What could go wrong here? Criminal minds + coding skills = ??? One of my favorite Mr. Boffo cartoons shows a gang of robbers in a bank in the Old West . . . one of the robbers says to another, “Someday this will all be done by computer.” What an inspiring program to solve a big and growing U.S. problem. Posted by Code.org on Sunday, February 21, 2016 Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Crime
Learn How to Get a Man From a Woman With 14 Husbands
My first thought was that this woman should write a book. There are a lot of books out there about how to get a man, how to get a husband . . . how does one assess the credibility of the advice? Normally a woman who’s markedly overweight and doesn’t have a single attractive feature can’t even get a date, let alone alone a husband, and yet this woman’s had 14 of them! How does she do it?! Who wouldn’t like to know her secret? I would! Paste her grinning mug on the cover — the woman with 14 husbands! — and the book sells itself. Her upcoming jail term should give her plenty of time to write it. Read more →
The Last Straw
It’s never just one thing. Incidents accumulate over time. We’d all murder our spouses if we lived long enough . . . Read more →
Carjacking Diversity
Carjacking is like STEM in that it’s a profession in which women are seriously underrepresented so I celebrate this woman as a champion of diversity and inclusiveness. Read more →
Suspect’s Outburst Stuns Courtroom!
I clicked through on this . . . it turns out he’s on trial for murdering two police officers . . . and people are stunned by his irrational behavior? His lack of self-control? An outburst?! In a courtroom?! What a breach of decorum! Read more →
Women Need to Get Into New Professions Where They Can Be Shot
A man in Texas shot two people breaking into his home, which probably wouldn’t be terribly newsworthy except that the two people were both women. Armed robbery is like technology and engineering in that it’s a profession in which women are seriously underrepresented so I endorse this as a step forward for diversity and inclusiveness. Read more →
Giving Clergy the Benefit of the Doubt
Seattle Archdiocese to pay $12 million to settle child sex abuse claims — MSN News Giving them the benefit of the doubt, maybe they didn’t know that sex with children is wrong. Read more →
Don’t Apologize
Good for her! I’m tired of people’s phony apologies for doing or saying something they damn well meant to do or say. In fact, not only did she not apologize, she added an additional zinger: “One of them has a book deal. Neither are in a psych ward. They’re okay. I bet you within 3 years one of them will be on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’” Read more →
Death Row Headlines We’d Like to See
I saw this headline on MSN News this morning: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Rapper Here’s an undated photo of the musical murderer: The fact that he was an aspiring rapper seems comically irrelevant to the fact that he was convicted of slitting a man’s throat — which didn’t kill him — and then stabbing him — which did. Some future Death Row headlines we might expect to see from MSN: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Comic with 37 Twitter Followers Texas Set to Execute Amateur Banjo Player Texas Set to Execute Man With Irritating Laugh Read more →
A (Nearly) Perfect Murder
A Montana woman was charged on Monday with killing her husband of eight days by pushing him off a cliff at Glacier National Park during an argument and after expressing doubts about the marriage, court records show. Jordan Graham, 22, was charged with second-degree murder in U.S. District Court in Missoula stemming from the July 7 death of her husband, Cody Johnson, 25, of Kalispell. . . . Graham on July 11 reported to emergency dispatchers at Glacier National Park that she had found her husband’s body below a steep hiking path. It was not immediately clear how far he had fallen. Graham later admitted to authorities that she had lied about Johnson’s death and that she had shoved him off a cliff during an argument while hiking. — “Newlywed pushes husband off cliff after 8 days of marriage: court records” – NBCNews.com Jordan Graham taking a page from my… Read more →
Were They Boxers?
