EppsNet

• A point of view can be a dangerous luxury when substituted for insight and understanding — Marshall McLuhan #
• Reading _Love in the Time of Cholera_ to prepare for the swine flu epidemic #

I’ve been downgraded from an ear infection to a “full-blown” ear infection. Last week, the doctor at walk-in urgent care gave me an Amoxicillin prescription and told me to come back if the symptoms didn’t improve in four or five days.

They didn’t, but I went to a different walk-in clinic this afternoon to work a second opinion into the process. The doctor gave me a prescription for Levaquin to replace the Amoxicillin.

I know, nobody cares about this. I only mention it because it reminded me of something important.

I was a consultant for many years and I’m going to share with you now one of the axioms of consulting:

Whatever the client is doing, advise them to do something else.

If whatever they’ve been doing was working, they wouldn’t need a consultant, right?

Is Levaquin “better” than Amoxicillin for ear infections? No, but you see what I’m getting at.

I. At home

I tell my son I’m going to the urgent care walk-in clinic.

“What for?” he asks.

“I want to find out why I’ve gone deaf in my left ear.”

“You’ve got an ear infection,” he says. “I had one when I came back from Thailand. I was also coughing 24/7 so I had to take this insane cough syrup and ear infection pills.”

“I’m not coughing 24/7. I’ve got a lot of congestion though.”

“You’ll just get the ear infection pills then.”

“When you took them, could you feel your ear canal cracking open? Man, that’s the best! It’s almost worth it to have a clogged passage just to feel it cracking open again.”

“Yeah, but it takes a couple of days.”

II. At the doctor’s office

The nurse takes my blood pressure. “100 over 60,” she says.

“Is that good?” I ask. (I already know it’s good . . . I just want to hear her acknowledge that, even though I’m much older than she is, I’m in excellent physical condition and could undoubtedly satisfy her sexually.)

“Yes. Now I’m going to take your pulse.” She takes it and writes it down on the chart.

“What was it?” I ask.

“Sixty-four.”

“Is that good?”

“Yes. The doctor will be right in.”

The doctor looks in my ear and tells me I have an ear infection. She gives me a prescription for antibiotics and recommends Sudafed — “the kind you have to ask for” — for the congestion.

III. At the Pharmacy

I pick up my prescription and I ask the pharmacist for Sudafed.

“What kind?” he asks.

“The kind you have to ask for.”

(A couple of years ago, the original Sudafed, and all other products containing pseudoephedrine (PSE), was moved “behind the counter” by federal legislation because PSE can be used to produce methamphetamine, also known as crystal meth. The over-the-counter version of Sudafed is now called Sudafed PE and contains phenylephrine instead of PSE.)

So the pharmacist brings the Sudafed, asks for a photo ID, and says, “You have to initial the form there to indicate that you’re not going to resell it.”

“Really? How much do you think I could get for it?”

“Kids resell them at clubs for 3 to 10 times market value.”

“Wow. That really highlights my lack of initiative. I’m just hoping it makes the inside of my head feel less like a toasted marshmallow.”

I thought I saw one of the dads from my kid’s high school roller hockey team at L.A. Fitness this morning.

He was riding a stationary bike and there was no way I could get where I wanted to go without walking past him.

Great . . . now I’m going to have to take time out of my workout to acknowledge this guy and talk to him.

I hate talking to people when I’m working out. That’s why I come in here at 5 in the morning — because it’s not crowded and I don’t have to talk to anybody.

If this guy’s going to start coming in at 5 and I have to talk to him every morning — even if it’s just to say hello — I swear to Jesus I’m going to start coming in at 4.

Thank god it wasn’t him after all . . .

October is Sudden Cardiac Arrest (SCA) Awareness Month.

Were you aware of that? I wasn’t.

Now that I am, I’ve got one thing to say to the SCA people: WHO IS ADVISING YOU?! October is Breast Awareness Month! You can’t compete against breasts! Pick another month!

As for cardiac arrest, fuck that noise! I’M A VERY BUSY PERSON! I don’t have time . . . (gasp) . . . I don’t have time . . . for a . . . a herat attardhuhjbzsvggggggggggggggggggggggggg

According to a billboard I saw today, a child is diagnosed with autism every 20 minutes!

