EppsNet Archive: Crime

Don’t Apologize

Good for her! I’m tired of people’s phony apologies for doing or saying something they damn well meant to do or say. In fact, not only did she not apologize, she added an additional zinger: “One of them has a book deal. Neither are in a psych ward. They’re okay. I bet you within 3 years one of them will be on ‘Dancing with the Stars.’” Read more →

Death Row Headlines We’d Like to See

I saw this headline on MSN News this morning: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Rapper Here’s an undated photo of the musical murderer: The fact that he was an aspiring rapper seems comically irrelevant to the fact that he was convicted of slitting a man’s throat — which didn’t kill him — and then stabbing him — which did. Some future Death Row headlines we might expect to see from MSN: Texas Set to Execute Aspiring Comic with 37 Twitter Followers Texas Set to Execute Amateur Banjo Player Texas Set to Execute Man With Irritating Laugh Read more →

A (Nearly) Perfect Murder

A Montana woman was charged on Monday with killing her husband of eight days by pushing him off a cliff at Glacier National Park during an argument and after expressing doubts about the marriage, court records show. Jordan Graham, 22, was charged with second-degree murder in U.S. District Court in Missoula stemming from the July 7 death of her husband, Cody Johnson, 25, of Kalispell. . . . Graham on July 11 reported to emergency dispatchers at Glacier National Park that she had found her husband’s body below a steep hiking path. It was not immediately clear how far he had fallen. Graham later admitted to authorities that she had lied about Johnson’s death and that she had shoved him off a cliff during an argument while hiking. — “Newlywed pushes husband off cliff after 8 days of marriage: court records” – NBCNews.com Jordan Graham taking a page from my… Read more →

Were They Boxers?

via Click Orlando Read more →

Profiling

The office park where my a friend of mine works was burglarized over the weekend. Surveillance cameras captured the whole operation. “They were Mexicans,” he said. “They look like professionals. They were wearing hats and jackets so you couldn’t see their build or anything.” “So how are you identifying them as Mexicans if you couldn’t see them?” I asked. “Because they were stealing stuff?” Read more →

Praying vs. Screaming: A Comparative Analysis

Did you hear about these three women in Cleveland who were kidnapped and held in a house for 10 years? They were rescued on Monday of this week when one of the women screamed through a small opening in the front door, “I need help! I need help! I have been kidnapped for 10 years.” Two men in the neighborhood heard her screaming, kicked the door in and the women were able to escape. (Why it took 10 years to think up the Scream for Help strategy, I don’t know. I wish the reporter had asked about that.) A childhood friend of one of the women said, “I’m so thankful, God is good. I’ve been praying. Never forgot about her, ever.” So let’s see . . . 10 years of prayer = no results. Screaming for help = instant results. I know some wiseass is going to say that prayer… Read more →

Now You Know Why Democrats Oppose Voter ID Laws

In a story ignored by the national media, in April a Tunica County, Miss., jury convicted NAACP official Lessadolla Sowers on 10 counts of fraudulently casting absentee ballots. Sowers received a five-year prison term for each of the 10 counts, but Circuit Court Judge Charles Webster permitted Sowers to serve those terms concurrently, according to the Tunica Times, the only media outlet to cover the sentencing. Sowers was found guilty of voting in the names of Carrie Collins, Walter Howard, Sheena Shelton, Alberta Pickett, Draper Cotton and Eddie Davis. She was also convicted of voting in the names of four dead persons: James L. Young, Dora Price, Dorothy Harris, and David Ross. — Mississippi NAACP leader sent to prison for 10 counts of voter fraud | The Daily Caller Read more →

You’ll Never Take Me Alive

Ex-con who reportedly vowed not to be taken alive shot to death — LA Daily News To live outside the law you must be honest, as Bob Dylan has rightly pointed out. He may have been a violent, drug-addled thief, but he was a man of his word, and that’s important. Read more →

