EppsNet Archive: Food

Thomas Jefferson on the Midterm Results

 

My fellow Americans – I thought Republicans would fare better than they did in the recent midterm elections. My reasoning was that Joe Biden and his administration have taken so much away from us that Americans would never vote to continue down the same path. Some of my readers may be financially well-to-do. If you fall into that group, I ask that you consider some of what I’m about to say from the perspective of the majority of your countrymen who live near, at or below the median level of income. Biden has taken away the ability to buy a tank of gas at an affordable price. the ability to buy groceries without gasping in shock at the total cost. the ability to retire comfortably. Retirement accounts have been drained due to the performance of the investment markets and inflation rates have gone through the roof. The ability to retire… Read more →

Messaging vs. Reality

 

I live in California. Gavin Newsom’s main flaw is that he’s very stupid. Democrats are not getting destroyed on messaging. I don’t even know what the Republican message is. I know the Democratic message is “MAGA Republicans, extreme MAGA Republicans, fascists.” Now that is a losing message, I grant you, because Democrats who aren’t insane, for whom politics does not play a destructive force in their life, have friends, neighbors, co-workers, family members, etc., who are Republicans and understand that while Republicans have different political views, they aren’t trying to put Democrats in gulags. Democrats are getting destroyed by reality. Republicans are running on GDP, inflation, lying about inflation, recession, lying about recession, gas prices, food prices, stock market, crime, border security, fentanyl deaths, energy independence, foreign policy, supply chain, social corruption, silencing, lies, pronouns and fucking with children. Actually, now that I think about it, maybe the Republicans could… Read more →

Inflation Numbers and Unemployment Numbers

 

Latest inflation report came out today (BLS is the Bureau of Labor Statistics): Annual inflation via BLS just out: 42.9% airline fares33.1% utility gas30.5% eggs18.2% gasoline17.2% chicken15.7% coffee15.2% milk14.7% bread10.1% furniture9.2% vegetables8.2% all items8.2% fruit8.1% ham7.6% women apparel7.2% used cars6.7% rent3.7% men apparel — Ryan Struyk (@ryanstruyk) October 13, 2022 Core inflation excludes energy and food, so we get to say that inflation is at 8.2%, which is still the highest in 40 years, but most of the items on that list are energy and food, and many are a lot higher than 8.2%, so the 8.2% number doesn’t do justice to the enormity of current inflation. Biden economic adviser Jared Bernstein said this: What the president said was that a recession is far from inevitable and I think what he was referring to there is the strength of our job market. Look, you just don’t have a recession when… Read more →

Two Sides to Every Story

 

I hate it when restaurants mess up my order. But then I also hate it when people tell me how to do my job. Two sides to every story. See you in Hell. https://t.co/Gn7kdG1K5z — Paul Epps (@paulepps) August 28, 2022 Read more →

Instagram in Heaven

 

Hi everybody! It’s Lightning! I’m in heaven now but I can still see Instagram reels. Animals are programmed for survival so we eat as much as we can because we don’t know when we’re going to get to eat again. But this dog gives away the big piece of food and only takes the small piece! I would have chowed down the whole stick before the guy even had a chance to cut it. — Lightning View this post on Instagram A post shared by ?The Pet star World? (@thepetstar_world) Read more →

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Paul Epps

Sometimes when I taste the delicious acai berry, I put down my gun and give thanks to a nonexistent God.

Never a Dull Moment

 

“I can’t eat a big lunch because it makes me feel sluggish in the afternoon, you know what I mean?” “No.” “You never eat a big lunch then feel sluggish in the afternoon?” “No, my job is too exciting. Never a dull moment.” Read more →

Why People Are So Messed Up

 

When I was a kid, I had a cousin Kathy, who liked to eat meals one item at a time. For example, if she had what I had last night, which was salmon, spinach and brown rice, she’d eat all of the salmon, then all of the spinach, then all of the rice. Not necessarily in that order but you get the idea. Some adults in our family would get mad that she ate meals that way and would yell at her to stop doing it. Like, what difference could it possibly make to anyone in what order she eats portions of food? Mind your own goddamn business. Bad parenting is probably my hottest of hot buttons. Or as Philip Larkin used to say: They fuck you up, your mum and dad.     They may not mean to, but they do. They fill you with the faults they had     And add… Read more →

Four Existential Questions

 

Can I eat it? Can I have sex with it? Can it kill me? Can I buy it at a discount? Read more →

Christmas In New Orleans

 

French Quarter French Quarter – Cafe du Monde French Quarter – Preservation Hall French Quarter – Bourbon Street Lafayette Cemetery #1 VooDoo BBQ Beau Rivage Resort & Casino (Biloxi, MS) Read more →