That goes to show how little I know about it. I would have thought that once would be enough.

Is he still autistic, doctor?

I’m afraid so, but I’ll check him again in 20 minutes . . .

Souplantation is our favorite family restaurant, but it really does give me the creeps watching fat people at all-you-can-eat buffets.

Tonight there’s a fat guy plodding through the bakery section, loading up on pizza, muffins, etc. He takes one of everything, except the things he takes two of. An obese woman decides that the bowls provided at the dessert bar aren’t big enough, so she brings over a soup tureen and loads it up with frozen yogurt, before slathering on the chocolate chips, peanuts and syrup.

Have you ever wondered why fat people are fat? Neither have I. But for everyone who’s ever said, “I don’t know why I can’t lose weight,” it’s because you’re eating everything that’s not nailed down.

Just in time for Mother’s Day, Save the Children has published its seventh annual State of the World’s Mothers report on newborn mortality.

As usual, the U.S. takes a beating:

Continue reading HW Explains the U.S. Newborn Mortality Rate

My wife’s car has preference settings for each driver. When I drive it, I get in, push a button, and the seat moves into position automatically — no manual effort required

“In the future, people are going to be really fat,” my son says.

“People are pretty fat now,” I point out.

“They’re going to be fatter because they don’t have to do anything.”

“George Jetson isn’t fat.”

“He’s kind of fat.”

“He’s not fat.”

“Maybe I’m thinking of Fred Flintstone.”

“Fred Flintstone is fat, but he’s from the past — which kind of discredits your theory, if you think about it.”

NEW YORK — The company started by the late nutrition guru Dr. Robert C. Atkins to promote a low-carb lifestyle has filed for bankruptcy court protection, a further sign of the waning popularity of the diet.

— Low-Carb Pioneer Atkins Files Chapter 11

Yippee! Maybe common sense isn’t completely dead in America after all.

Slate summarizes an article from the American Journal of Cardiology (emphasis added):

Transcendental meditation may prevent death from hypertension. In a study, hypertensive elderly people who used TM were 23 percent to 30 percent less likely to die than those who relied on other relaxation methods or drugs.

What is the difference between transcendental meditation and regular meditation? It must be pretty good if it makes people “less likely to die.”

James Brown has prostate cancer

— CNN.com

The Globe and Mail reports that a “small but determined group of computer geeks [is] trying to translate open-source software into African languages, in an effort to reach the continent most isolated by the digital divide.”

Continue reading Into the Digital Abyss

Obesity Could Be More Widespread Than Thought

— New York Sun

I believe that. I run into a lot more fat people than thoughtful people . . .

Dr. Robert Atkins, who died last year, made a nice living promoting the effects of diet — specifically, a high-fat, low-carbohydrate diet — on health.

According to his widow, however, Atkins’ own history of heart attack, congestive heart failure and hypertension was “completely unrelated to his diet.”

Go figure . . .

When I do my stretching regimen at the gym, I don’t have a self-appointed, jive-talking personal trainer, age 10:

— You call dat a stretch? We got a big problem here.

— Is dat da best you can do?

— What in da name a Jimmy da Jet kind of a stretch is dat?
— Who’s Jimmy the Jet?
— I dunno. Who is he?

I’ve been reading Bruce Lee’s Tao of Jeet Kune Do, in which he says that most athletes are not willing to drive themselves hard enough, and that only through extraordinary effort can one unlock the potential of the human body.

Continue reading A Bruce Lee Christmas

Is $1 million really better than a good cup of coffee?

Someone has trademarked the phrase “The Latte Factor,” referring to his claim that you could save the $3.50 a day you’re spending on little things like coffee, invest it, and wind up with millions of dollars.

I don’t doubt that under a certain set of assumptions, that’s true — although under another set of assumptions, you could invest the money and lose it all, in which case you’ve got no lattes and no money).

Continue reading The Latte Factor

Dr. Robert Atkins, creator of the high-fat, low-carb “Atkins Diet,” died today, not from a heart attack or stroke, as I’d hoped, but by slipping on a sidewalk outside his office.

Maybe that crazy diet affects your balance . . .