EppsNet Archive: Hollywood

Who Will Scold the Scolders?

11 Nov 2017 /


Oh my! Pants! Are around my ankles!

Of all the smug moralizers in the world, I can’t think of one offhand who can out-smug George Takei. He’s gay, you know, which gives him an elevated moral perch from which to sermonize and pontificate. You don’t like it? Are you a homophobe?

The recent surge in sexual harassment accusations among celebrities and media members, who are themselves usually the ones most likely to be dealing out the admonishments to our nation’s deplorables, is a schadenfreude booster, but it does raise the question of who will be left to scold the scolders?

L’Affaire Weinstein

19 Oct 2017 /
Harvey Weinstein, Chairman, The Weinstein Company

It seems like almost all of the Weinstein shenanigans happened after women accepted an invitation to meet in his hotel room.

Wouldn’t that give you pause if a business associate of the opposite sex (or same sex if you prefer) invited you meet in a hotel room? Why not the lobby? Or the restaurant? Or an office building?

And when he or she comes to the door in a bathrobe, do you say “I’ll come back when you’re dressed”? Or do you go in anyway? Surely you’ve gotten the hint by now . . .

It was evidently well known in the entertainment industry what Weinstein was up to with women in hotel rooms. But it was also well known that Weinstein had advanced the careers of many.

Dilemma! What do you do? How will you explain it to yourself and others?

Yes, I agreed to meet a man in a hotel room . . . yes, he did answer the door in a bathrobe . . . but I was traumatized when he later proposed that I give him a massage!

I thought it was strictly a business meeting! . . . in a hotel room . . . with a person wearing a bathrobe . . .

Who Says Creativity is Dead in Tinseltown?

30 Apr 2016 /
The Angry Birds Movie

Keep reaching for the stars, thespians.

Who Says Creativity is Dead in Tinseltown?

19 Jul 2015 /

“Summer 2015 will see at least 18 sequels, prequels, reboots, spinoffs and adaptations of TV shows and video games . . .”

The rest of the Summer 2015 movies will be sequels, prequels, reboots, spinoffs and adaptations of other movies and comic books.

Movie countdown

Vintage Photos Of Hollywood Dressed Up For Christmas

15 Dec 2013 /

Via LAist:

Hollywood Boulevard

Hollywood Boulevard

The Kind of Outside-the-Box Thinking That Pays Dividends in Hollywood

24 Aug 2013 /

Here’s the kind of outside-the-box thinking that propels executives to the top of Hollywood: Paying a woman for sex is illegal. Paying a woman to act in a sex scene on camera is not.

Not to say there won’t be consequences, but at least you won’t have a prostitution beef on your record.

Roll ’em . . . aaaaand ACTION!

More People I’m Sick Unto Death Of: Diversity Flacks

10 Mar 2013 /
Jon Provost and Lassie

Jon Provost and Lassie

A new study from the American Council on Education shows that the percentages of black, Asian and Hispanic provosts have declined over the past five years.

The Chronicle of Higher Education reports this story under the headline “Falling Diversity of Provosts Signals Challenge for Presidential Pipeline, Study Finds.”


Ha ha . . . but seriously, who even knows what a provost is? I don’t. I’ve vaguely heard of it as an academic job title but that’s about it.

I know that Jon Provost played little Timmy on the Lassie TV series. I know that Marie Prevost was a one-time Mack Sennett bathing beauty and leading lady in the 1920s whose screen glory had faded by the time she died of acute alcoholism in a small Hollywood apartment at the age of 38.

By the way, I notice that Asian students are continuing to excel, even in the absence of Asian provosts. Go figure.

See You in Hell

26 Feb 2012 /

[See You in Hell is a feature by our guest blogger, Satan — PE]

Next year I’m going to live tweet the Oscar In Memoriam segment so I can tell you which celebrities are in Hell.

See you at the movies!

No Photos, Please, of Obama’s L.A. Fundraisers

25 Oct 2011 /
Presidential entourage in Hancock Park

The White House wants you to see President Obama bash the rich, and everyone in the press corps is invited to cover the various rallies and speeches where he claims average people can’t get a break and the wealthy aren’t paying their fair share of taxes.

What the White House doesn’t want you to see is Obama schmoozing the rich so that he can pocket some of their money for his campaign.

So not surprisingly, news photographers were barred from both of Obama’s L.A. fundraisers Monday. . . .

Tickets cost $35,800 per person.

Actor Will Smith, looking dapper in a three piece suit . . . Magic Johnson sat at a table to the president’s right . . . imposing Spanish-style mansion of Antonio Banderas and Melanie Griffith . . . POTUS entered with Eva Longoria.

Meanwhile, news photographers were welcomed earlier in the day when Obama made an unscheduled stop at Roscoe’s House of Chicken ‘n Waffles in West L.A., where he ordered the No. 9, “Country Boy” – 3 wings with choice of waffle, potato salad or French fries for $8.90.

Bukowski: Hollywood Tour

13 Aug 2011 /

Grauman’s Chinese Theater – 1930

7 Jun 2011 /

Grauman's Chinese Theater in Hollywood

Grauman’s Chinese Theater in Hollywood before the premiere of Howard Hughes’ 1930 film Hell’s Angels.

