EppsNet Archive: Basketball

Which Experts Predicted a UConn-Kentucky Title Game?

8 Apr 2014 /
UConn logo

PunditTracker tracked March Madness 2014 brackets for 26 “experts” from ESPN, Yahoo, Sports Illustrated and CBS Sports, plus President Obama.

Number of pundits who picked UConn to win the tournament: Zero.

Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the final game: Zero.

Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the Final Four: Zero.

Number of pundits who picked either UConn or Kentucky to reach the Elite Eight: Zero.


INSANE Backyard Trick Shots

25 Apr 2013 /

Jerry Buss, 1933-2013

18 Feb 2013 /

I’m sad. As a lifelong Laker fan, I kind of feel like I knew the guy. He bought the Lakers in 1979, which means he was younger than I am today, and now he’s dead at the age of 80. I feel old.

Dr. Buss was a USC alum. Fight on.

R.I.P. Jerry Buss

jerry-buss


USC 75, UCLA 71 (OT)

31 Jan 2013 /
USC logo

Sorry to spoil Reggie Miller Jersey Retirement Night at the new Pauley Pavilion, but you should know better than to schedule these things against the Men of Troy.

FIGHT ON!


Why Kyrie Irving is a Better Basketball Player Than Anyone in My Family

16 Jan 2013 /
Kyrie Irving

Kyrie Irving

My son (age 19) and I are driving to Staples Center to see the Lakers take on the Cleveland Cavaliers, listening to the pre-game show on the radio. Because the Cavs are basically a one-man roster, and that one man is Kyrie Irving, there’s a lot of talk about Irving on the pre-game.

One of the analysts offers up his opinion that Irving is as good as he is at such a young age (he’s 20) because Irving’s dad was hard on him as a kid and pushed him and didn’t let him take breaks.

As always, when the topic of someone’s dad bullying him to greatness comes up, the boy gives me a melancholy look to say that my lack of abusiveness as a parent is the reason he’s not a professional athlete. “You let me take breaks,” he says.

“You know,” I say, “I think for every guy who says, ‘My dad wouldn’t let me back in the house until I made 100 layups with each hand and now I’m in the NBA,’ there’s 900 other guys whose dads tried the same shit and these guys got nowhere and now they’re extremely angry about it. You just never hear from those 900 guys because they’re nowhere, as I just said.”


I Have Kids Older Than NBA Players

19 Dec 2012 /

My boy, a college sophomore, and I are watching the Lakers play the Charlotte Bobcats on the TV . . .

“Did you know,” he says, “that I’m a full two months older than [Bobcats forward] Michael Kidd-Gilchrist?”

“Hmmm . . . really?”

“He grew more than me.”

Kidd-Gilchrist is 6’7″, 232 lbs. He turned 19 in September.


Dee-FENSE

12 Dec 2012 /

107-2 — Bloomington South girls basketball team beats ArlingtonESPN

They gave up two points?! Who’s coaching the defense, Mike D’Antoni?


The Game Blame Game

22 Jul 2012 /
Washington Bullets uniform

My boy is playing NBA 2K12 and points out that my Where’s Waldo shirt looks like the Washington Wizards (nee Bullets) throwback uniforms.

“Where’s John Wall-do?” he says.

Ha ha. I get my comeback opportunity a few minutes later when his game player passes to a teammate, who scores, but his player doesn’t get credit for an ssist.

“HOW CAN THAT BE ANYTHING BUT AN ASSIST FOR ME?!” he shouts in disbelief. “That’s bad programming.”

“Oh I doubt that,” I say. “The people who program video games are a lot smarter than the people who play them.”


Derrick Williams

24 May 2012 /
Derrick Williams

My boy saw Derrick Williams out and about the other night . . . Williams is from La Mirada (like me!), so it wouldn’t be unusual to spot him in the SoCal area.

“You’re Derrick Williams, right?” the boy said.

“No, that’s not me,” Williams replied.

Williams was cleverly disguised in an Arizona basketball hoodie and Minnesota Timberwolves sweatpants. Oh, and he’s 6-foot-8.