via Click Orlando Read more →
Profiling
The office park where my a friend of mine works was burglarized over the weekend. Surveillance cameras captured the whole operation. “They were Mexicans,” he said. “They look like professionals. They were wearing hats and jackets so you couldn’t see their build or anything.” “So how are you identifying them as Mexicans if you couldn’t see them?” I asked. “Because they were stealing stuff?” Read more →
Praying vs. Screaming: A Comparative Analysis
Did you hear about these three women in Cleveland who were kidnapped and held in a house for 10 years? They were rescued on Monday of this week when one of the women screamed through a small opening in the front door, “I need help! I need help! I have been kidnapped for 10 years.” Two men in the neighborhood heard her screaming, kicked the door in and the women were able to escape. (Why it took 10 years to think up the Scream for Help strategy, I don’t know. I wish the reporter had asked about that.) A childhood friend of one of the women said, “I’m so thankful, God is good. I’ve been praying. Never forgot about her, ever.” So let’s see . . . 10 years of prayer = no results. Screaming for help = instant results. I know some wiseass is going to say that prayer… Read more →
Now You Know Why Democrats Oppose Voter ID Laws
In a story ignored by the national media, in April a Tunica County, Miss., jury convicted NAACP official Lessadolla Sowers on 10 counts of fraudulently casting absentee ballots. Sowers received a five-year prison term for each of the 10 counts, but Circuit Court Judge Charles Webster permitted Sowers to serve those terms concurrently, according to the Tunica Times, the only media outlet to cover the sentencing. Sowers was found guilty of voting in the names of Carrie Collins, Walter Howard, Sheena Shelton, Alberta Pickett, Draper Cotton and Eddie Davis. She was also convicted of voting in the names of four dead persons: James L. Young, Dora Price, Dorothy Harris, and David Ross. — Mississippi NAACP leader sent to prison for 10 counts of voter fraud | The Daily Caller Read more →
You’ll Never Take Me Alive
Ex-con who reportedly vowed not to be taken alive shot to death — LA Daily News To live outside the law you must be honest, as Bob Dylan has rightly pointed out. He may have been a violent, drug-addled thief, but he was a man of his word, and that’s important. Read more →
Things to Do in Cincinnati When You’re Bored
Cops: Teens beat man because ‘they were just bored’ — NBCNews.com Strange piece of “journalism” from NBC News . . . basically just a rewrite of a story in the Cincinnati Enquirer in which a 45-year-old man named Pat Mahaney received a senseless, brutal beating from six boys, ages 13 and 14: Mahaney was taken to Mercy Mount Airy Hospital, where he was treated for four days before being released Tuesday. Police said doctors had to insert a tube down his throat to remove all of the blood from his stomach. A tube remained in his right nostril as blood continued to seep out of his head, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported, and his left eye is heavily blackened. Police said the teens admitted that Mahaney had done nothing to provoke being kicked and punched repeatedly in the face while he lay helpless on the ground. One of the boys allegedly… Read more →
Your Neighbors’ Criminal Activity Presents a Business Opportunity
America is the land of opportunity. While some Americans sit around whining about 1 Percenters, rising young innovator Matthew Creed of Kansas has figured out how to turn publically available data into a money maker: post the names, mug shots and addresses of arrestees on a web site and offer to remove the information for a $200 fee. And by the way, he’s only operating in Johnson County, Kansas, so the market is wide open for other budding entrpreneurs who want to apply the same business model in their own area. Read more →
Get What You Want
NEW YORK (CNNMoney) — Occupy Wall Street is on the move … uptown. Why uptown? Because that’s where the rich folks live! — CNNMoney I’d have more respect for these rubes if they marched to the homes and looted them. That’s what they want, right? Forced redistribution of assets? Break into the homes, beat people over the head and take their stuff. Fuck their wives, drink their scotch, smoke their cigars, put your feet on their desks. Liberté, égalité, fraternité! Don’t just stand there waving signs like a bunch of losers. What problem is that intended to solve? Read more →
The Most Interesting Man in the World?
UPLAND, Pa. (AP) — Two pregnant women were allegedly involved in a fight in which one slashed two other people inside a Philadelphia-area hospital room. Upland police say the pregnant women, ages 21 and 22, were fighting with a woman and a teenage girl inside a room at Crozer-Chester Medical Center on Tuesday afternoon. Upland police Chief John Easton says the women were all visiting a male patient who is recovering from a gunshot wound. — Police: Pregnant Woman Slashes 2 Inside Crozer-Chester Medical Center « CBS Philly Read more →
I’ve Got an Idea for a TV Show
MEXICO (PIX11) — Mexican drug traffickers are abducting bus passengers and forcing them to fight each other like gladiators according to published reports. The winners of the fights are then ordered to become assassins. — Mexican Cartel Force Gladiator Fights and Suicide Missions – WPIX This would make GREAT television! I’m pitching it as a reality show/game show hybrid. Working title: Who Wants to be a Mexican Hit Man? Read more →