Twitter: 2010-03-09

9 Mar 2010 /
  • RT @Aimee_B_Loved: Katherine Bigelow really needs to end her speech with "SUCK IT, JAMES CAMERON!" #
  • RT @letwits: CBSNews
    "Hollywood Sees a Bright Future in 3D"
    Sure they do. They can remake everything all over again. #

Who Says Creativity is Dead in Tinseltown?

10 Jun 2008 /

It was a sickness: this great interest in a medium that relentlessly and consistently failed to produce anything at all. People became so used to seeing shit on film that they no longer realized it was shit.

— Charles Bukowski, Hollywood
The Incredible Hulk

I keep seeing commercials during the NBA Finals for The Incredible Hulk.

Wasn’t there an Incredible Hulk movie out just a few years ago?

Why do we have to keep making Incredible Hulk movies?

Way to reach for the stars, thespians.

Shit . . .

79 More

26 Jan 2008 /

In memory of Heath Ledger, here’s a list of 79 more stars killed by drugs . . .

Heath Ledger, 1979-2008

22 Jan 2008 /
Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams

NEW YORK — Actor Heath Ledger was found dead Tuesday of a possible drug overdose in a Lower Manhattan apartment, the New York Police Department said.


Possible drug overdose, possible suicide! Oh dear . . . another blow to the theory that being rich and/or famous is the ticket to happiness.

I think most famous actors — not all, obviously — are convinced that they can do things that nobody else can do, that they’re not cardboard people who are adored for no reason.

Tom Cruise, for example, I don’t think will ever commit suicide.

Oh well . . .

Why TV Shows Are So Stupid

6 Jan 2008 /

Welcome to EppsNet, where the writers are not on strike!

Striking writers are stupid. Pretend you’re a TV executive and your writers are on strike.

Man watching static

Oh dear! What will I do? I’ll have to show reruns and only get 90 percent of the dimbulb audience I’d get showing new episodes. Boo hoo hoo! Crying smiley

Television is the opiate of the masses, man! People will watch it no matter what’s on. They can’t live without it.

We’ve got TVs in restaurants, health clubs, cars, you name it. They’re ubiquitous!

The number of people like me — who think that if you want to eat dinner in front of a TV set you should stay the hell at home — is very small compared to the number of people who will not leave their homes if it means being separated from a television.

Hey scribes! People are going to turn off their flat-panel LCD high-def TVs — and do what? Read a book? Interact with their families?

Fat fucking chance!

Writers can stay on strike forever for all anybody cares.

That’s why TV shows are so stupid. They’re written by stupid people.

This just in

Red carpet, empty theater

Stars Won’t Attend Golden Globe Awards

Golden Globe-nominated actors and presenters won’t attend the televised award show Jan. 13 because of the writers’ strike, the Screen Actors Guild announced Friday.


Well then . . . that casts things in a whole new light! Actors will not attend the Golden Globes because they’d have to cross a picket line of angry wordsmiths and ink slingers.

OMG! I hope the earth doesn’t stop revolving on its axis and fling us all into space because actors are boycotting the Golden Globes telecast!

What are the Golden Globes anyway? Another excuse for actors to get together and suck each other’s dicks?

Rot in hell, thespians!

Hola, Estúpidos

9 Nov 2007 /
Hugo Chavez and Sean Penn
Hugo Chavez and Kevin Spacey
Hugo Chavez and Naomi Campbell

Mr. Penn, Mr. Spacey, Ms. Campbell — Thank you so much for coming to visit me. Muchas gracias!

Shortly after your visits, 80,000 Venezuelans will gather at the Central University to protest my attempts to expand my dictatorial rule. Eight of these people will be injured when masked gunmen open fire on them.

I of course will be shocked by this display of brutality — as shocked as I’ve been since Claude Rains discovered gambling at Rick’s Cafe.

The incident will no doubt raise questions in people’s minds as to whether you actually support the armed suppression of free speech, or whether you are just naive simpletons.

Regrettably, there will be a writers’ strike on at the time and you will therefore have nothing to say . . .

Tu amigo,

Hugo Chavez

Greta Garbo at USC

27 May 2007 /

From Scott Wolf Inside USC:

In 1926, MGM called USC and sent actress Greta Garbo down to pose for some publicity photos with the track team.

Garbo initially refused until MGM deducted $25 from her salary, which convinced her to head to campus and don a USC track singlet.

Greta Garbo

Greta Garbo

Nelson Algren Goes to Hollywood

23 Sep 2006 /

From a 1955 interview with Nelson Algren in The Paris Review:

INTERVIEWER: How about this movie, The Man with the Golden Arm?


INTERVIEWER: Did you have anything to do with the script?

ALGREN: No. No, I didn’t last long. I went out there for a thousand a week. and I worked Monday, and I got fired Wednesday. The guy that hired me was out of town Tuesday.

Little Racketeers

2 Jul 2005 /

Few Americans either behind or in front of our cameras give evidence of any recognition or respect for themselves or one another as human beings, or have any desire to be themselves or to let others be themselves. On both ends of the camera you find very few people who are not essentially, instead, just promoters, little racketeers, interested in ‘the angle.’

James Agee, October 12, 1946

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