Ashley Corral Wins 3-Pt Competition

30 Mar 2012 /

Things You Can and Can’t Do

21 Feb 2012 /

Chink in the Armor

Things You Can Do

Discriminate against Asians in college admissions.

Things You Can’t Do

Use “Chink in the Armor” as the headline for an article on the New York Knicks.


Jeremy Lin’s Mom

9 Feb 2012 /
WASHINGTON, DC - FEBRUARY 08: Jeremy Lin #17 o...

Jeremy Lin

“My son shot 64% last night?! THAT IS A GRADE OF D! I AM ASHAMED!” — Jeremy Lin‘s mom


UCLA 66, USC 47

19 Jan 2012 /
USC logo

After this debacle of a basketball game, my son, a college freshman, says to me, “I should have gone to USC. I could probably walk on to basketball and make the team.”

“Are you kidding? You could probably walk on and start,” I said.


Keep the damn mouthguard IN your mouth, will ya?

Posted by on 16 Jan 2012

Thank God for Coach K

16 Nov 2011 /
Coaches Bob Knight and Mike Krzyzewski at the ...

Image via Wikipedia

Without whom Duke would be known for nothing more than educating the idiot offspring of our nation’s tobacco barons.

Now that he’s broken the record, are there any grand jury reports waiting to be released?


Is it Good Etiquette to Call Someone a Cocksucker?

27 Sep 2011 /

The rivalry between the Flyers and Rangers turned ugly in a penalty-filled preseason game that also appeared to include a homophobic slur from Philadelphia’s Wayne Simmonds to noted New York agitator Sean Avery.

I suppose that means he called him a faggot. The writer should probably look up the word “homophobic.”

I don’t know exactly when it became out of bounds to call someone a faggot, but I know Kobe Bryant was fined $100,000 for the same thing last season.

Is it okay to call a guy a cocksucker? I think that’s okay. It’s essentially the same thing as calling him a faggot, but I think it’s still okay to call someone a cocksucker.

Or to say “Suck my dick, motherfucker.” In fact, I think you could say “Suck my dick, you motherfucking cunt-lipped cocksucker” and still be within the bounds of decorum.

Just don’t call someone a faggot because that’s offensive.


What Are the Laker Girls Going to Do?

30 Aug 2011 /

The Laker Girls 2011 squad has been selected. (You can watch the auditions.) But with no Laker games, what are they going to do?

Idea: Come over to the office, stand behind me all day and dance around every time I school someone.

“Bob, let me be direct. Your idea has one problem. It’s stupid.”

OHHHHHHH! Loud music! Dancing! Cheering!


Just Like the Pros

27 Jul 2011 /
Above the rim

The boy comes home from somewhere this afternoon . . .

“Where have you been?” I ask him.

“Playing basketball,” he says, as he heads into the kitchen for a beverage.

“I’ve been trying to call you. Why didn’t you pick up your phone?”

“Does Kobe pick up his phone during a game? Neither do I.”


NARCh 2011 – Travel Day

20 Jul 2011 /
Mario Williams

LA to Houston

We’re waiting at LAX for a flight to Houston when a large black man in his 20s sits down near us in the waiting area.

“I could take that guy one-on-one,” my kid announces.

I’m about to mention to him that not every big black dude is necessarily a basketball player when he says, “Wait a minute, isn’t that Mario Williams?”

I have to admit to him that I wouldn’t recognize Mario Williams if I saw him.

He pulls up a photo of Mario Williams on his iPhone. “Yeah,” I say, “that does look like him.”

“And he’s waiting for a flight to Houston? That’s got to be Mario Williams.”

The final clue is that the guy is decked out in Adidas gear from head to toe. A Google search for “mario williams adidas” on the iPhone reveals that Mario Williams has a sponsorship deal with Adidas.

So we’re pretty sure we saw Mario Williams at the airport.

 

Houston to Florida

Continental changed up the seat assignments . . . the boy ends up in Row 8 while I’m back in Row 26.

“I’m way ahead of you,” he says. “I can pick up the rental car and drive to the hotel before you even get off the plane.”


Northwood Basketball 2010-11

17 Jul 2011 /

Don’t be fooled by the title into thinking that you’re going to see pictures of the whole team. No, it’s just my kid . . .


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