the sink . . . “What are you pouring out?” I ask. “Soy milk,” she says. “I didn’t drink it soon enough. I’m wasting the life of a soybean.” “Wow . . . when you put it that way, it sounds pretty upsetting.” “It is!” she says. “I’m distraught! That’s why I’m eating.” Read more →

« Previous PageNext Page »