I Don’t Believe in God, I Believe in Vouchers

 

We spent a few days in Orlando . . . coming back to Orange County, we had a connecting flight booked through Atlanta. The Orlando flight was supposed to take off at 3:20 p.m. but there was (allegedly) a tornado watch in effect, which delayed the flight until 4:30, then 5:30, then 6:15.

By that time, we were guaranteed of missing the connecting flight in Atlanta, so we rebooked on an 8:50 flight from Atlanta to Orange County, the last Orange County flight of the night. Unfortunately, the flight from Orlando to Atlanta was delayed again, didn’t take off until 7:30, and we missed the 8:50 flight.

Delta Airlines

There were weather issues throughout the Southeast, a lot of flights were delayed or cancelled, and the line we had to stand in at the Delta customer service center was very, very long. We were already able to use the Delta app to book a flight from Atlanta to Orange County for the next morning, so really all we wanted was a voucher for a hotel room to stay the night.

After a couple of hours in line, we made it to the front, where a young man offered to book us on a flight the next day.

“Thanks,” I said, “but we already did that. We just want to get a voucher for a hotel room because we’re stuck here for the night.”

After some consultation with his colleagues, he informed us that Delta only gives vouchers when the delay is their own fault, e.g., a maintenance issue, a crew member doesn’t show up, etc.

“Which never happens,” I said. “Delays are always weather.”

“Usually they’re weather,” he conceded. “But weather is considered an act of God and it’s out of our control, so we don’t give vouchers.”

“Well, see, I don’t believe in God. I believe in vouchers. And if there were a God, he would want me to have a voucher. What would Jesus do?”

Maybe I was hitting him with too much rapid-fire theology because he didn’t respond, so I helped him with the answer: “Jesus would give me the voucher.”

I could have gone on with this for some time, but I couldn’t see any scenario that ended with us getting the voucher so we gave up and left.

We talked over our options, but by that time, it was 1 a.m. and we had a 9 a.m. flight, so it probably didn’t make sense to try to book a hotel, get a shuttle, check in, pay for the room, sleep a few hours, then get a shuttle back, go through airport security again, etc.

That’s the way the process works. According to our boarding pass, a Delta aircraft was going to leave the Orlando airport at 3:20 p.m. but it didn’t. The passengers had to wait four hours for the plane to take off, as a result of which, many of us missed our connecting flight in Atlanta because the connecting flights went out right on time. Passengers have to wait for the airline, but the airline will not wait for the passengers.

In fact, it’s a windfall for the airline because I assume they sold the seats that were supposed to be occupied by delayed Orlando passengers to standby fliers. Essentially, they sold the same seats twice.

And don’t get the idea that there was a tornado sweeping through Orlando. I’m sure Delta had access to more weather data than I did and they decided it wasn’t safe to fly to Atlanta any earlier than they did. But how safe does it have to be? There are no sure things in life. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

The weather in Orlando looked fine to me. There were no “acts of God” going on. It wasn’t even raining.

Maybe some people can fall asleep on the floor of an airport but I can’t. I tried but I was awake all night. I did have some fun walking around saying “Thanks for flying Delta” to other stranded passengers.

Actually the whole vacation was an exercise in sleep deprivation. We took what I guess you could call a “red eye” into Orlando, leaving Orange County at 7:50 p.m. with a layover in Salt Lake City, and arriving in Orlando at 6 a.m. the next morning.

Again, some people can sleep on airplanes, but I cannot fall asleep in a sitting position.

And finally, I don’t want to leave you with the impression that I didn’t enjoy the vacation because I did. I hate travel, but not because I don’t enjoy being in a new place; it’s mostly the overhead of going to and fro.

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