Things to Do in Cincinnati When You’re Bored

Cops: Teens beat man because ‘they were just bored’ — NBCNews.com Strange piece of “journalism” from NBC News . . . basically just a rewrite of a story in the Cincinnati Enquirer in which a 45-year-old man named Pat Mahaney received a senseless, brutal beating from six boys, ages 13 and 14: Mahaney was taken to Mercy Mount Airy Hospital, where he was treated for four days before being released Tuesday. Police said doctors had to insert a tube down his throat to remove all of the blood from his stomach. A tube remained in his right nostril as blood continued to seep out of his head, the Cincinnati Enquirer reported, and his left eye is heavily blackened. Police said the teens admitted that Mahaney had done nothing to provoke being kicked and punched repeatedly in the face while he lay helpless on the ground. One of the boys allegedly… Read more →

Your Neighbors’ Criminal Activity Presents a Business Opportunity

America is the land of opportunity. While some Americans sit around whining about 1 Percenters, rising young innovator Matthew Creed of Kansas has figured out how to turn publically available data into a money maker: post the names, mug shots and addresses of arrestees on a web site and offer to remove the information for a $200 fee. And by the way, he’s only operating in Johnson County, Kansas, so the market is wide open for other budding entrpreneurs who want to apply the same business model in their own area. Read more →

Get What You Want

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) — Occupy Wall Street is on the move … uptown. Why uptown? Because that’s where the rich folks live! — CNNMoney I’d have more respect for these rubes if they marched to the homes and looted them. That’s what they want, right? Forced redistribution of assets? Break into the homes, beat people over the head and take their stuff. Fuck their wives, drink their scotch, smoke their cigars, put your feet on their desks. Liberté, égalité, fraternité! Don’t just stand there waving signs like a bunch of losers. What problem is that intended to solve? Read more →

The Most Interesting Man in the World?

UPLAND, Pa. (AP) — Two pregnant women were allegedly involved in a fight in which one slashed two other people inside a Philadelphia-area hospital room. Upland police say the pregnant women, ages 21 and 22, were fighting with a woman and a teenage girl inside a room at Crozer-Chester Medical Center on Tuesday afternoon. Upland police Chief John Easton says the women were all visiting a male patient who is recovering from a gunshot wound. — Police: Pregnant Woman Slashes 2 Inside Crozer-Chester Medical Center « CBS Philly Read more →

I’ve Got an Idea for a TV Show

MEXICO (PIX11) — Mexican drug traffickers are abducting bus passengers and forcing them to fight each other like gladiators according to published reports. The winners of the fights are then ordered to become assassins. — Mexican Cartel Force Gladiator Fights and Suicide Missions – WPIX This would make GREAT television! I’m pitching it as a reality show/game show hybrid. Working title: Who Wants to be a Mexican Hit Man? Read more →

Crime and Showbiz

I do think that crime and show business have never been more closely aligned. I don’t know if there has ever been a time where criminal arrests are worth as much in terms of $$ as going on a publicity tour or being in a movie. — Merrill Markoe Read more →

Ouch!

Cops: Porn actor kills 1, hurts 2 in L.A. — msnbc.com This guy must be incredibly well-built — wait, what? Read more →

Bottom Story of the Day

Director Polanski feels depressed in jail: lawyer — Yahoo! News Read more →

Unfair to Dogs

California man suspected of murdering wife, dog arrested at Peace Arch — Bellingham Herald Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning! Here’s what I don’t understand: If a California man is suspected of killing his wife, why would they arrest a dog at the Peace Arch? It doesn’t make sense and it’s not fair to the dog. I’m going to stop reading the news. It’s too upsetting . . . — Lightning Read more →

HW ‘s Book Reviews: In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

Gayest. Crime Story. Ever. Read more →

Be on the Lookout for a Hardened Criminal

Man arrested may be linked to Viagra theft — OCRegister.com Read more →

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