I thought sports columnists were appointed for life, like Supreme Court justices, no matter how irrelevant they become, and yet I see that the Los Angeles Times has just dumped J.A. Adande. Well, by golly, that’s a good start! I can’t think of a single print columnist, at the Times or elsewhere, who’s remotely relevant anymore. There are dozens of sports websites (not that one — start at Deadspin and follow the links) with at least an order of magnitude more energy, insight and wit than you’ll find in your local print rag, which is why newspapers are going the way of the 8-track tape, the buggy whip and whale oil. The next in line to go at the Times should be fatuous blowhard T.J. Simers. Simers positions himself as a pot-stirring wiseass, and the line on him seems to be that if people don’t like him, he must be… Read more →
EppsNet Archive: Los Angeles
A Day at LACMA
We drove out to LACMA last weekend to see The Modern West: American Landscapes, 1890-1950, and Re-SITE-ing the West: Contemporary Photographs from the Permanent Collection. I love exhibits like this . . . I’ve lived in California my whole life and I feel like these Western landscapes are part of my DNA. While we were there, we also took in the Dan Flavin retrospective. Flavin’s work consists of standard fluorescent tubes arranged in patterns not beyond the imagination of the average six-year-old. I tried viewing them up close, far away, from the side . . . I couldn’t make heads or tails of any of it. LACMA helpfully provided a detailed theory of Flavin’s work in the form of a fold-out brochure with a lot of small print, but I didn’t read it. Isn’t art supposed to provide some sort of pleasure and/or illumination — pardon the pun — on… Read more →
Black Father of the Year
NEWPORT BEACH — Two Los Angeles residents believed to be a father and a daughter were arrested early today near John Wayne Airport on suspicion of burglarizing four local businesses, authorities said. Donald Perkins, 48, and Kenesha Perkins, 28, were pulled over for speeding at about 3:15 a.m. near Dove Street and Newport Place Drive, said Sgt. Evan Sailor of the Newport Beach Police Department. — Orange County Register Kenesha Perkins is a lucky girl . . . most black fathers are not actively involved in their children’s activities like this . . . Read more →
Mulholland Drive
Why 12-Year-Olds Are Not Allowed to Drive
We’re at a stop sign on 6th St. in San Pedro, waiting to cross Pacific Ave., a busy street with multiple lanes of traffic in both directions. We’ve been waiting for an opening for quite a while when my son says, “You gotta go Tokyo Drift on these pansies.” Read more →
Glass Houses, Stones, Etc.
Antonio Villaraigosa, UCLA graduate and mayor of Los Angeles, gave a commencement speech at USC last month, at which time USC generously awarded him an honorary doctorate. This week, Villaraigosa delivered a commencement speech at UCLA, in which he made the point that UCLA, unlike USC, does not confer honorary degrees. “You’ve got to earn your diploma from UCLA!” he said. HA HA HA! Good one, Mr. Mayor! Why don’t you go flunk the bar exam a few more times, genius? They don’t give that away either. Read more →
Why I Don’t Own a Cadillac Escalade
Smush Parker of the L.A. Lakers has a custom Cadillac Escalade that says SMUSHCALADE on the tailgate where it usually says ESCALADE. I say to my son, “I wonder if I could get an Escalade with EPPSCALADE on the back.” “You can’t even afford an Escalade and still have a good financial condition,” he says. “I can’t?” “No, ’cause you ain’t representin’.” “I’m not representin’?” “No, you ain’t wheelin’ and dealin’. You sittin’ on the block while others are out gettin’ their bling.” Read more →
Notes from the Asylum
My son’s on spring break and my wife — a moderately functional paranoid schizophrenic — is taking a day off to spend some time with him. Read more →
The Bright Side of Bruin Football
Sure, they just absorbed their worst defeat in 75 years, but at least they’re not suffering through the kind of mortifying off-the-field incidents that characterized the Bob Toledo era! Well, except for placekicker Justin Medlock driving around drunk at 3 A.M., rolling his car over on the 405 freeway, and walking away from the wreckage with a seriously injured girl still inside. Read more →
USC 66, UCLA 19
I’m glad it was a blowout. Most of the season, I had to listen to “what a great job Karl Dorrell, Drew Olson and the Bruins are doing.” I didn’t think they were doing a great job at all. They were 9-1, but given all the last-minute, come-from-behind wins over bad teams, they were pretty close to being 5-5. Hence the lack of respect in the polls and the 21-point spread on this game, which turned out to be way too low. Read more →
Whale Cams
The guy in the next cubicle is spending the afternoon looking at animal cams on the web. “Look at this whale cam,” he says. “It’s underwater!” Read more →
A USC Man Looks at UCLA Football
A crazy thing happened after this year’s USC-UCLA football game . . . because the Bruins were able to keep the score close for the first time in years, UCLA coach Karl Dorrell was rewarded with a two-year contract extension. Read more →
Pilot Season
Ignore the rumors. L.A. does have four seasons: earthquake season, fire season, riot season, and the most ravaging — pilot season. Network TV keeps groping to win over an America it despises — a viewing public it sees as a blurry, fat, brainless blob of uninsured, Hemi-powered, God-fearing Wal-Mart clerks. — Peter Mehlman Read more →
Fight On!
My son and I went to the USC-Washington game last weekend. We don’t get to go to a lot of games because 11-year-old boys have their own activities and stuff on the weekends, but this time we were able to get there a few hours early and stroll around the campus, site of many of my greatest academic accomplishments . . . Read more →
Below and Above the Stars
Here’s one of the weirdest ideas I’ve heard today . . . Cinespia is screening the film Detour at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery: Bring blankets, picnic dinner and cocktails for this special screening below and above the stars. Read more →
Welcome to Southern California
An affordable housing advocate has given up on finding an affordable house in Los Angeles and is moving to Connecticut. “This is the most beautiful place I’ve ever lived in and the weather is fantastic,” he said. “It’s paradise. I just can’t afford to live here.” His annual salary is $80,000. Read more →
I’d Like to Buy a Bowel II
Proving that looks are not always deceiving, here’s a photo of the gentlemen accused in the UCLA grave robbing scandal. Read more →
Better Look Again
20 Alleged Illegal Immigrants Found in LA — Associated Press I would have guessed there were a lot more than that . . . Read more →
I’d Like to Buy a Bowel
Sale of Body Parts at UCLA Alleged — Los Angeles Times Read more →
If You Can’t Stand the Heat
LOS ANGELES — Murderess Vidilia Spragin, who is dying of cancer and won “compassionate release” after 20 years in prison, wants to be buried in a plot alongside the husband she killed in 1982. She was convicted of setting Mr. Spragin on fire. Read more →