50 Books You Must Read Before You Die, 100 Things You Need to Eat Before You Die, 1000 Places You Must See Before You Die, etc., etc., et goddamn cetera. Why not simply say 50 Books You Must Read, 100 Things You Need to Eat or 1000 Places You Must See? We all understand that we won’t be reading, eating or seeing things AFTER we die.
Notes from the Golden Orange
EppsNet Archive: Food
- Americans love gay people. Since this photo has been posted, it has 60,000 shares, 60,000 comments (including presidential candidates) and 640,000 (that’s six hundred and forty thousand) likes. In the short time since the Supreme Court’s gay marriage ruling there’s been a national competition to see who can demonstrate the most elation about it. (OK, if you’re gay, a few bad apples will dislike you based on that alone but that’s true if you’re identifiable as a member of any group, which we all are.)
- I’m afraid about the future. I’m afraid people won’t like me. Leave out the part about being homosexual and you could post a picture of anyone. The percentage of Americans who can’t get through the day without medication — I’m including self-medication via alcohol, cigarettes, coffee, food, etc. — is a lot closer to 100 than it is to zero. Nobody’s life is a fairy tale, kid.
- How old is this boy? He looks about 10. Is he really old enough to have fully sussed out his own sexuality? Maybe he is but it seems far from certain.
- Find some role models, like Ellen and that Doogie Howser kid. Lose the pastels and the mopey attitude. Dress like a man and keep it peppy.
There’s a bag of apples in the kitchen at work, still in the original packaging, which reads “Automatic, Crisp, Juicy.” What is an “automatic” apple? I’ve never heard of such a thing.
Hold on a sec . . . on further review, the packaging says “Aromatic” not “Automatic.” Neither one makes a lot of sense. I took one out and found that if I inhaled deeply enough, it smelled a little bit apple-y.
[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]
Greetings from the underworld!
We had a special arrival today! I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people say, “There should be a special place in Hell for whoever decided to put raisins in trail mix.”
Everything in trail mix is crunchy, except the raisins. The raisins are like shock absorbers. You can’t crunch the crunchy stuff because your teeth get caught on the raisins.
Well, guess who’s here?
See you in Hell . . .
The Buca di Beppo restaurant in Irvine is closing tomorrow. We stopped in this evening for a final meal. It was a sad occasion. Buca has been one of our culinary mainstays for over a decade. Here we are laughing to keep from crying:
We had antipasto salad and baked ziti, a very close call over the spicy chicken rigatoni.
Think about our distant ancestors . . . energy in the form of food was scarce and hard to obtain. Those who survived had a genetic predisposition to not use energy wastefully but rather to store it up for times when it was really needed. This gave them an evolutionary advantage.
And that’s why I slept in and didn’t go to the gym this morning . . .
What I want to know is why there are so many people who don’t want me to know things . . .
- What the 1% Don’t Want Us to Know
- Natural Cures “They” Don’t Want You to Know About
- 20 Terrifying Facts Food Companies Don’t Want You to Know
- 11 things the Koch brothers don’t want you to know
- What hospitals don’t want you to know about C-sections
- 5 Things Hackers Don’t Want You to Know
- The Sad Secret Successful People Don’t Want You To Know
- 7 Rip-Offs Corporations and the Wealthy Don’t Want You to Know About
- Something Most Christians Don’t Want You to Know
- 11 Secrets Supermarkets Don’t Want You to Know
- Conspiracies: Five things they don’t want you to know
- The 25 Shadiest Things Drug Companies Don’t Want You To Know
- 11 Secrets Pilots Don’t Want You To Know
- Bottled Water: 10 Shockers “They” Don’t Want You to Know
- Simple Health Secrets the Globalists Don’t Want You to Know
- Six things colleges don’t want you to know about financial aid
- What the bad guys don’t want you to know
- What Drug Companies Don’t Want You to Know
- 5 benefit changes the government don’t [sic] want you to know about
- Global warming: what the oil companies don’t want you to know
- 9 Things The Rich Don’t Want You To Know About Taxes
- 5 Scary Food Secrets Manufacturers Don’t Want You to Know
- Five Things They Don’t Want You to Know About Conspiracy Theories
- Tech Secrets: 21 Things ‘They’ Don’t Want You to Know
- The Secret Danger Liberals Don’t Want You to Know
- What Banks Don’t Want You to Know
- 6 Negotiating Secrets Buyers DON’T Want You to Know
- 10 Application Secrets Admissions Officers Don’t Want You to Know
- 8 Dirty Secrets the Car Insurance Companies Don’t Want You to Know
- What cruise lines don’t want you to know
- What bookies don’t want you to know about NFL underdogs
- 5 Secrets Politicians Don’t Want You to Know
And that doesn’t even include all the things that people “won’t tell me.”
A woman comes home from the grocery store with three bags of Lay’s Potato Chips . . .
“These were on sale,” she says. “You buy three bags and each bag is $1.53. You know how much one bag is usually? $4.50. It’s like buying one bag and getting two bags free.”
“How much would it cost if we bought no bags of potato chips?” someone asks.
“That’s not an option.”
Jigokudani Monkey Park (Jigokudani Yaen Koen) is in Yamanouchi, Shimotakai District, Nagano Prefecture, Japan. It is part of the Joshinetsu Kogen National Park (locally known as Shigakogen), and is located in the valley of the Yokoyu-River, in the northern part of the prefecture. The name Jigokudani, meaning “Hell’s Valley”, is due to the steam and boiling water that bubbles out of small crevices in the frozen ground, surrounded by steep cliffs and formidably cold and hostile forests.
The heavy snowfalls (snow covers the ground for 4 months a year), an elevation of 850 metres, and being only accessible via a narrow two kilometre footpath through the forest, keep it uncrowded despite being relatively well-known.
