EppsNet

Experts say the belief that sexual activities can lead to a second heart attack consists of a little bit of truth, but research suggests that it is largely exaggerated. People can have sex after their heart attacks. In fact, the more you exercise — including having sex — the better your odds.

As a safety precaution, “You sort of have to test yourself on the sidewalk before you test yourself in the bedroom,” says Dr. Gerald W. Neuberg, cardiologist and director of the intensive care unit at New York-Presbyterian Hospital.

— “Is Sex Safe After Heart Attack?”

• RT @capricecrane: T.S. Eliot: "The world ends not with a bang, but a whimper."
  Sadly, so do most of my dates. #

Swedish group renames hymen ‘vaginal corona’

— The Local

I get home from the gym and say to my wife, “I’m in such great physical condition, it’s a shame I’m not having an affair with 10 women like Tiger Woods.”

“Women care about money,” she says. “You don’t have 10 billion dollars so forget it.”

“Oh. Okay.”

• Your Looks and Your Inbox « OkCupid http://okcupid.com/z/bf2 #
• RT @TelegraphNews Women 'should bare 40 per cent of their bodies to attract men' http://bit.ly/RGtkn #

Scientists find fiddler crabs will exchange favours for sex

— News.com.au

Really, scientists?! Who’s gonna have sex with a fiddler crab? They’re crustaceans!

Hitting the snooze button, hugging the pillow and fantasizing about staying in bed all day — better than s-e-x?

Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. And keep giving him fish until he’s used to the taste. Then he’ll have no excuse to not reciprocate.

— @Aimee_B_Loved

• IT Workers Being Converted into Teachers: http://bit.ly/BEMVv #
• RT @Aimee_B_Loved: I try to hide my disappointment when I drop the soap in the shower and nothing happens. But Rubber Ducky sees my shame. #
• RT @Lileks: Modern-day Sartre: hell is other people's ringtones. #
• @bjsrestaurants My favorite Deep Dish Pizza is the Great White! in reply to bjsrestaurants #
• WSJ.com – Group Tied to Obama Urges Tax Increase http://bit.ly/V1s6X #stopthepresses #

• HarvardBusiness.org: How to Innovate With Less http://bit.ly/V0upg #
• RT @capricecrane: Heidi Pratt claims 20-30 orgasms in a day. Less impressive when you figure she has one every time she talks about herself. #

I say to my ex: “How can you ask if he’s your kid? You can count backward from his birth to one of the two times in six years we had sex.”

— Penelope Trunk

I went to a 50th wedding anniversary mass today. Normally I wouldn’t be caught dead at such a thing but in this case the husband and wife also happen to be my parents so not only was I there, I was there bright and early to hand out programs.

Fifty years! How do a man and a woman celebrate with each other such longevity and perseverance?

Honey, I want to say something to you tonight that I’ve never said before, although I’ve had it in my heart for many, many years.

Three little words . . .

. . . let’s try anal . . .

‘Top Gun’s’ McGillis ‘done with the man thing’

— msnbc.com

Wow . . . she’ll make a nice tuna sandwich for some lucky lesbo.

I remember when I saw her naked in Witness. I had an erection lasting more than four hours and had to call my doctor.

He said don’t worry about it, he had the same thing . . .

Katie Couric talks about Twitter:

I don’t think anybody gives a rat’s ass whether I am about to eat a tuna sandwich. I don’t even care. Some of it is so inane and narcissistic and bizarre I don’t quite get it. I don’t know why anyone would want to read it, much less why I would want to write it.

Unless “tuna sandwich” is a code phrase for “vagina.” In that case, I’d be very interested to read about Katie Couric eating a tuna sandwich . . .

I’m reading a recommendation on LinkedIn, written by a person I know for another person I know.

Unbeknownst to the vast majority of people who’ll read the recommendation, these two people used to date each other. I know I’m a bad person but I can’t help mentally adding “…in bed” to the end of each sentence.

Try it:

Cleopatra is an absolute pleasure to work with. While working together, I found her to be a consummate professional. Clearly, her keen attention to detail is without equal. . . .

You get the idea . . .

My fellow Americans –

Did you know that I was born on this date in 1743? Probably you didn’t because nobody makes a big deal about it like Washington’s birthday or Lincoln’s.

That used to really bother me but I’m okay with it now.

Anyway — it’s MY birthday but YOU get the gift. Point your browser at the Guess Her Muff website. GADZOOKS! You will not be disappointed!

Sadly, ladies styling their pubes had not entered into the marketplace of ideas in the 18th century. I can’t help thinking what Sally Hemings would have looked like with a Brazilian.

AH-OOGAH!

My friend G.L. Hoffman sent this to me:

I just want to add that I knocked my wife up on the first try, in case any of my neighbors are reading this . . .

1. Fewer kids in day care
2. More women in porno

Look me in the eye
Then tell me that I’m satisfied
Hey, are you satisfied?

— The Replacements, “Unsatisfied”

What is a reasonable target for user satisfaction with a web site?

We did a user satisfaction survey last year and found that 14 percent of respondents felt that our web site didn’t measure up to their expectations.

This year, we have an incentive goal of reducing that number to 8 percent, not based on evidence that any web site has ever achieved a number that low, but based on the opinion of the company that did the survey that anything over a 10 percent dissatisfaction rating is always bad.

Or to flip it around, we’re trying to achieve a 92 percent approval rating.

I wish we hadn’t set the bar quite that high. I don’t want to be a pessimist but not only is that considerably higher than, say, Google (at 78 percent — and what’s not to like about Google?), it’s also higher than Santa Claus, crack cocaine and oral sex . . .

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