Likes and Dislikes

 

Likes Dogs, books, spicy food Dislikes: Systems of thought that reduce the richness of human lives to impersonal laws, systems and numbers. Oxford commas. Read more →

The Art of the Meal

 

We Guarantee You There’s No Problem. Product Name of the Day: "Trump Footlong" https://t.co/KDi9gkH3Io… #naming #startup #trump #chicago pic.twitter.com/JCkST0ZAS6 — Igor Naming Agency (@igornaming) March 13, 2016 Read more →

Accoutrements at the New Office

 

The new office comes with a chef, who seems to see himself like one of those celebrity chefs with the quirky personalities. Not to put a damper on the fun but I like my chefs to be unobstrusive. I just want a bite to eat. I don’t want to manage a new interaction with an eccentric reality show wannabe. Just dish up the grub, man.   We also have a ping-pong table now, which triggers a lengthy discussion of the intricacies of table tennis equipment, conducted for some reason in the midst of a group of people trying to get some work done. Three-star balls? I got your three-star balls right here . . . Thus spoke The Programmer. Read more →

More Words and Phrases I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Before You Die

 

50 Books You Must Read Before You Die, 100 Things You Need to Eat Before You Die, 1000 Places You Must See Before You Die, etc., etc., et goddamn cetera. Why not simply say 50 Books You Must Read, 100 Things You Need to Eat or 1000 Places You Must See? We all understand that we won’t be reading, eating or seeing things AFTER we die. Why do you have to introduce death into the equation? Read more →

Lose the Pastels and the Mopey Attitude

 

Americans love gay people. Since this photo has been posted, it has 60,000 shares, 60,000 comments (including presidential candidates) and 640,000 (that’s six hundred and forty thousand) likes. In the short time since the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling there’s been a national competition to see who can demonstrate the most elation about it. (OK, if you’re gay, a few bad apples will dislike you based on that alone but that’s true if you’re identifiable as a member of any group, which we all are.) I’m afraid about the future. I’m afraid people won’t like me. Leave out the part about being homosexual and you could post a picture of anyone. The percentage of Americans who can’t get through the day without medication — I’m including self-medication via alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, food, etc. — is a lot closer to 100 than it is to zero. Nobody’s life is a fairy… Read more →

Automatic for the People

 

There’s a bag of apples in the kitchen at work, still in the original packaging, which reads “Automatic, Crisp, Juicy.” What is an “automatic” apple? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Hold on a sec . . . on further review, the packaging says “Aromatic” not “Automatic.” Neither one makes a lot of sense. I took one out and found that if I inhaled deeply enough, it smelled a little bit apple-y. Read more →

See You in Hell, Raisin Man

 

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE] Greetings from the underworld! We had a special arrival today! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “There should be a special place in Hell for whoever decided to put raisins in trail mix.” Everything in trail mix is crunchy, except the raisins. The raisins are like shock absorbers. You can’t crunch the crunchy stuff because your teeth get caught on the raisins. Well, guess who’s here? See you in Hell . . . Read more →

Last Night at the Beppo

 

The Buca di Beppo restaurant in Irvine is closing tomorrow. We stopped in this evening for a final meal. It was a sad occasion. Buca has been one of our culinary mainstays for over a decade. Here we are laughing to keep from crying: We had antipasto salad and baked ziti, a very close call over the spicy chicken rigatoni. Read more →

I Slept Late But There’s a Reason for It

 

Think about our distant ancestors . . . energy in the form of food was scarce and hard to obtain. Those who survived had a genetic predisposition to not use energy wastefully but rather to store it up for times when it was really needed. This gave them an evolutionary advantage. And that’s why I slept in and didn’t go to the gym this morning . . . Read more →

People Who Don’t Want Me to Know Things

 

What I want to know is why there are so many people who don’t want me to know things . . . What the 1% Don’t Want Us to Know Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You to Know About 20 Terrifying Facts Food Companies Don’t Want You to Know 11 things the Koch brothers don’t want you to know What hospitals don’t want you to know about C-sections 5 Things Hackers Don’t Want You to Know The Sad Secret Successful People Don’t Want You To Know 7 Rip-Offs Corporations and the Wealthy Don’t Want You to Know About Something Most Christians Don’t Want You to Know 11 Secrets Supermarkets Don’t Want You to Know Conspiracies: Five things they don’t want you to know The 25 Shadiest Things Drug Companies Don’t Want You To Know 11 Secrets Pilots Don’t Want You To Know Bottled Water: 10 Shockers “They” Don’t Want You… Read more →

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