It is famous for its large population of wild Japanese Macaques (Macaca fuscata), more commonly referred to as Snow Monkeys, that go to the valley during the winter, foraging elsewhere in the national park during the warmer months. Starting in 1963, the monkeys descend from the steep cliffs and forest to sit in the warm waters of the onsen (hotsprings), and return to the security of the forests in the evenings.
Today we ventured into the cold and hostile forests above Nagano to visit the legendary snow monkeys.
The monkeys aren’t friendly or unfriendly. They don’t approach you but they don’t try to stay away from you either. They might sit still for a selfie but they won’t smile.
We stayed the night at a ryokan (bed and breakfast) in nearby Yudanaka Onsen, a hot spring resort, where we enjoyed traditional accomodations, including a multi-course Japanese dinner and sleeping on the floor (on tatami mats and futons).
Our room didn’t have beds but it did have a flat-screen TV. There’s a limit to how much deprivation up with which a traveler is willing to put.
The site of Kinkaku-ji was originally a villa called Kitayama-dai, belonging to a powerful statesman, Saionji Kintsune. Kinkaku-ji’s history dates to 1397, when the villa was purchased from the Saionji family by Shogun Ashikaga Yoshimitsu, and transformed into the Kinkaku-ji complex. When Yoshimitsu died, the building was converted into a Zen temple by his son, according to his wishes.
During the Onin war, all of the buildings in the complex aside from the pavilion were burned down. On July 2, 1950, at 2:30 am, the pavilion was burned down by a 22-year-old novice monk, Hayashi Yoken, who then attempted suicide on the Daimon-ji hill behind the building. He survived, and was subsequently taken into custody. The monk was sentenced to seven years in prison, but was released because of mental illnesses (persecution complex and schizophrenia) on September 29, 1955; he died of tuberculosis shortly after in 1956.
The present pavilion structure dates from 1955, when it was rebuilt.
Nishijin Textile Center
Nishijin weaving was created in Kyoto over 1200 years ago by using many different types of colored yarns and weaving them together into decorative designs. These specialized procedures are tedious, but necessary to obtain the spectacular design needed to ensure the quality of Nishijin weaving.
What the blurb above means is that images and patterns are not dyed after the fabric has been produced, the yarn is dyed before weaving, which yields the finest quality but is much harder to create.
We participated in a traditional Japanese tea ceremony, involving the preparation and presentation of matcha, a powdered green tea.
Fun fact: You don’t enter the tea room through that big opening in the front. You sort of crawl in through a small door on the right-hand side, which you can’t see in the photo. There’s a traditional reason for this, something to do with samurai not bringing swords to the tea ceremony (they won’t fit through the little door), but in modern times, it seems a bit of an unnecessary ordeal.
We took the Shinkansen (bullet train) from Kyoto to Atami. These trains run on time. If the board says the train leaves at 3:12, it leaves at 3:12. Don’t show up at 3:13 and wonder where your train went.
In Atami, we enjoyed a traditional Japanese dinner, so traditional that our guide was unsure of what a couple of the items were. Atami is on the eastern coast and has a spectacular fireworks display that they shoot off over the bay.
“Hi, would you like to try our new [insert product name here]?”
“Do you think I’ll like it?”
“Uh, I don’t know.”
“Then why are you recommending it? Don’t you want me to be happy?”
Photo by supjchwa2
“Jack in the Box tacos have to be eaten when they’re hot, so when I buy them at the drive-thru, I also buy a bag of french fries, set the fries on top of the tacos and use them as a taco warmer to keep the tacos hot until I get them home and eat them.”
“Do you eat the fries as well?”
“No, I don’t eat the fries. I just use them to keep the tacos warm.”
“The french fries keep the tacos warm?’
“What keeps the french fries warm?”
Before venturing out of your home to eat in a restaurant, learn to chew with your mouth closed.
This applies whether you’re 7 or 70 . . .
Hi everybody! It’s me, Lightning!
I never have any leftovers when I eat but if I did, I would ask for a doggie bag.
WHAAAAA–?! Thanks, I’ll be here all week!
Years ago, if you wanted to show your friends a picture of your food, you’d have to break out the palette and the easel and paint one. Time-consuming!
Another way life gets better and better thanks to computers . . .
Food trucks have always been the dining option of last resort — “roach coaches” we called them. Now food trucks are considered fashionable cuisine. People actually make an effort to find them and eat from them.
Whoever’s in charge of brand management for the food truck industry has got to be a genius.
Requires labeling of food sold to consumers made from plants or animals with genetic material changed in specified ways. Prohibits marketing such food, or other processed food, as “natural.” Provides exemptions. Fiscal Impact: Increased annual state costs from a few hundred thousand dollars to over $1 million to regulate the labeling of genetically engineered foods. Additional, but likely not significant, governmental costs to address violations under the measure.
Notice this phrase: “Provides exemptions.” In other words, the statute requires certain things and prohibits certain other things — except when it doesn’t.
Not that it matters because $1 million a year isn’t going to buy you a lot of enforcement anyway. Who wrote this proposition, Dr. Evil?
Prop 37 is supported by people who hate freedom and having to think for themselves.
I’m taking a nap upstairs but I’m hearing noises from downstairs. When I hear a noise, I have to estimate how likely it is to be food-related, and how likely it is if I get up and go downstairs I’ll be able to get some of it.
I can stay right here and snooze. That’s a sure thing. Or I can go downstairs and try to get some food. But if I get up and go downstairs and I don’t get any food, then a good nap has been spoiled.
I have to do this estimation every time I hear a noise.
Being a dog is not as easy as people think.